Marriage Location

[MelanieGreen011]

Hello, I moved from my country to study, here I met my current partner, we now live together and have a baby. We recently started talking about getting married (we don't have the money for it now, but he will propose when we do). Now my problem is: WHERE shall we get married? Obviously all his family and friends live here but all mine are back in my country. I can't get married without my family and friends but I would feel bad to ask them to come over and pay for travel and hotel (we live in a very expensive city) also cause I have a very big family while he's close basically only to his brother and sister. So maybe we could go to my country instead? But still I don't feel like asking his family to pay for flight and hotel. I would love to pay for my family or his to come but as I said we hardly have the money for the wedding. What shall we do? Thanks! xx

[Buenchico]

Marry in one country and have a 'blessing' (or whatever's appropriate to your religious beliefs, or lack of them) in the other later on, so that both sets of relatives can celebrate your marriage.

[Mamyalynne]

An inexpensive wedding in one country and a simple blessing in the other.

Be happy.x

[Cloverjo]

My son and his wife had a similar problem. They got married here, and went to her country a short time afterwards to have a nice dinner with her family. Everyone was happy.

[MallyJ]

Get married somewhere else entirely and invite both families. Some will come and some will not be able to. Then have a party in both your countries. Doing it this way means everyone gets a chance to be with you at your wedding bur equally everyone can party with you to celebrate your marriage afterwards. Hopefully no one will feel left out.

[Kidas]

Or...

A super-simple Register Office wedding here in UK for the legal stuff with only a couple of best friends as witnesses, then one party here and another in your country. Everyone is invited to both (to be inclusive), but most people probably will not travel.

Then...Find a way to bring your respective parents/close relatives together so they can get to know the new members of their families.

[KARL]

Kidas' suggestion seems the best compromise within the conventional pressures. But what about screening all the pressures, expectations, etc. out and getting married to get married and then telling everyone afterwards ? That would of course not be good if you worry more about "the big day", "family involvement" (how many scores of people included in order "not to offend" ?), all of it extremely costly and pretty much purely for appearances to "fit in" with convention.

If you are inclined to say this would adversely affect the marriage and its future prospects then consider that my wife and I went exactly the way I described. More than 50% of marriages end in divorce most of which had a "big day" at the outset, a lot of them within 10 years. My wife and I spoke about this when discussing getting married, we agreed that if it didn't go well we would be honest with each other and say so and agree to part, no acrimony was to be entered into. I think (even know) that this was a good start and actually pushed us closer to each other and we are now less than 3 years from our golden anniversary in what I think both of us would say is a very good marriage. Luck has come into it, I have no doubt, but clear thinking was the decider at a complicated and difficult time.