My worst nightmare

[SAH]

I'm male and I've worked with a woman who is also my absolute best friend for about 5 years. I've just learn't that I might have to work somewhere else and I'm absolutely devastated.. I haven't got any other friends, as they're all either married or have girlfriends, so I'll be really lost without her around. What am I going to do? How can I get my boss to change his mind without sounding too pathetic?

[SAH]

Thanks for that Tartanwizard! I'll try it and let you know how I get on, though I reckon I'll get a response along the lines of "it's for the needs of the business" or "we don't run a social club"

[treaclefight]

you've nothing to lose by saying you don't want to go for all the good reasons suggested above, if you have to go then welcome the inevitable changes life throws at you, in a years time you may well be thinking it was a really good move, good luck whatever happens and keep us posted :-)

[brawburd]

best friends travel well!

[woodpam]

I sympathise as my best friend at work is leaving. We'll have to make an extra effort to keep in touch and it will be difficult, but worth it.
Perhaps you could present your boss with good business-related reasons as to why it's in his best interest not to move you. I'm sure his agenda should be about what's best for the organisation and it might help. If you have to move, look on it as an opportunity to meet new people and progress in your career and still keep her as a friend. The best of both worlds, in effect.

[woodpam]

BTW (sorry SAH) TWizard, I missed your witty and informed answers recently. It's good to see you back again.

[Lennon]

Hi SAH. Thats a bummer that you might have to move, but as everyone says, it could be a blessing in disguise as we all need a kick up the backside occasionally to do things new. Also, sit down and think of some 'come back' answers in case you do have to have a chat with your boss about you moving - like woodpam says. If he says that its in the interests of the business, then tell him that you are thinking of it that way too (he doesn't need to know that you're not.) Ask him if he's happy with the work you do and tell him that by moving you, you're performance will probably drop for a while as you'll be settling in to new surroundings and that you work better where you are at the moment and with the people who are around you at the moment. Good luck though, hope things go your way! :)

[paulz]

Why not ask her to move with you, or even better move in with you - that's what happened to me ten years ago & I've never regretted it. We have an ace ten year old daughter too! Good Luck SAH & please let us know :+))

[SAH]

Thank you all for your advice, this is strictly a platonic relationship, so I certainly won't be asking her to move in with me! As for moving to a new location with me, it's a no go as she already secured a post on another group - although she'll still be remaining at the same location. The thought of having to work somewhere else away from her feels me with panic, it's a hard feeling to describe. I'll try to appeal to my bosses better nature, but I think I know what the outcome will be.

[paulz]

SAH - can't you get a place in the office she's going to? Your boss doesn't sound like her gives a **** about your feelings, what about her boss? As you think it's a decision your's won't rescind, print this thread off a show it to him, you've nowt to lose. If you do go, make sure you keep in touch with your pal. You say it's platonic, nothing wrong with that, is she single/by herself/in an unhappy relationship? You do sound very close to her, but don't mention how far you've got to move away. I still reckon you'll see lots of each other and maybe if it's more on a social level things between you will take a different twist. What's your pal's opinion on all that's going on? Please let us know how you get on. Thinking of you both good luck ;+)

[SAH]

Paulz - Thanks for that. I asked her about working on her group the other day, she said she'd try and put a good word in for me, but didn't sound too enthusiastic when she said it. I'm beginning to wonder if she still wants me around anymore, maybe she's become bored with my company. I suppose friendships can go stale after 5 years can't they? She's been in what I can best describe as a "rollercoaster" relationship for about 2 years, it's great when things are going well for her, but when they're not, I always seem to get it in the neck, if you know what I mean.

[paulz]

We've got several "close" friends who we don't often see, form [sometimes] 1 year to the next. Doesn't mean we don't like them or are bored with them/they with us. Ask your mate outright, tell her what's bothering you and what you think about your friendship. If the worst comes to the worst, and she says I'm bored etc, then at least you know take it on the chin and move on. It may be she's too scared to say something for fear of upsetting you too. Good luck mate, don't let it get you down, I'm sure it's going to turn out ok one day. Keep in touch ;+)

[paulz]

SAH - a month later, has your nightmare resolved itself?

[SAH]

Paulz - No it's still continuing, as I haven't actually been relocated yet, but it's like being on death row going into work each day not knowing if you're going to be moved. My manager works remotely from me and each day I keep meaning to contact him to maybe appeal to his better nature, but I keep putting it off, thoughI know that deep down he's washed his hands of my situation.

[paulz]

SAH - sorry mate that sounds a real downer, get yourself fired up and give it to him straight. How's your paul coping with all this?

[paulz]

sorry I meant pal {doh!}

[SAH]

Paulz - Thanks for your concern mate. I tried that last week because I couldn't handle all the uncertainty, I guess you could say I forced the issue and unfortunately it backfired on me. He told me that if I didn't move I wouldn't have a job, so I had to move my stuff yesterday and I'm starting work there tomorrow. The place is an absolute tip, it's really cramped and there's no air conditioning, so you can imagine what it's like at the moment. It's a real backward move for me too, compared to the conditions I've been used to working in. My pal told me the other day that "it's happened now and there's nothing I can do about it" which shocked me a bit, she seems indifferent to it all, I can't work out if it's because she really doesn't care and will be glad I'm not around anymore or if it upsets her too much to talk about it so she just puts on this uncaring response.

[paulz]

SAH - sorry to hear that. I think we've all been rooting for a better outcome. Don't want to sound trite, but at least it can't get much worse? Sorry to say this but you now have to put all of that in the past and move on. I'd write a long letter to your pal, tell her exactly everything you feel [ie what you've shared with all of us]. Don't post the letter for a couple of days, but put it away. Then days later re-read it and if it still holds good send it to her and put the ball back in her court. It could be that she doesn't feel as close to you or whatever. That's the only way that I know that you can put the full stop on this long & unhappy chapter in you life. Time to be a � full glass & not a � empty. We're all rooting for you! Good luck