My Uncaring Sister

[thelewisgang]

The saying goes "you can choose your friends but not your family" & how true this is. 23 months ago I left my husband after being married for 46 years due to domestic abuse. I had to go to save my sanity. I was lucky to find a shared ownership house & I have been happy here & made new friends, for which I am grateful. I moved to an area where I knew nobody & it wasn't easy! I have a sister who lives 130 miles from me but she hardly ever keeps in touch & find this very sad. Recently I have been under the weather healthwise & told her in an email I was poorly. Almost 2 weeks went by before she bothered to reply. She only emails. She won't use the house phone & although I've asked her if she will keep in touch by text, that never happens. I have a very good friend who texts me every single day to make sure I am ok & it is lovely to know that someone cares although she too lives many miles from me. Tonight I have told my sister in an email to get on with her life & I will get on with mine! I know I will get a barrage of abuse back. She is my only relative & just feel like screaming. Sorry for the rant. Pat xx

[Samuraisan]

I know how you feel. My sister stopped speaking to me the day after our mother died. 15 years ago, and I still don't known why.it still hurts.

[snags]

''I know I will get a barrage of abuse back''

And if you needed reassurance that the decision you made is the right one, there it is.

[scorpiojo]

Good for you, Pat xx

[Mamyalynne]

You've done the right thing, ignore any backlash and when you feel better try to get out and make new friends locally.

PS, You always have us ♥

[thelewisgang]

thank you! Yes I know I have the AB's help & support. It hurts though. She is a very short tempered woman so I know her reply will come into my inbox overnight. I do have some nice friends & I am thankful for them. If my only sibling can't be bothered to keep in touch, then she will have to accept I won't either. I told her tonight in my email it would be quicker to send me a quick text than waiting for a kettle to boil. That won't go down well!! Thanks again you lovely lot. Pat xx

[zebo]

Sounds like you've done the right thing, saying you can both go your own way. Not wanting to sound morbid but if she's your nearest relative make sure your financial affairs reflect your wishes, bad relatives have a habit of showing up where there's the chance of a legacy.

[237SJ]

Sounds a bit like my sister. She is a couple of years older than me and older sisters are supposed to look after younger sisters. My sister doesn`t. She has never been a sister to me. She came to stay with me when Mum was dying and having her in the house with me made me feel quite ill. We were estranged for a while after that but at the end of the day, she is still my sister and she is the only link I have to my late parents. I have managed to find a way forward with her now - contact twice a year on our birthdays and Christmas. We will never be friends and never have been. You just have to find a place for her in your life and if that means keeping her at arm`s length then so be it.

[thelewisgang]

Strange you should say that zebo because when I moved the first thing she said was to make her my next of kin!! No blooming way. She fleeced our dear mum of the money she had & I will always believe she altered my mum's will before she died. She even worked at the solicitors who handled it. Although I haven't got a lot of money, I'd rather leave it to a charity.

[mazie]

I think you have a lot of courage to leave after 46 years and do what you have done. It must hurt when family don't feel like family. Well done for telling your Sister and don't take any of her abuse. xxx

[Barsel]

I'm sorry to hear you and your sister don't get on together. Sometimes this happens in families and we don't always know why.Two of my daughters don't get on and I've never found out why. I would like to think though that one would be there for the other in times of need, but as you have said, your sister hardly bothered when you were ill, so sometimes we just have to accept it and get on with our lives.I'm pleased you have made new friends and hope you will always find support from them. x

[thelewisgang]

thank you so much for your kind words. This means so much to me xx

[hereIam]

I have the same problem with my brother, my only sibling, but I no longer care, although it hasn't been easy. You've made the right decision.

[murraymints]

after my dad passed last Oct I discovered my sis and 2 brothers had gone behind my back and got up to all manner of jiggery pokery concerning mum ..which was a damned cheek as I am the only one here caring for her...it has now been sorted legally but I will NEVER have anything to do with them again ...you have to consider yourself Pat and what is good for you...

[Cloverjo]

Sounds like you made the right decision, Pat. Just get on with your life now, and ignore any abuse she might send.

[cassa333]

Although telling your sister a home truth feels both right and wrong at the same time, I would have been tempted to just not contact her.

Saying 'out loud' to the person conserved you will not be contacting them is cathartic and really focuses the emotions and you have to be very sure it is what you want but can help you move on. There is no denying that lol

BUT one wonders how long she would have gone not contacting you had you said nothing? That would have been interesting to see.

Anyway, you were brave enough to get out of a very long relationship that was not good for you and you have been brave in this one. Well done and good luck.