is my husband cheating

[tingly]

i have recently found 6 viagra type pill packets in my husbands pocket( taking it to dry cleaners) On seeing these I did a bit of snooping and found mobile phone bills with the same number appearing about 20 times a week, sometimes he rings it in the morning 8am on the way to work, sometimes at work, and after work.
I rang the number and discovered it is a mutual acquaintance. I confronted my husband who said he felt sorry for her cos her husband hung himself last year and that he had been comforting her.

I rang the woman and asked her if i had anything to worry about, she replied that I should ask my husband.I did, and he said nothing had happened

help everyone- I'm confused. Has he 100% been with her or could it be coincidence? Please dont be flippant, my heart is breaking and this is really important to me

[andy-hughes]

I am so sorry to read your story.

It does sound from the evidence that the relationship is more secretive than it should be if nothing is untoward.

Re. the Viagra - does your husband suffer sexual malfunction with you, has your sex life reduced, or paradoxically, increased recenty?

The lady's response that you should ask your husband, instead of offering a firm denial, suggests that she sees explanations as his responsibility - which it certainly is.

I think you should sit him down, confront him with the evidence, and your perfectly reasonable conclusions, and demand that he looks into your eyes and denies it.

Then you will know, no matter what he says.

Do come back if you need comfort and support, i see you are a new name - there are good people here who will help and support you.

Pleeas post again, I'm worried about you.

A.

[B00]

Awww you poor love, my heart goes out to you :-)

Obviously without knowing either you, your husband or this other women it's hard for an outsider to help much.

But if it were me I would be VERY suspicious as to why the other women simply told you to ask your husband if anything was happening rather than flatly deny it- which you would if it was true, wouldn't you?

Not sure where you could go from here, especially if he denies it. Is he still in contact with this woman since you confronted him?

Thinking about it, I guess you've got three options... you either try to forget about it and move on, or you keep demanding to know what (if anything) happened, this will either have the effect that he caves and tells you, or he convinces you nothing happened. Or you leave him.

Really at the end of the day, there isn't a lot anyone here can do, other than sympathise and hope that things work out for you, one way or another.

Fingers crossed, take care
Boo
xxxx

[kick3m0n]

hi tingly, I think Andys advice is good, you have to sit him down and talk to him adn then you'll know for sure. Since this woman is a mutual acquaintance, I'd have expected her to deny an affair to you if nothing had been going on. Her answer, and the viagra, would definitely lead me to think that theirs is not a purely platonic friendship but only you will know i fyour husband is telling you the truth or not. Take care,

[tingly]

Thanks for the reply. Yes he has suffered from problems with sexual function, as two years ago had problems with testicular tortion. we have not has sex for a couple of years.

Have tried sitting him down talking. He says that regarding the tablets, he popped them from the packet (6 of them) and then took them to work for his friends. He says the woman, he likes her company and feels sorry for her, and as she was born in the same area as him, feels a kinship,

I really want to believe him , thats the problem. But i ask myself, if I had a friendship with a man, and his wife asked me if I had been sleeping with him, and I hadnt, I would want to reassure her straight away, and tell her no nothing had happened.

also i kind of tricked my husband, ( i was so desparate) and said she HAD told me she had been sleeping with him, (well she hadnt denied it)-- he didnt go mad,and ring her up and say why have you been lying to my wife.

I dont know what to think

[Pea Pod]

My friends husband was having an affair and she also found viagra in his belongings. He left her for this other woman, but she has now taken him back , she says the thing that hurt the most was that he would take this for the other woman but not for her. They still have no sex life.

[tingly]

Hello peapod. Its funny when you see someone elses predicament, its so clear, and you think "they must be mad" but when its yourself and emotions come into it--- i dont know.

[Pea Pod]

You will feel as though the bottom has fell out of your`e world.When you started digging around in his mobile phone bills you obviously had an inkling something was going on,or you wouldn`t have looked. Can you move on from here.Have you a good friend who you can confide in.

[Quizmonkey]

Surely this is a wind-up??? Sounds like a soap storyline. People aren't that stupid in real life - are they?

[tingly]

quiz monkey. Think your response is a little bit cruel.
when you refer to being stupid, do you mean my husband leaving viagra packets , or me believing him?

[saanen]

Why is it cruel to say what is obvious to anyone with half an eye? If you asked the woman if you had anything to worry about, and she told you to ask your husband, that is as good an admission of guilt as I have ever seen.
Take the blinkers off, love, and stop kidding yourself. He is playing away from home. It's not the end of the world - the two of you can probably work things out. If he has sexual dysfunction problems he is doing it to feel better about himself and boost his ego. Try giving him some ego boosters yourself instead of being accusatory.
Try and understand him, but don't let yourself be fooled. Face the truth, and when you know the truth you can deal with anything. But don't let yourself be taken for a fool.

[kick3m0n]

tingly, pay no attention to quizmonkey, his post is unneccessarily cruel and entirely unhelpful.

From a detached point of view, you say you WANT to believe your hubby, but this tells me that you DON'T believe him, much as you'd like to. When you sat down and spoke to him, what was your gut feeling - was he lying? Could you phone this woman again and tell her your husband has confessed and take it from there, depending on her response? Not sure how helpful this would be but at the moment, since your husband is clearly denying anything has gone on, despite all evidence to the contrary, it's hard for you to move on. Of course, it could well be that hubby is telling the truth and that nothing has actually happened between them, but that this woman would like something to happen, hence her oddly cryptic reply which was designed to make you doubt your husband.
wishing you all the best with this problem tingly, it's a horrible one and I really hope you get to the bottom of it, one way or another. tc xxx

[tingly]

Thanks kick, i think i will give her a ring this afternoon. I'm honestly not stupid, but we have been married for 18 years, so its really difficult. Thanks again

[kick3m0n]

let me know how it goes babes. I don't think for a second you are stupid, and unless someone has walked a mile in your shoes, to suggest that you are is just cruel and pointless. tc xxx

[scuzzball]

kick3m0n -stop calling people 'babes' - its the worst thing evre to come out of big brother. thankyou.

[Quizmonkey]

I am neither cruel nor unhelpful - Saanen's post says it all. If all the facts in your question are true I would defy anyone not to come to the obvious conclusions, and it's astonishing how you can persist in remaining so blinkered. Within your "18 years of marriage" has there really been so little communication?

This is a public board. If you don't want people's honest opinions, don't post.

[kick3m0n]

scuzzball, oh dear, sorry, does my use of that word annoy you? Let me apologise unreservedly BABES.
QM - yes, public forum, and so tingly and I are perfectly entitled to say that we think you are cruel. So we have :o) Goes around comes around, eh? If you don't want people's honest opinions, don't post :o)

[Quizmonkey]

kick - when did I say I didn't want your opinions? Of course you're entitled to them, however incorrect, presumptious or shallow they may be. I simply denied two accusations aimed at me.

[mountainboo]

I have been reading these post's with a growing interest. I have to agree with quizmonkey and saanen. I also don't think quizmonkey was being rude or cruel, his/her views were quite rightly being aired.
Also kick3m0n, I think you will find that the majority of people you refer to as 'babes' in a conversation will actually find it quite patronising.

[lady_p_gold]

I think that the fact that the lady said 'ask your husband' is very telling as a previous post has said. I would ask him again and say 'what is the point in lying because if there is something wrong with our marriage we need to address it and this is not fair on me to live in this atmosphere of worry and doubt. You must think to yourself what you will do if he is having an affair with her. First of all does he want to be with her and could you let him go. Secondly if he wants to stay and be forgiven can you live with that ??