sacrifices

[splange]

Can anybody tell me if they have ever had to make painful/difficult sacrifices in order to follow what was important to them, rightly or wrongly. This isn't an arbitrary question, I am working on a thesis as to what drives people and why.

[twiglet4frog]

my dad gave up a place in the nottingham forest team to marry my mum. He was a great footballer but gave it all up and became an engineer instead. he doesnt regret it for a minute tho (although if he was offered 100k a week like they do now he might change his mind )

[Peter Pedant]

I accused my employer of lying in court under oath.

He had and us Roman Catholics are kind of funny about oaths. It is easily the most shocking thing I have seen, I couldnt believe the effect it had on me - slack jawed, breathless and white.

Obviously my career went zoop ! I have no regrets. I would do the same thing again tomorrow.

[splange]

Was your employer found to be lying or did he get away with it? Basically was your sacrifice rewarded?

[Peter Pedant]

erm sorry plange we are talking different languages. Of course sacrifices arent rewarded - if they are they are not sacrifices, they are loss leaders or wonderful investments!

After a sacrifice, one is in a disadvantaged position, and you think to yourself I know why I am here and I have no regrets. The defendant who I was supporting lost his job but I did not.

This sacrifce was painful but not difficult....

unexpected pay-offs -  No-one has ever said you did this for a pay rise !!!! I get asked for advice and my advice is treated with respect - not by the management of course, are you crazy? .....The MD has changed - the next one who didnt clear the mess is also going. The collection of evidence has completely changed. The investigations of misconduct has completely changed.

[Peter Pedant]

The passing on of evidence to public authorities has completely changed. the treatment of evidecne and statements - allegations -  from employers such as mine has compeltely  changed. witnesses do not now have their arms twisted by my employer.

all this was unforeseen

[Peter Pedant]

unsubstantiated allegations are not taken at face value by my employer. Employees are not invited as they once were, to rebut allegations...

- but you could say But they were never really meant to have been under English law. That's what I said.

Oh at one point -  unrecorded -  my employer said he was not bound by English Law and I said I really dont think you have understood the advice your lawyers have given you.

Five years ago - oh! what fun I had !

[splange]

Peter, you are quite right, sacrifices are not payed back in any official capacity but perhaps they are in a moral/soulful way. I sense that you have been something of a 'lion heart' in tackling an injustice head on and hopefully you integrity was paid back ten-fold (one catholic to another) in some greater sense. You say yu didn't lose your job but the person you were defending did, therefore was your sacrifice, anonymity?

[flaming]

Good for Peter the Pedant but I would point out to him and splange that Roman Catholics have not cornered the market in the truth stakes.  I have recently had some unfortunate business dealings with one who was somewhat economical with the truth and has betrayed my trust.  I must remember the oath bit, another time.  There's trustworthy people and there's not, whatever label is attached.

[Peter Pedant]

The sacrifice ? I suppose none if you think about it.. All the supporters were promised lack of promotion, which was true. All the admin placemen got better places. No surprise there then.

I think flaming is right - when people ask me about taking on their employer, I usually remind them that doing so may lose them their jobs. I usually tell them that if it is having prinicples and paying bills and feeding the kids, they have a higher duty to feed the kids.

Splange - I have to sympathise. Funnily enough my MD looked on me as having betrayed his trust and i was never to be trusted again !

Trusted with what, I asked non-plussed.

Oonora Oneill wrote a good book on trust and confidence - reith lectures Cambridge Univ press 2002 whcih I re read during the recent election and found very interesting.

[vixiepixie]

hi splange, i had to sacrifice being with the man i love as he treats me badly and we had a very unhealthy relationship. After a few years of extreme stress and splitting up more times than i can count, i finally ended it for good last year. I realised that if i carried on letting him abuse me (emotionally) he would never learn that what he was doing was wrong. He's not a bad person (young, refugee, ex-soldier) and I love the essence of him but i simply can't tolerate his behaviour any more. He still calls me telling me he loves me and i miss him terribly but what can i do when he constantly lets me down, lies and bullies me? It's been very hard but the old cliche is true; if you genuinely love someone you have to set them free. The one thing I would never ever sacrifice (not even for love) would have to be my sanity.

Good luck with your thesis!