Sunday Express Skeleton 22Nd December...
Crosswords0 min ago
Daft Thoughts
My mate insists on being called 'N' by everyone.
He'll do anything to be the centre of attention.
Why do celebrities call their children such silly names. My parents called me Robert because they had more respect for me.
Regards,
R. Send
Here's a bit of advice for you.
Advi.
A man walks into a bookshop and says, "Can I have a book by Shakespeare?"
"Of course, Sir, which one?"
The man replies, "William."
What's worse than a bull in a china shop?
A hedgehog in a condom factory.
Top Tip: Avoid tears when chopping onions by using carrots instead.
If you ever have trouble opening a bottle of champagne, my advice, hit it with a ship. I've seen people do that, it works!
My mate recently became a black belt in judo.
I said, "That's all very well but, really, how often are you going to be attacked by a man in a dressing-gown?"
I work in a bar called Advice.
I get really good tips
Men; would you like to last longer in bed?
Then get your wife to bring breakfast to you.
Top Tip for London tourists:
Save money on the London planetarium by simply going out at night and looking up.
I clean my house with Clearasil.
The place is always spotless.
I asked a wise old man what the secret was to 'eternal life'.
He said, "Don't die"
He'll do anything to be the centre of attention.
Why do celebrities call their children such silly names. My parents called me Robert because they had more respect for me.
Regards,
R. Send
Here's a bit of advice for you.
Advi.
A man walks into a bookshop and says, "Can I have a book by Shakespeare?"
"Of course, Sir, which one?"
The man replies, "William."
What's worse than a bull in a china shop?
A hedgehog in a condom factory.
Top Tip: Avoid tears when chopping onions by using carrots instead.
If you ever have trouble opening a bottle of champagne, my advice, hit it with a ship. I've seen people do that, it works!
My mate recently became a black belt in judo.
I said, "That's all very well but, really, how often are you going to be attacked by a man in a dressing-gown?"
I work in a bar called Advice.
I get really good tips
Men; would you like to last longer in bed?
Then get your wife to bring breakfast to you.
Top Tip for London tourists:
Save money on the London planetarium by simply going out at night and looking up.
I clean my house with Clearasil.
The place is always spotless.
I asked a wise old man what the secret was to 'eternal life'.
He said, "Don't die"
Answers
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Some crackers there. Ha ha. I like these types of jokes. TOP TIP: Always keep an empty milk carton in the fridge for those who take their tea and coffee without milk.
19:14 Mon 13th May 2013
1 to 6 of 6
