Something that's cropped up regarding secrets

[Cockney_si]

In response to some issues raised in another post of mine about baby sitting http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Parenting/Question152107.html

about keeping secrets from childs parents and using phrases like "it's our little secret":-

Recently I purchased the Rainbow 30th aniverary DVD and as a bit of nostalgia (and something sane to watch after the likes of the tweenies and the fimbles!!) I noticed that there was an episode in there where one of the rainbow characters had a secret place they hid in and kept secrets from Geoffrey.

Now i know this was only a kids programme from long before the hoo-harr of the war against adults taking advantage of children but it made me a bit weirded out by the whole thing.

Thought I'd share this and maybe air your views on how children can keep "secrets" of the innocent type.

[mimififi]

Hi Si, it was me that opened this great Pandora's box with a few ill chosen words.  I didn't mean it in the context of "it's our little secret"  I just meant that sometimes it makes you (yes even adults) feel special when they know they are sharing something with only one other person.  I shouldn't have used the phrase "it's our secret, don't tell mummy". 

As I posted recently also (as mycatis did have a very valid point in this), maybe it is a question of teaching children that some secrets are ok, but if they are making you feel sad then they are NOT ok.  Sad secrets are harmful, but fun ones that make you feel happy are ok????

My kids do have secrets, between themselves (I have 5, children not secrets), between them and their grandparents, between them and me and them and their dad.  Now clearly, when they are really little, they are not actually secrets, because I do know about them, but they don't know that I know about them.  If you know what I mean. 

The classic is my 11 yr old daughter went out with her uncle (my bro) and they were gone ages.  When they came home my mum was in a mood because they were late for dinner.  Asked where they were, replied:  "nowhere, bad traffic is all!" Anyway, once they had all gone to bed, I asked my bro what had taken so long and they had stopped at Mcd's and he bought them both icecreams which was a bit naughty because it was nearly tea time and my mum is a bit of a teatime nazis.  But, it made her feel special, she had time away from her 4 siblings, they had a chat and then they left.  Now in a few years time if she needs to talk to someone other than me about something serious, who will she ask to go for ice cream with her??? 

[mimififi]

p.s she still doesn't know that I know she had an ice cream before dinner, and if she ever tells me about it I will act surprised.  Similarly, I have a relationsip with my brother that if she told him anything, he would probably tell me, but I would not tell her, eg, if in 3-4 years time she tells him in confidence that she is a secret crack cocaine addict, then he would probably tell me, that way I can watch her and keep her safe, but I would not tell her that I knew until she told me.  Secrets can keep children safe and close to you at a time when they don't wanna be close to you.  But like everything, secrets can too (as Mycatis pointed out) be harmful and dangerous.  Just like ALL things.  It is about exercising your common sense.