Relationship / wealth

[SpikieMikie]

Im a 25 yr guy and through owning my own business and some other investments, Im worth a lot of money. I guess for the first time, as I've been a bit of lad up to now, I've fallen from someone I think is pretty special.

The problem is that I can't help thinking that this person likes what I've got as much as who I am. They don't appear materialistic, or have given me any reason to think they're free loading. They're 3 years younger than me and got a stable job, although they're only on about �25,000 a year.

The problem is, if I dont trust this person or have full confidence that they like me for me, I can't see me having trust or confidence in anyone, unless they're just as wealthy and chances for finding someone like that are very slim. Unfortunately, this isn't the type of thing you can ask your mates advice about as it sounds pretty arrogant. As anyone been in the same situation or can offer advice ?

Before you think it, apart from my two cars, I honestly don't flash my cash around. I've got a nice apartment, but even thats worth less than �200,000 and Im not into wearing the latest suits, or wearing diamonds etc. Its not like I've encouraged or left myself open to this situation.

By the way, I'm gay. I mention that only because there are obviously not going to be any issues about marriage and gold digging etc, this is more a confidence thing.

Whatever, trust me, money doesn't always buy happiness.

[butternut]

Phew am I pleased you pronounced your sexuality for one reason and one only, boy was I gonna come down on who the *A*A* do you think you are however my best friend is a gay guy and very much a prima donna sounds very like yourself, believe me R* as I will call him HAS to be the centre of attention has the ability to pull more straight guys than a gal money gets mentioned, but more so Hie really is drop dead gorgeous, uses better facial moisturisers than me but would money buy him answer NOPE, thick and on the dole NOPE, intelligent, a little play hard to get, sum1 a bit different YEP, he is only on your paultry fancy mans 25k (PLUS commisssion), but lives life to the full and by the sound of it to me you actually need to get offa your high horse, no offence, thank your lucky stars for what you do have, work hard to make sure you work hard to keep up your lifestyle and not be dramatizing the next full monty and go with the flow, this guy could have qualities you dont have mate you are in your 20's, get a grip hit Canal Street and what will be will be

[noxlumos]

hi, you need to address your own lack of self esteem to be honest. If your boyfriend has given you no reason to think that he's interested in you because of your money then why would you think that, unless you've got a chip on your shoulder anyway? You sound more impressed with your cash than he does to be honest. As someone worth a few bob myself, I'll give you my best piece of star advice. Money is rubbish, it's replaceable, you can always earn/get more. People really matter. My wife is irreplaceable and I'd give up every penny I have so long as I still had her. If this is the right person for you, then you'll feel the same. If you allow yourself to get paranoid about your cash, you'll miss out on so much. Give it a whirl and learn to like yourself, maybe he's just in love with you, ever thought about that?

[Carakeel]

SpikeyMikie, I do think you have to be careful and I understand your worry about being liked for the wrong reasons. It might be an idea to just appear rather careful with your money. I don't mean be 'mean', just don't lavish money or presents on someone you are not sure about. and have not been with long enough to trust. If he is genuine and isn't with you because of your money he will stay when you don't appear to be too generous with it and he won't be offended or upset - as long as you remain generous and honest with your affections and have fun together. If he goes, you will know that he was indeed just interested in your prestige and your money. In that case he isn't worth it anyway. Once you are sure he is the special person you think he is and you two are more serious about each other then you can be a bit more generous with material side of things if you want. Just be careful. Someone who truly loves you will not need you to prove your feelings by lavishing money one them. Good Luck Mikey, hope it works out for you!

[butternut]

I hate it SOOO much when the web does this i have just posted you a rather long thread to be told NO SERVER, so instead, get a grip your wealth could dissapear will he want you then, prima donna, yes, money pathetic ass NO

[butternut]

By tghe way ther Gay and Lesbian Charity in London would love that "Spare" cash and then you would not have money , Go on do yourself a favour

[SpikieMikie]

Thanks for that.. to answer a couple of points..

To be fair, I'm quite tight with my money anyway.. I seem to be more aware of what I'm spending now than 3 or 4 years ago when I didn't really have any money. I'm generous but not especially so, and may be its just me, but my mates always seems keen to pay their way around me. No-ones attempted to use me yet.

I think the issue is one of two things - 1, if someone did use me for my money, it wouldn't be the end of the world, I guess the chance of true happiness and love is worth that gamble. It would be more a pride thing, that someone exploited the situation. 2, If that did happen, I'd be gutted and it would probably make me more suspicious and cynical for other guys who came into my life.

