Unhappy

[tractorgirl1]

Please help. I'm 16 years old and I have never got along very well with my mother and have always had a good relationship with my dad. However, he is very violent and therefore i am unable to live with him due to social services matters. Now things between my mother and me are at an all time low and I don't want to live with her any longer as it's making me very unhappy and unable to cope at school. My friends all say I can stay with them but is this legal? Can I do this without my mother's consent?

[UNBELIEVER]

Hi Tractorgirl. I think you need to be careful about making any quick decisions around moving out. Your dad seems to be a non starter and unless you are in some kind of danger living with your mum I would guess she does not understand you as a teenager. In other words you are going through the time honoured shift from child to young adult. The law considers you a child until you become 18. But I do think you can move out and live with a responsible adult and your mother can't do much about it. Why take this drastic action when there may be other ways to find some common ground between you and your mother. Have you thought about contacting a school counsellor?

[tractorgirl1]

unbeliever, we had a family councillor a while back and started to work through things and we both agreed to make an effort. but recently things got out of hand and she said some things that hurt me so much, whenever i look at her i just want to cry. she wants to act like it never happened to make things easier on my siblings as they are fed up of listening to our fighting. but i cant get past what she said. i thought staying at a friends or even a family friends just for a few days would be good for us but she thinks im wrong and wont think about it. what can i do?

[Tups]

I used to teach a girl who was in a similar situation. She left her mother's home when she was 16 and went to live with a friend's family. Her mother was devastated but I have to say it was the best thing in the world for the girl. I don't see how giving it a try will do any harm. Explain to your mum you both need some space and that it's only temporary. It may turn out to be more permanent but you need to create the opportunity to return home, should you wish/need to. Good luck.

[c1]

tractorgirl, I remember when I was having problems with my family, I went to my local council where they offer a sort of teen sheme, where they rehouse children. At that time the only proof I needed was a letter from my gran to say that she agreed. Obviously, she refused to write a letter as she said she wasn't telling me to leave home. I was offered a place, I viewed it and it was nice, it was a house share so I don't know how I would have coped sharing the bathroom with strangers. Anyway after some thought, I decided to stay at home and work at things and I think up until today that it was the best thing I ever did. My advice to you is stay at home, there is nothing exciting out there, all this will pass in time. Good luck.

[tractorgirl1]

thanks for all your advice so far. there has been an update. i took some of the advice on here and from a support worker i saw and tried to talk to my mum. However, when i said i thought we should talk she replied with, 'you've said what you wanted to say. we will leave you to get by without us and our support.' i am sure the only way for things to get any better is for me and my mum to spend time apart. If i was to stay at a friends house, if my mum turned up demanding i come home, is there anything i can say or do to make her leave without me?

[darcydark]

Hi, I think you need to take proper advice from a social worker or someone who will be able to answer your questions, sooner rather than later by listening to you. Hope it all works out for you. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. Stay positive.