Selfish Parents ?

[sunny-dave]

I expect to get shot ... but here goes :

Widening the discussion from the current 'cruise holiday' thread - what part of "I may have to amend some parts of my lifestyle to fit in with the 20+ year project of raising a child" is so bloody difficult for people to understand.

People seem to assume that the world will take infinite pains to fit in around them and their mewling/puking/screaming offspring - rather than them recognising that they are the ones that should be adapting their behaviour and expectations to fit in with the constraints of having a child.

Babies love routine and hate change/disruption - yet the "I walked the Inca Trail whilst breast-feeding" brigade seem utterly unwilling to understand either the grief they are causing their baby or the collateral damage they are doing to other people's holiday.

Actually it's not just holidays - it's everywhere - pubs, restaurants, cinemas, etc, et bloody cetera.



grumpy and (before anyone else says it) childless dave xx

[2sp_]

I have two kids and do agree with you, dave. (The world continues to spin on it's axis.)

We have made a lot of changes to our lives after having them.

I do try to sit away from childless people in cafes and the like - not that we go to them often. I'm very aware that not everybody wants to hear/see/smell them.

I wouldn't dream of taking them to the cinema or theatre.

[Sqad]

LOL......well dave i have had four of the buggers and i would agree with you.

However it is more than that....it is the woman finally graduating, fulfilling her function, having her baby. Feeding it, whenever and wherever she wants, looking at it constantly, comparing it's nose with Uncle Albert's nose and telling endless tales of how you can make it smile.
Some even stick the photos on AB.........it's a baby for Christ's sake.

[carrust]

I've stopped going into restaurants & especially pubs early for that self same reason....parents cannot or will not control their children. BTW, I've got 2 kids, grown up now thankfully.

[237SJ]

To be fair, that`s mainly in the UK though. You don`t get that ethos in Asia, South America, Africa etc. It`s just the Brits (and Americans) that indulge their kids to the point that they take priority over everyone and everything else.

[B00]

But on the flip side...

They're small people, not an alien species to be segregated till you decide they're socially acceptable.

Barring babies, all children should be brought up with a sense of respect for other people and their surroundings. If they are you should hardly notice their existence around you.

[Ric.ror]

Had a conversation along these lines the other day
Our conclusion was that whilst it might be one of the hardest jobs in the world to be a parent, it's not hard to cherish your child(ren)

[sherrardk]

We go to child friendly pubs and go on child friendly holidays. When we were childless we went to grown-up places. I don't particularly want to go to grown-up places and spend my whole time wondering if my children 'come up to scratch' in the eyes of those without children with them. It's not difficult to accommodate children and if parents can't change their lifestyles to do so then maybe they shouldn't have had children.

[sunny-dave]

Yep - that's all true B00 - and in appropriate places children are a joy that should be cherished.

My god-children were introduced to eating out at an early age, in child-friendly Chinese Restaurants full of noise and bustle to keep them interested and happy - most times no-one would have known they were there.

It's the "we can still have it all, we're entitled" attitudes from (some) parents that annoy me, as they bring children into situations where they are unhappy/bored/fractious.

[ummmm]

So what do parents do? Go to the park?

The only routine you need to keep with a baby is sleeping times.

[anneasquith]

says it all.......................( childless dave ),

[ummmm]

Or you could say selfish childless people who expect parents to stay home in case their baby cries and annoys them!

[Psybbo]

Dave, what annoys me most are those parents who take their children to a busy restaurant and then let them run around everywhere causing chaos and accidents with waiters trying to serve hot food, while they sit ignoring what's going on around, sibs mother of two.

[humbersloop]

yes, it does anne

not having children doesn't render people mute about the way others use public social space

[Jeza]

When my son was young all we could afford was a caravan by the sea. As he got older we stayed in the UK because I didn't think it right to inflict child on other adults.

[Hypognosis]

//Or you could say selfish childless people who expect parents to stay home in case their baby cries and annoys them! //

Baby crying noises are not annoying.

Brat-ish, running back and forth, loud, mouthy, rude, cheeky, sweary, high-pitch screamy small kids are not annoying.

Constant reminders that you've not got some of your own though... kind of eats holes in your soul and messes with your head for a few days.

nah, you've obviously got kids, so your empathy won't stretch to understanding that part. Maybe reincarnation could expand your perspective?

[sunny-dave]

It's about striking a happy medium - putting parents and children into purdah is as obviously wrong as the behaviour I was having a rent-a-rant about in my OP.

I actually do like children (although eating a whole one at a single sitting is a challenge) ...

[gness]

I have a gun, Dave.....☺....but I agree to a point.

I don't like family holidays, family pubs and restaurants etc and I'm not really over fond of other peoples children so I didn't let having two of my own children force me into a very different way of life. We became a couple with children....not four monsters to be avoided at all costs.

Babies don't necessarily love routine and hate change/disruption...well mine didn't. I may not have walked the Inca Trail but I had the opportunity to do a fair bit of world travel with a young son and a baby....dammed if I was going to miss out on that.....it wasn't going to be offered twice.

And can you imagine me not twitching in a hide for twenty+ years? As long as I oiled the wheels on the buggy all was quiet....☺

I can promise you that we caused no grief or collateral damage because I wouldn't want to inflict on others something I am not prepared to put up with. And in truth it wasn't difficult to travel with non-mewling, non puking, non-screaming offspring.....they don't all do that....perhaps you are just not noticing the well behaved and well brought up ones....☺

If I've waffled put it down to the medication....hic....x

[ummmm]

Because I have children I can't have empathy for those that want them? You jumped to that conclusion, how?

[Psybbo]

Didn't understand a word of that, must be delirious

[ummmm]

Very well said, Gness...