Am I Being Selfish Wanting Justice For My Mum?

[kardemommme]

My parents divorced 8 years ago under messy circumstances while I was at university. Now I am 29 and live with my dad and his new "girlfriend" (I have my own floor mind you, and plan to move out eventually).

To give you the backstory: After 22 years of marriage, my mum finally left. She lost the house they built together and was basically left with nothing. My father was verbally and physically abusive towards her, pathologically jealous, would threaten her every time she wanted to leave (with killing both of them). He always cared about his money, was absent a lot of the time being god knows where while she worked and took care of me.

Don't get me wrong tho, he is not all bad, he was never abusive towards me, but witnessing their dysfunctional marriage unfortunately scarred me for life and it's still hard for me to move on even at 29. I do love my dad and want the best for him. I am glad he is happy with his new woman but it's almost unbearable for me to have her, practically, move in the house that still partially belongs to my mum. I wish we could all leave the past behind and move on with our lives, but I feel that as long as my father doesn't take responsibility for all the abuse he put my mother through and quit accusing her of leaving him for another man (which is a total lie), none of us can.

I don't want to stand in the way of my dad's happiness, but just standing back and allowing this woman to live in my mum's house is making me feel like I am betraying her.

It's a mess and I would appreciate any advice on how to cope with this situation. Thanks.

[bednobs]

i am confused about your post
she cant have lost the house AND it still be hers which is what your post suggests
"pathologically jealous, would threaten her every time she wanted to leave (with killing both of them)." both of who?
in anycase if you are uncomfortable with it, either move out, so you can be guilt free, or learn to live with the guilt

[Hazlinny]

I see this is your first post and it is somewhat confusing! At 29, you should be able to decide what to do for the best.

[elliemay1]

Where does your Mum live now? Why not stay with her instead?

[anneasquith]

You saw the abuse he used to your mum and you are living with him . Why? Go and support your mother .

[Barmaid]

My view is that you need to seek the services of a professional counsellor.

It is for no one to judge you or either of your parents. You cannot change either of them or the outcome, it's how you deal with it that matters.