Adopting One Child But Not It's Sibling.

[kvalidir]

My partner has just called me absolutely furious and incredulous because he's just heard that the people up the road who have been fostering two lovely little kids are adopting the little girl (about 5 or 6) but not adopting her bother (about 7 or 8) and that they are returning him to a group home for children. He's fairly frothing at the mouth about it and so am I. To my knowledge they are both lovely little kids who have been with them a good couple of years, and seem well adjusted with no obvious behavioural issues. How the hell could you do that to a child, and how the hell could you be allowed to do that? This is the US not UK I should add. I'm so sad for him, poor little mite.

[emmie]

that is cruel beyond words, someone should tell them that they should take both or neither. How could they split up the pair now that they are in a home.

[Mamyalynne]

There is a deep sadness about that, of course I don't know their reasoning or situation but poor lad - indeed also heartbreaking for his sister too.

[SparklyKid]

We should know more other than heresay.

[melv16]

It could have something to do with the amount of bedrooms that the couple have. As they get older they might not be allowed to share one.

[kvalidir]

They've got a similar style house to ours Melv, so it's quite big enough and they must earn a good amount, I'm just heartbroken for him, and tbh question whether such people who have made a decision like that are suitable as parents, judgemental as that sounds.
I'd adopt him if I was already over there and things were settled, he's lovely. Poor little lad :(

[Patsy33]

That breaks my heart..Shouldn't be allowed. It will surely effect them psychologically.

[melv16]

If it's true, I find it extremely heartless.

[kvalidir]

Well certainly they have room and money, so unless he has some sort of hidden massive behavioural issues we don't know about which I suppose he might then I think it's absolutely appalling and we both think the same as Emmie, that either take both of them or neither. The little boy's feelings aside, how the hell can that even work with the little girl in the future? I'm genuinely dreadfully upset about this, and not a little shocked.

[emmie]

it is shocking, no doubt about that.

[kvalidir]

People who think children are commodities and should be tailored to suit their lives and their image. The little girl is like a fairy princess, gorgeous little thing, the little boy perhaps less technically aesthetically pleasing and maybe not so much like them as a couple, but a lovely warm little boy. I wonder if that has anything to do with it :(

[Rockrose]

American adoption is completely different - you don' know the ins and outs so you should not pass judgement about that you know nothing about.

[Neveracrossword]

My friend is a social worker and says this scenario has been known to happen, for many reasons. One could be that the children have had such a horrendous start in life that keeping them together could prevent them from fully getting over that.

[kvalidir]

I'm trying very hard not to be judgemental RR, but failing miserably as you can see :)
At the moment it is hear say as well, he's not heard it from the people themselves, but via a third party ( people are quite 'surprised' too locally apparently), so perhaps indeed there might be a reason, on the surface though neither of us can see one and we're both surprisingly upset about it (he comes into the garden and plays with the cat and in the water feature) so we've had a little bit to do with him and we're quite fond of him.

[kvalidir]

I do hope it's something like that Never rather than them being cynical :/

[ummmm]

Sad, very sad, poor fella. It's another rejection.

[spathiphyllum]

You never know what goes on behind closed doors.

[kvalidir]

I think so Ummm, I mean clearly even if there are issues it's going to add to them, at least for him since he's the one not chosen, not picked, separated from what I'm sure he considers to be his family and his sister. It's a really alien concept to me ( and my partner for that matter-he's pinging off the walls about it) to accept one child and reject another. I just could not do that.

[kvalidir]

He's 8 Spath, being a parent is taking the rough with the smooth, not jacking it all in because something is difficult or not perfect, plus he's been there a good while, so I can;t see things can be that intolerable.

[spathiphyllum]

As i said.. things may not be as they seem.

[spathiphyllum]

face value though.. yes giant shame. Don't adopt either of them or adopt them both.

It's nice they're foster parents though, it means they do care about the quality of life they have.