Moral dilemma about a drink driving case

[thikasabrik]

Three years ago my friend was in a car with her two grandkids when they were in collision with a drunk driver. My friend and one of the children was killed and the other child was left badly injured. The drunk driver was completely at fault and was sent to prison. Today at work I was introduced to a new employee to be - it's the drunk driver. I'm not a nasty or vindictive person and I know he has paid his debt to society, but I am finding it difficult to get my head round the fact that I will have to work with him on a daily basis. I admit I feel very bitter.I did have a quiet word with my line manager who more or less said "like it or lump it." Any suggestions on how I can deal with this situation?

[betweenjobs]

In passing say something to him like "Weren't you that guy that got done for drink driving a few years ago?"

With any luck he won't want to work there if he thinks everyone knows.

[Kay]

I agree with btj here. You could also add " Out already?" Be careful of being accused of harrasment though!

[natalie_1982]

I, obviously, do not tolerate drink driving at all, and it would take a very strong person to put a brave face on and pretend like he hadn't killed your friend and their grandchild, but I do believe that he has the right not be discriminated against.

It's a very difficult situation and I think the best, and easiest, would be for either one of you to leave - out of interest does he know who you are? - unless you feel that you are able to work with this person every day without any animosity.

I don't think I could go to work each day with somebody who had killed my friend and their grandchild, I think I would have to leave if they didn't.  However, I also would hope that if for some reason I wound up being locked up for drink driving people would give me a chance in the future for making a (huge) mistake in my past.

[Xollob]

Talk to your personnel department. With any luck the driver may have "forgotten" to mention the incident in his application and may be in breach of contract.

The driver has a right to try and rebuild his life, but my sympathies are with you. I hope for your sake he tries to rebuild it elsewhere.

[Miss Zippy]

Yes he has a right to re-build his life but to do so in such close proximity (whether in terms of living or working) to people affected by his past crime is insensitive. Is there anyone other than your  (unsympathetic) line manager you could speak to about this? If you were introduced to him then I'm guessing you'll be working with him or in close proximity to him?  In those cirumstances, if I was your employer, I'd be looking at the situation in terms of the fact that I owe you a duty of care and I should not expect you to work in a situation that is going to cause you distress. You might want to, politely (i.e. not in a threatening "I'm going to take you to a tribunal" way) put this to your employer. 

[ALLO]

i know it's a very hard thing but the lord say's let vengence be mine!  we must forgive people know mater what they have done. in your heart you need to forgive him, i know this is a hard thing to ask consiering what horrible thing this man did! i'll be praying for you to make the rite decision!!!!!!

[lindapinda]

I agree with everything Miss Zippy says,and I do not think that you should have to be burdened with such an exceptional circumstance and expected to deal with it as if it were of no real consequence.

[flaming]

I haven't any answer - just an observation about the Sod's law which operates in situations as difficult as this.  Of all the people, in all the world.... Nothing to do with anything so tragic but I had a silmilar long-odds situation happen to me a while ago, and I often shake my head wondering how it could have come about. How awful for you, and of course for the man involved who might be remorseful and ashamed, and will have to deal with it all in his head again once he realises who you are  just when he thought he was making a new start

[spammylou]

someone I know done this very thing and I find it very difficult to speak to him, he wasnt drunk though just had no licence, no mot, no insurance, and was a dangerous driver, and was done for this matter. The car was defective and he knew it. He killed a woman coming the opposite direction.  A friend of mine knew her, her family were devastated.  This bloke did time for this and had been driving around like this for a long time, it was inevitable it would happen. I do not have time for him and never did, but I know his wife well.  I do not think prison made a difference. It wasn't the first time.  This person you mention may/may not be of the same ilk, but bide your time and see - what sort of person he really is? Could he still be doing these same things? Has he changed? Then anything you decide to do will be from an informed decision, rather than one of rash. I sympathise -  there is a lot of tongue biting in this.

[thikasabrik]

Thank you all for your thoughts and ideas. Before posting reply this I did have a word with personnel and it's now been agreed that he will work in a different part of the building, some distance from me, and other staff will act as a 'buffer' between us. My workmates have been so supportive it nearly moved me to tears today. The guy in question starts work on Tues. 3rd May so I will take a deep breath on that day. I think I can forgive but unfortunately I can't forget. Thanks again.