Wedding Etiquette - No 2

[Barmaid]

There's only going to be one speech and that is mine. Mr BM isnt really happy at the idea of public speaking so it will be my job to thank everyone, crack a few jokes, say how lovely the bridesmaids look (there is no best man either and my father will absolutely NOT speak).

Two questions:-

a) We have a fair complement of infirm guests and those of advanced years. There will also be a lot of guests in the advanced stages of inebriation and also a fair few who simply cant get up without injuring themselves. Do you think that if I say at the outset that I would prefer guests to remain seated for the toasts (there will only be three - to absent friends, the bridesmaids and my new husband) that this is OK? It's not an event where we are sticking to the rules. I reckon as the bride I can make my own rules. But would this just be awful? I just dont want elderly people trying to get up and if they cant feeling an "odd one out".

b) Any jokes I can play on my new husband? I am thinking of asking the ladies present to return their keys now he is a married man............

[TonyV]

Barmaid know will make a great speech, key joke sounds good.

[andy-hughes]

Hi Barmaid -

a) - you can have the ceremony and speeches any way you want them - it's your day, so if you want the toast responders to stay seated, advise them of that, it's not a problem, it's your wedding/

b) - definitely, and make sure loads of ladies have keys which they walk over and give to him, and then, when everyone has sat down - get a waiter or the MC to pass his key last!

[Zacs-Master]

Not happy at the idea of public speaking! What a wuss. You sure you’re making the right choice? (Zacs readies his white charger).

[Barmaid]

Thanks Tony and A-H.

lol, A-H, I already have a good (male) friend of ours lined up to deliver the last key. This will be after my sister.

[shoota]

I can speak in public....
"It gives me great pleasure..."

[Barmaid]

Zacs, it works perfectly. This way I get the last word............... :)

To be fair, he did say he would do it but he also said that I am much better at that sort of thing. Creep, knew what he was doing!

[Barmaid]

lol, Shoota. It's not what you do in public that matters..........

[Zacs-Master]

I knew giving you the vote would lead to this sort of thing.

[Cloverjo]

It’s perfectly ok to do the toast while people are seated. In fact I can’t remember any wedding I’ve been to where the guests were asked to stand.

[Cloverjo]

B) at one wedding I went to someone played the same joke on the groom, and a heavily pregnant lady walked up and put a key on the top table. That was funny.

[woofgang]

I think the seated for toasts things sounds very kind and sensible.....could you have some of the key returners also return stuff like fluffy handcuffs and so on? ....

[Barmaid]

Thanks Clover and Woof.

You are obviously on the same page, Woof. I have a pair of pink fluffy handcuffs which the last key returner (our male friend) will ceremoniously dump on the table.

[shoota]

That's a good idea, Woof woof, BM could borrow yours...

[Zacs-Master]

As best man at my friend’s wedding a couple of years ago in York (where he was marrying a Lancashire Lass) I began my speech by welcoming all the Lancashire people and asking them if they were getting used to electricity and the indoor toilets.

[andy-hughes]

Cliverjo - // In fact I can’t remember any wedding I’ve been to where the guests were asked to stand. //

I am surprised, I can't remember a wedding where people were NOT asked to stand, including mine, my three daughters, one of them twice, and various friends.

[Zacs-Master]

You must move in more ‘ rifeyned ‘ circles than us, Andy.

[andy-hughes]

Zacs - // Not happy at the idea of public speaking! What a wuss. //

Somewhat unkind I think.

I am a DJ, and have addressed loads of seminars and meetings, so public speaking is fine for me, but I regard myself as firmly in the minority!

The fear of saying the wrong thing, freeing, or just an unnamed fear of being the centre of attention is something that affects the vast majority of people, and I would never decry anyone for not being a born show-off like me!

[Zacs-Master]

Pah! Few glasses of wine. No problem.

[andy-hughes]

Zacs - // Pah! Few glasses of wine. No problem. //

I can't agree.

As a DJ I will always invite the guest of honour at a party to say a few words, and the majority decline, for the reasons I have given, and the minority that do accept are obviously nervous and uncomfortable, but keen to thank their guests, and they mumble a few words and hand the mic back as quickly as possible!

[Zacs-Master]

Andy. I’m joking. For gawd sake man lighten up.