Christmas after a death in family

[darcydark]

Just wondered if anyone could tell me is there a protocol to observe about Christmas after a death in the family. A Grandmother in this case.

Shoul you put a tree up, send cards, decorate the house, keep things low key or what? Grateful for any constructive answers.

[netibiza]

I think it all depends on how you feel. Life continues on after a death. Are there children in the house, they should still be able to enjoy Christmas. they'll be sad enough without losing Christmas aswell. Maybe a quieter Christmas, yes with a tree and decs but not the karioke or huge parties. It's up to the family, there are no hard and fast rules and no one should judge you.

[mimififi]

I think if it were my grandmother, I would do Christmas as she would have wanted me to have done. She knows how much I love christmas, and enjoy the time sepnt with family, and she loves christmas too (like a little girl!), and I think she would be very sad if she knew that I didn't observe christmas how she would have wanted me to, she would be heartbroken if she knew I 'ignored' christmas, or wrapped it in a shroud just for her, especially as the children are little and wouldn't' understand.

I think she would want me to talk about it with the rest of the family and make sure that everyone knew it was ok to cry at the christmas dinner table, because they were sad she wasn't there, but that that was ok. I think she would want me to decorate my tree with her favourite decoration, sing to the children her favourite carols, buy her favourite chocolates and pour her a jolly large Sherry and drink a true toast to her.

I hope this helps, but know that I am thinking of you, and can't imagine the heartbreak you must be feeling especially at this time of year. My heart goes out to you and your extended family. *Hugs*

[dzug]

Given that it's a month to Christmas, I think I'd try to be reasonably normal. Maybe postpone the decorations until nearer the time (I never put them up until Christmas Eve anyway).

It does depend on what you feel comfortable doing though.

[Cetti]

I can only speak from my own experience as my mother died during Christmas a few years ago. There is no given protocol as far as death is concerned so no right and wrong way to behave. Just do what is right for you and makes you feel comfortable.

Looking at it logically darcydark, celebrating Christmas however you want to do it shows no disrespect for your departed loved one, in fact in a way carrying on as near normal as possible is all part of the healing process.

[boobesque]

my auntie died close to christmas a few years back, and as she loved christmas, we did everything we normally do, and had her picture on pride of place on the mantlepeice, it made my mum feel a lot better about carrying on christmas as usual.

Condoloences to you and your family. x

[Oneeyedvic]

When my wife's mother died, she could not face Christams at home so we got a late break and went away. Was a lot easier to cope with.

[coyn]

There is one thing that is certain and that is that gran wouldn't want her passing to spoil her grandchildrens christmas.

Celebrate the fact that the kids had a wonderful grandma and make it a part of christmas every year to remember her.

If a persons passing is normal it should be remembered with fondness not shied away from.

[buttons]

darcy, everyone is very different. My grandfather died on christmas day three years ago now. We knew he was getting to that stage and decided not to have too many decorations and bright colourful lights up, however knowing that he loved christmas, and always made a real show every year it seemed almost fitting that he died on christmas day. A year on and we decided not to meddle in the grief, and to have a christmas that we know he would have loved to have been a part of. At the end of the day christmas is all about the kids, and especially the younger they are the less likely they are to know what the reason for not celebrating is. Just go with christmas, maybe keep things a little more low key this year.

[Octavius]

One of my uncles died in Ireland just before Christmas last year, and it was protocol for us not to send Christmas cards to the family. We had Christmas as normal in the UK but had prayer read.

I personally would go with Cetti's answer above.

[smudge]

Sorry to hear about your Grandmother darcy.

I know both my parents/grandparents, etc., would have wanted us to have as near a norm' Christmas as possible. Therefore, I would still put up a tree & a few dec's, especially for the children. Take care.

[darcydark]

Thanks everyone for your replies, much appreciated. Think we will celebrate Christmas but just keep it a little low key.

Christmas is a time of joy, peace and loving so will remember her in our own way.

Thanks again.

[sonofbullet]

I lost my Mother earlier this year and decided Christmas this Year would be hard without her. Therefore, I have booked a 3-week holiday in Phuket were I can lie on the beach and chill out. She will be looking down and smiling..... that's my boy she will be saying...!! Everyone finds different ways in coping....

[smudge]

My condolences to you & your family sono.