Why do people cheat? If you have, why did you?

[Jane_Doe]

I am curious as to why people cheat.. I have always had strong morals up until half way through last year and beleived in things including: treat people how you want to be treated, the truth always comes out, what goes around comes around and so on.. That was until one drunk night when after strongly convincing myself to stay away from this ''happily married'' man that cracked onto me i let my guard down to have the best time of my life! As much as i had regret the next day and felt kind of used it did not bother me.. As the chemistry and the memories im left with are well worth that one night of passion.. I did not expect to see him ever again but he did something to me no other has.. Could not get him off my mind and in the strange mind of mine i was just blown away.. That was until i bumped into him a few days later- he works nights and i never go to the city but somehow we cross paths and walk straight past eachother in the middle of the day. By this time ive turned the corner and basically ran a mile..its beginning to do my head in a whole lot more by this time! A week or so later im asked to go where he works.. As scared and nervous as i am i go.. Lone behold i see him and we have a really deep and meaningful conversation we then exchange numbers and 2 this day we still see eachother. I guess i wanted to give a run down of my situation for advice.. I have tried to walk away and i just cant. I also do not want to get involved in a relationship or break up his marriage. If this could last forever with no-one getting hurt i'd be all for it but nothing lasts forever and im scared im doing the unthinkable to his wife. Im stuck!! And my head is not in the right place. Like i said ive gone against everything i beleive im. Advice anyone..guess im asking why do happily married people stray away? And yes im in the wrong i know.. And yes i could ask him why but im just not confident enough to delve into that private part of his life yet.. Or im just scared of the answer.

[Noraq]

Sorry Jane Doe...if I posted what I am feeling right now...I would be banned from the internet..let alone AB.
but as the injured wife..albeit I have put the part of my life where it rightfully belongs..in the dim and distant past.
I have no time for women who entertain married men.

[Safiya]

so you had the best time of your life with a 'happily married man'? happy or not hes still married.... then you exchange numbers and have a deep meaningful conversation but you arent confident enough to ask him about straying? you need to sit back and think of how many lives this could wreck if you carry on seeing this man! yours included. My advice...walk away right now

your question... why do happily married people stray? i would say if they stray they arent happily married at all....

[Safiya]

*hugs* to you noraq..... i know exactly what you mean x

[GillyGee]

Walk away and keep on walking, run if you want, but please this path leads nowhere - trust me!

[Sqad]

Sorry...I fell asleep halfway through and fell off my PC stool....but i have got he gist.

Ther are many ways that a woman can make a man happy and unfortunately it often takes two different women to do this.
Your situation occurs hourly in every part of the world.......always has and always will.

Can he love(whatever that means) two women at the same time?
Of course he can......and this is a common situation.

Do what YOU think is suitable to YOUR situation.

[missnemesis]

Jane you need to grow up and enter the real world for christ's sake. You and he are being incredibly, incredibly selfish. So you had great sex, good for you but you have to think with more than your self centred libidos.

What about his wife? His children? Your children?

I could rattle off many quotes from your original post which only go to illustrate just how naive you are being but to be honest I can't be bothered.

You are being taken for a fool because you are acting like one.

There are plenty of single guys out there. My advice - keep your legs shut until you find one.

[Jenarry]

this all sounds like you deserve so much better.
you probably think this man is mr nice guy and you are making excuses for his behaviour but he finds lying and deceit so easy which isn't the makings of a nice guy is it.
speaking as the partner who was cheated on i found this all out about my bf. i would never have dreamt he would lie or cheat but he did both to me in spades and I while I was still completely devoted to him.
the other side of the coin is he can lie so well to his wife he may well be lying to you and putting on some sort of act to you as well.
and I have to agree age could have a lot to do it with it. my bf was 40,and probably wanting to feel young again and he cheated on me and went off with someone your age.
Their relationship lasted 2 yrs but trust was a huge issue from the word go from what I've heard for obvious reasons.
Don't you want more for yourself?.....

[Noraq]

Thank you Saffy...Been there..done that?? x
and...msnemesis...don't waste your time.....she has already gone over to the dark side....
she will shortly be plotting how she can get him to leave his wife and family 'cause he is only staying there 'out of duty'. and he really loves her..as much as she 'loves' him....ya..right!!!!

I'm going to stop now..I am allowing old feeling to creep up and that is a big 'no' no'.

Oh just to conclude...mine has left his 'lover' now and would like to crawl back...never goin to happen!!!!....=)

[missnemesis]

Tis a Jeremy Kyle show waiting to happen.


\\\ Oh just to conclude...mine has left his 'lover' now and would like to crawl back...never goin to happen!!!!....=) /// Oh what a surprise...NOT!

You stick to your guns Noraq, you're worth way more than that :)

[lankeela]

Provided you are happy for him to keep going home to his wife and don't expect him to leave her for you then you can keep taking what you want out of this relationship. The only problem for you arises if you expect more from him. I know from personal experience that a long term 'affair' can work. Okay it wouldn't suit many people but for those who are used to living alone but want the occasional bit of 'company' on their terms with no strings attached then it works (and no underpants to wash lol). Tough on the wife maybe, but this way at least she she gets to keep him and his washing.

[joe_s_angel]

Well, tough question you are asking here. I wish i have an answer for you. But i Don't. By reading the comments here, i agree with many things, most of which is the "walk away" part and "no losers but you and the wife" part, etc.....

I am currently in a similar situation, except that.......I am the wife !!!!!!!!!!! Yes !!!! the one who has been cheated on. Forgive me here, but for me she is nothing but a bitch, and a home wrecker, not that he is not to be blamed here, but she could have stopped him, or "walked away" !!!!!! Most men search for new stuff, new excitment in their lives, specially if they have been married for almost 5 years now !!!!!!!!
I am feeling so bitter right now, my life is ruined, and i am hurt, betrayed, and vengeful...........

You would better walk away, and not ruin someone else's life .....

[RebeccaSJ]

I think sometimes the temptation is just too strong.  The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.