Advice please!!

[electricblue]

This is the popular thread so problem is,my youngest daughter has a friend just turned 10 couple of months back,she lives with her 12 year old brother,her mum,her mums bloke and their kids,a while back the step dad used to drink himself stupid then he would have a pop at my daughters friend,he was such a w4nk3r,that she would wet the bed at night and always wanted to stay with us so she didnt have to go home,she would be grounded for SUCH silly things that in the end we took her on holiday with us so she could be away from him,he has had the police after him for violence towards this girls mum also,a few weeks back he went on the wagon and was a totally different bloke but now he's back on the drink and its all started up again, the girl has told us tonight that he had put a knife up against her throat threatening to cut her,i KNOW he's capable and the bed wetting has started again,i cant have this girl being another statistic,would i be doing the right thing in calling social services,knowing their reputation and having no solid proof,could they do anything,by the way she was going to sleep tonight but he said no cos he broke his bike and grounded her instead,hes a nasty piece of work,but ONLY to her,his kids and the oldest boy he wont touch!!
Advice greatly received thanx!!
ps,the mother is 5 months pregnant with his 3rd baby !

[rugeleyboy]

get onto the social services straight away!!

[electricblue]

I have no proof,just what the girl has said,if thats enough i'll ring first thing!!

[noxlumos]

As an adult who knows that this child is being abused you need to do something constructive for her and if her mother will not take responsibility to ensure her well being then that unfortunatly involves calling other agencies.Do you know her mother?If she can be reasoned with to leave the t****r then that'd be better to be honest, but if not then someone needs involving that can help the poor little girl.
I was abused very badly by my father when very little and lots of adults including my mother ignored it and protected him, leading me to feel very angry and worthless as an adult.Don't let the same thing happen to that little girl, please intervene, but if possible speak to her mother first and give hr the chance to do something, as i'd hate to think of her being put into care as I know when I was a kid I was terrified of my father but more terrified of being "taken away" from my family.It needs delicate handling but you do need to help her as this w****r sounds serious.

[raysparx]

Hi electric, If you don't want to phone social services as the first step why not phone Child Line? I am sure they could point you in the right direction, God I wished I lived nearer to you this bloke needs a talking to, "a quiet word in his shell like " But also most social workers are good at protecting children,but obviously you don't want them rushing in like lunatics,but they should be aware, hope it gets sorted quickly, take care, Ray XXX

[electricblue]

Thanx nox,the mother is obviously scared of him,when the police were called cos of the violence towards HER,we had a word with her about pressing charges and how they were better off without him and the little girl was SO much happier,the mum reckoned she wouldnt have him back,,,,,,here we are again,was wondering if to pop round in morning IF the w4nk3r goes out after his drinking session and tell her how it is,doubt she'll do anything though,i was actually debating taking the girl to mine to stay out of his way(with the mums help)but we live so close she wouldnt be able to play out,god knows what he'd do!!

[electricblue]

Hello ray,yeah keep picturing them rushing in,grabbing the kids and splitting them up!
As for the 'word in his shell like' hubby wants to do that but cant????????????

[raysparx]

Hi electric, it is very hard to keep out when kiddies are involved,it is the one thing I can't abide,they aren't kiddies long,they should be happy,not scared, I think in your position I would ring child Line,at least initially it could be anonymous, good luck and take care, Ray XX

[scatty mare]

I agree with noxlumos, I'd have a word with the mother and express your concerns before contacting Social Services. Perhaps it will be the push she needs to make a break from this nasty piece of work. I'm not condoning her allowing this to go on, but she probably feels isolated and frightened herself - having to face the hard facts might jolt her into action.

[electricblue]

Do you suggest i tell her about tempted to ring child line or SS cos then she's gonna know who rang them when someone turn up,if i dont mention social services doubt she'll do anything!!

[noxlumos]

yeah I think you need to be supportive of her but at the same time leave her in no doubt that you will act if she doesn't. Give her all the help in the world if she's prepared to help her child but the problem you might encounter is that she probably loves him despite everything as my mother did with my father.Make her know though that it's her child and she HAS to act to protect her and if she doesn't you will, and quickly.

[redcrx]

Phone SS as soon as you can hun. They will investigate and do everything they can to protect that little girl.

The poor little thing must be terrified, you have to do all you can to help.

[Ms.Hijinx]

omg electric blue the poor mite id say the same as nox and the others do something quick and keep us posted you and the little girl are in my thoughts good luckx

[unruliejulie]

I think its your only option in this situation electricblue. Could you stand by and watch something dreadful happen knowing you did nothing? It is very difficult but it is the only route to take im afraid as Mum seems to be scared of him too. I think if you talk to her Mother first though, she will clam up and become terrified of either him finding out and taking it out on her or of her daughter beeing taken away. This is a horrible situation for you but i urge you to seek help immediately. All the very best. X

[PinkFizz]

I wouldnt even bother to speak to the mother - she will agree with you for a sec and then tell him what you said,which will make it worse.I would call Social Services immediately but anonymously and tell then everything you have said here,including the fact that he will probably deny it all.Please let us know what happens.xx

[Pippa68]

How bloody awful ~ it makes me weep, honestly!

I agree with nox. Give the mum a chance, but tell her you will have to take steps if she doesn't act quickly. I know Mr Pippa would want to go round there & bash the guys knee caps in..it's how I feel too!

You know in your heart it's the right thing to do. Please do what you can to help protect this poor girl. You must be in turmoil :o(

xxx

[electricblue]

Hi,went to work this morning,got back to have the girl at ours crying cos her mum had told her she was grounded and her partner saying she could go out,as she tried to leave on her bike the mum pulled it back and the handle-bars went into her stomach,she had run off to ours,then the guy came to get her and she was told if she didnt go get their tea(over a big main road i dont even like my 16yr old going over)then she would be grounded,so she went,
I think pinkfizz is right,the mother would tell the guy what i said,i dont want the little girl taken away and put in care but on the other hand she CANT stay home and be so unhappy,the tears i lose over that girl isnt good for anyone,think it'll have to be direct to welfare,thanx all,gonna wait till hubby get back then sort it!!Any more advice will be gratefully received,,,,believe me!

[raysparx]

Hi electric,

sounds like you might be making that call anonymously,I would it isn't fair for that little kiddie to be so sad and unhappy,what is wrong with people? this bloke sounds absolutely obnoxious, I wish you good luck in whatever you decide, take care, Ray xx

[scatty mare]

What a horrible situation. So sorry to read what you wrote in your update. One good thing to come out of all this is that the little girl has had you to help her cope. Hope all goes well, and good luck. x

[electricblue]

Thanx scatty thats good of you!!