Etiquette

[retrocop]

Probably not the right place to post this but the only alternative would be CB. I am actually hoping for some helpful answers as a matter of curiosity. I am happy to have a some humour injected into the (hopefully) debate. Banter is great.
Don't let me lay down too many ground rules. I am the last to stifle a robust ,fiery debate. :-) should it happen.
QUESTION: Do ABers consider it bad manners and offensive at any time in their life to be addressed by their surname only?
I note on BBC and ITV news channels that political commentators will address ,to their anchorman, and call senior politicians in Government by their surnames. Blair,Cameron and Osbourne have all been addressed as such on TV without their titles of Prime Minister or Chancellor!!
I know that there are a good few men on this site who have served in the armed forces and other disciplined bodies.
Danny served his country just after the 2nd World conflict in the army for a good few years and then became a Police Sergeant. Baldric,Chill,Waterboatman,Mr aog,myself and my father plus many more men served their country.
Whilst at school I was always addressed by my teachers and masters by my surname only.When I left school and went into light engineering on the shop floor I was also addressed by the boss by my surname.I joined Hendon Police College,my father went to Peel House,and we were both addressed by our instructors and senior officers by our surnames. Men who join the armed forces are,as recruits,addressed by their surname by the "drill pigs" and RSMs etc.
My wife,as a young student nurse was addressed by Matron,
Sister or Senior staff as Nurse Whatever.
Did any men object to being addressed by their surnames and were any women on AB ever addressed only by their surnames in their employment perhaps many years ago. I believe a young schoolgirl may be addressed by her full name i.e. "Daisy Phillips please sit in the corner". What are your thoughts and experiences especially long in the past. Thanks.

[retrocop]

Does tend to be case it apears that women dont expect to be addressed by their surnames but men are not so worried.
Jackdaw. If I were a teacher and addressed by a pupil by my surname only without Mr,Mrs,Miss I would have a whisper in the childs ear as I find that impudent but if I called the pupil out by his surname for being impudent to me then I am being hypocritical.
I agree that unfamiliar persons who are addressed by their first names by nursing staff and doctors is unprofessional and my wife refuses to address her patients as Dolly or whatever whilst Dolly is in the waiting area with other patients. However my wife is a colonoscopy/endoscopy nurse and most of her job is to chat and reassure very anxious patients whilst they endure the procedure,so ,with permission of the patient ,will address them by their first name . It is a line that has to be drawn,particularly when age is calculated in the question, but is it downright rude and offensive at the end of the day particularly in a male environment.If we witness it on a News programme and it is offensive and rude why is it tolerated,particularly by the
hierachcy of the hallowed PC BBC?

[Peter Pedant]

// Is this thread about being called Smith rather than Mr Smith or John rather than Mr Smith ?//

trubble with a long question

anyway I gave a rambling answer

OhGod I forgot ! madam comes from mea domina - latin so what happened to Domine ( quo vadis domine etc ) ?
yeah that went to priests
and so sieur was used in Norman Fransh for bother sire and sir
that is where we get it from
sieur was only used for a few...

sorry forgot that

[Peter Pedant]

age related

i wouldnt dream of addressing a leddy with her first name
unless ma-darm had specifically and probably with a signed chitty
given me permission

[vulcan42]

If people don't mind being called by their surname when at school why do they object when becoming an adult? Is it their status, Mr, Mrs, Dr,Sir etc more important then who they actually are?

[Peter Pedant]

o and it isnt etiquetter

it is recognised and accepted mode of references and address

you can write theses in an ology on this

someone did it for Jane Austen novels and not surprisignly got a hieratchy

[pixie374]

It's not age related, it's familiarity. As a carer, older people are always asked how they prefer to be addressed and without fail, choose their first name. It depends more on context. They might prefer mr/mrs from a stranger. I do't think I would even refer to.someone by surname only, but it's understandable for someone well-known and less clumsy than mr/mrs.the whole way through.

[stuey]

To the OP: I must admit that on the odd occasion that I have responded to you, I have used your Christian name, Retro. From now on I shall address you by your Surname, Cop...Are you OK with that, Buddy?:)

[woofgang]

In school we were addressed by first/last or first depending on the circumstances. In college we were Miss/Mr (no married students while I was there) then last name. At work originally we were Miss/Mr/Mrs Lastname and that was the expected method of address in public but as the years went on, staff would address each other by first names publicly. The rule with patients always was, and should be, that they should be asked how they would like to be addressed and the default should be Mr/Mrs/Miss/other title Lastname. People with strokes/dementia/head injuries are a special case IMO and while they may not be able to say how they want to be addressed, care should be taken to identify the address that they can respond to and the one that will make them feel good. I wouldn’t use “love" or “dear” habitually but it can have its uses if someone is distressed. If I didn’t know a patient’s name and was speaking to them, I would use “Sir” or “madam” and, in fact still do if I am eg telling someone they have dropped something or have an undone shoelace.
Personally i don’t mind if my doctor and my dentist or similar professional who I know calls me by my first name, and I call them by theirs. I am equally happy to be called Mrs Lastname and would then call the doctor Dr Lastname. If I am dealing with a situation where I am a customer then I expect to be called Mrs Lastname until I invite the person to do something else. I have never been called “Lastname” without the honorific by anyone but have never been in the forces.
Can I ask why you are asking?

[Peter Pedant]

sorry pixo
it IS age related
you dont ask a six year old how he wishes to be addressed
Jo john johnnie fella big boy o great one laddie tea bag apollo

but you DO some one older as so it is related to age ergo

[Peter Pedant]

o my gard stoo !

I neva asked if I could asked if I could call you Stoo !

[ I only did it to annoy by thw way ! ]

[pixie374]

Yes, pp. I mean older people don't automatically object to having their first name used.

[woofgang]

Millie, Ms can be for Miss or Mrs. they aren’t asking if you are married per se but asking what title you choose to use.

[ladyalex]

Thank you for Best Answer, Retrocop.

[Peter Pedant]

// es, pp. I mean older people don't automatically object to having their first name used.//

jesus they do to me
I just dont do it now

[pixie374]

Ask first ;-)

[stuey]

I am certainly cognizant of that salient fact, Petah. Anyhoo, I'm orf for a beer or two...Cheers, Old Chap.

[Jackdaw33]

I went up to university in 1972. Students were always addressed as Mr or Miss, unless an extra-curricular friendship was developed, when first names were used.

[mastercraft]

I don't mind being addressed by my surname as long as 'mister' is used first.

Strange phenomenon.... in secondary school,
I was always called by my surname from male tutors (no 'Mister' back then, Master on a good day, *** on a bad! ), but it was always first name terms with the Miss or Mrs tutor... which suited me fine.

[Canary42]

At my first job (1960) in an insurance company all managers addressed the male staff by their surname but female staff by their first name. One manager who referred to his female staff by their surname was regarded as very rude.

[Bathsheba]

The term "Christian name" is now considered bad manners these days,....just saying.......;)

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