Wedding Invitations

[smudge]

Long winded I know - but you should know me by now!

Anyway, we have just received a wedding invitation from my brother, for his step-son's forthcoming wedding. I haven't seen or spoken to this particular brother or step-nephew for nearly five years, only exchanging Christmas cards.

However, inside the envelope was the invitation, a map, a reply form in SAE & last but not least, an Argos Gift Card, with a personal reference number for the list of 'what they'd like'.

It was nice to receive an invitation after all these years, but I wasn't too impressed finding the gift request inside it. I thought it was a little forward of them, especially knowing we haven't spoken or seen each other for such a long time!

I know gift lists are a good idea, but when our two daughters got married, we sent out the invitations first & it was only when guests phoned for gift ideas, that we typed one up & sent it out to one & all. I know it was extra postage, but we wouldn't have dreamt of doing so at the invitation stage!

If we do attend the wedding, I'd feel inclined to give vouchers of a cheque, just to be rebellious! What are your views on the idea of gift requests in the same envelope as the invite?

[trionam]

My friend used to work as a wedding list co-ordinator and we used to laugh at some of the lists she did, some girls had lists running up to thirty thousand. I think its a bit cheeky it puts a lot of pressure on people when I got married last september we had been living together for 3 years so didnt need anything in particular nor did we ask for anything so our guests just gave us cash or vouchers which was perfect.

[ursula62]

Some friends of mine got married recently. They'd lived together for a few years and had their own house.

So instead of presents, they asked people to donate money in their name to a website where you can buy things like a nurse for a third world hospital or a herd of goats for an Indian hill farmer. The person in whose name you're buying the gift gets a card from the organisation to say who bought what.

We used the same idea instead of a secret santa at work this year and bought training for 4 healthworkers and 2 cows.

[ursula62]

no, the two cows didn't get trained.... sorry am in a muddle this afternoon!

[funkychicken]

I think its rather rude to put gift requests in the envelope with the invitations, it makes people feel as if they have to buy gifts even if they won't be attending. I also find it incredibly rude when people ask for cash instead of gifts. When I get married I will wait until people ask before telling them what we would like, but I certainly wouldn't make them feel as if they had to buy a present.

[silly moo]

I agree with most of the comments already made, and would not include a gift list personally, but it seems to be accepted these days - more's the pity.
Maybe we old 'uns have encouraged young people to expect everything too quickly by always trying to make sure that our children have more and better than we did.
When I got married (30 yrs ago next week) our list was very basic and only given to people who asked to see it.
Love the idea of aid type gifts.

[Peter Pedant]

Turn up to the wedding, take a present and enjoy yourself. Think of it as their day and behave accordingly. As they are setting out on a new life together it time for you to clear the decks and plan a new relationship with them.

[Artful]

Oh smudge, what a pickle (no offence InAPickle!) - it is so upsetting when people put others in an awkward situation, knowingly ot not.

We married 5 years ago after living together for 20 years so we certainly didn't need anything. When asked, I told the person that all wre wanted was their presence so we could have a knees up - I must say people didn't take us at our word and we got some lovely and some very original gifts!!!!!

Smudge, you say 'twas an invitation from your brother ro his step-son's wedding so I imagine blood-ties are not tight and not having spoken for so long means there's not a lot of love to be lost at the moment. So I say like many of us others - do what you feel and don't worry about their list (that's material). If they want to restore ties, well... Good luck, sweetheart.

[secretspirit]

I'd have been in your bad books smudge because I did exactly that!

The reason was so that we didn't get a lot of things we already have, plus personally if I was invited to a wedding I'd prefer to be able to look at a list and choose something without approaching the couple and having to get embarassed talking about how much I wanted to spend etc. Some people gave us things that weren't on the list which I didn't mind one bit, and we did make sure we had plenty of things ranging from the more expensive china to very inexpensive things like a cheese grater or tea towels so it wasn't essential to spend a lot.

I think these days it's standard practice to put in a card with the details of the gift list.

[Ouisch]

Enclosing a gift card changes it from an "invitation" to a "shake down", as far as I'm concerned.  Supposedly, the reason to invite someone to your wedding is so that they can share in your happiness, not so you can hit them up for a gift.

 

We had a fairly small wedding (60 guests), and we didn't mention the gift registry in the actual invitations (which my husband made up on our computer).  We did register at Target, which is a department store (very non-posh) and told people so if they phoned.  We had no use for fine china, silverware or the like; we were setting up a new home and needed necessities like wastebaskets, shower curtains, and an ironing board.  I don't think there was anything over $50 on our list, and as a result (I guess), we were swamped with presents!  I overheard my grandma say to another guest "Geez, they made out like bandits!", but again, I think it was because A) we only invited close friends and family, and B) we didn't ask for the Moon.

[bryanplus]

Last year my niece got married after living with her partner for about three years.  Enclosed with the invitation was a letter saying that as they had had their own home for some time they didn't need anything.  It then went on to ask the guests to contribute to their honeymoon!  Suggestions were hotel rooms, car hire, sightseeing trips,etc.  My wife and I have been married for nearly thirty years and we certainly can't say we've got everything.  We thought the whole premise of wedding guests paying for the honeymoon really horrible.  They got vouchers from us!

[smudge]

Hi again all - Firstly, can I just say that it was my sis-in-law who wrote out & sent all the invites, so I doubt for one moment, that my busy working brother had any idea of the contents in the envelopes - so sorry bro!

Secondly, it is not that I am against wedding lists, because it does make sense not to receive lots of duplications/unwanted gifts. But, I just don't agree with putting them in with the invitations. I feel it detracts from the actual 'We're getting married, would you like to share our day with us', to we're getting married & BTW, we'd like a present!

I feel that the hosts should wait for guests to contact them by phone, e-mail or letter, asking what the newlyweds would like as a gft. I'm sure the majority of people would ask this, but if they don't it's hard cheese!

Anyway, I'm being pressured by some of my siblings to go to the wedding & some of them haven't seen him for just as long either! He would really like to see us all together again, so I shall see!

Thank you for all your answers - greatly received. -x-