I guess, I should play it cool, have fun and just get to know this guy better before I start worrying about these things. I've had too many years thinking with me head and my you know what, and not with my heart...

[Booldawg]

sorry its not in context with your question but I quote "only on 25,000 a year" sheesh I'm 37 have a mortgage and family and would LOVE to be 'only on 25,000 a year'

[Pippa68]

Hmmmm I thought along the same lines, Booldawg.

I think someone needs to stop thinking about cash ~ too much emphasis on it for my liking ;o)

Another thing to realise is that their will always be people wealthier than you, too. Is asking people their salary a top priority for you?

[Octavius]

butternut, your 1st response amused me as it appears it is ok for Mikie to be like this because he is gay, whereas if he wasn't you would have come down on him like a tonne of bricks? How fickle.

Mikie, how would you feel if this person earned more than you? I mean, regardless of the answers above, I am of the same opinion that �25k a year is not a lot, but recognise that to many it is, c'est la vie. I married my wife regardless of my wealth, she had very little and even had debts, but I love her and she loves me, and that matters more to me than any material possession or holdings in the bank. I am confident enough about us and our relationship that I know if we were penniless we would still feel the same about each other. It comes down to attitude really and trust, and mentioning financial and material info as you have done in your Q makes you sound like an arrogant loser, sorry, but you could have got a better response without all that.

If you can't trust anyone, you will always be a lonely miser.

[spk]

Hey Spikiemikie Im not sure my story will help or not but here goes..

I started seeing my ex, we will call him "bob" 9 years ago when he was skint. Was trying to make a business work and finding it really tough so we had no money. After some hard work and determination on both our parts he developed the midas touch and everything he touched turned to pure solid gold and within a few years he was stinking rich. Im talking stinking, we had been living together since very early on in the relationship, but when he got money he completely changed and became paranoid that everyone was after him for his money including me. He never had any bad experiences, nobody ever tried to take it from him or even spend it, least of all me ( I had my own job and was very much self sufficient, paid half the bills mortgage payment etc)and ultimately we split up because he changed so much after 7 years together. I walked away, with my clothes only , left my car, our house and everything in it to prove a point. That I was never with him for the money. We split up 2 years ago and he still calls me and tells me how sorry he is and how much he would like for it to work again now he realises how wrong he was. Not everybody is into money. Your partner is probably with you for you not your bank balance. I loved him a billion times more when we were living on beans on toast because he was a better person and wasnt obsessed with ferraris. Money doesnt make you happy, it just makes you miserable in comfort.

[butternut]

Octavius my first answer wasn't fickle, sorry if thats how it came across, I just simply know a few prima donnas and they all seem very similar, my answer would of been the same I just kinda thought I should have known when I read the end

[Matheous]

"Money doesnt make you happy, it just makes you miserable in comfort."
Great quote spk! Just read some biographies of famous wealthy people and decide then how 'happy' they were.....
- Riches ain't always the answer.

[emmacherise2]

I think that if you feel this way about this guy you like. yet hes not shown any reason to be a gold digger then it's just your paranoia..

I suffer from it too a bit. Not in the same sense.. but people have always seemed to see me as a good looking person (although i have issues with my body etc and honestly dont see myself that way) and I always get paranoid that whoever i'm with is there so they can parade me around on their arm, or just be into the sexual side of things and not even be bothered about my personality. I figured for me that I need to address that before getting into a serious relationship.. but with you.. that special person may have come along even though ur not emotionally ready 4 them.

I think what's best to do is sit down with this guy in a relaxed environment.. maybe after a couple of glasses of wine at home.. and ask him about his insecurities.. get him to share with you the things that he worries about himself.. and in turn you can sensitively share that you "feel that maybe some guys might just be into you for your money" make sure you dont imply that he is haha!.. if he's aware of how you feel then he will be able to be honest with you and encourage you in a way that only he is really capable of. To be honest, only you know in your heart of hearts if he is or he isnt.. but if you dont have the heart to share it with him just yet, then hold off on doing anything expensive, sharing any financial details or talking about your money at all... if hes still around after 2 months of you not even mentioning money then he's probably a keeper.

i would really advise you to share it with him though because i'd bet he'll make you feel much more at ease about the whole thing.

Stop worrying so much though spikie, you will find happiness so dont lose hope. just be honest to yourself.

good luck!!!