Lied about Cancer

[dennilson]

I have, (or had) a friend, who - approximately two years ago - informed me and all of his other friends that he had stomach cancer. He stated he was receiving radiotherapy at the local cancer Hospital in Manchester every second Saturday for his condition. He is divorced and his ex wife informed us that he was prone to bouts of lies, however I took him at his word and was devastated to find out he was so ill. I then discovered that the Hospital in question dont actually carry out this treatment at weekends and in fact the story had been fabricated. We were totally shocked and bemused, has anyone else ever heard of people doing this, and what do they stand to gain. He has lost the respect and credibility of his once friends who now class him as an attention seeker

[TillyNilly]

Its very sad that your friend had to resort to such a huge lie to gain attention and sympathy...But wasn't informed enough to work out that his lie was fallible....It has all back fired on him really hasn't it...So sad....When if he had been honest and truthful he may have had great support from friends..I had a friend who said he'd won the lottery..the big one!...Again it was to manipulate and control a particular person mainly his ex....but alas it all back fired on him eventually...

[dennilson]

Think you're right Tilly I think these need pity makes you wonder if their problems run deeper than we know, still I am no expert but they should be aware of the fallout they leave. Still as you say it has backfired and will probably stay with them for the rest of their life, thanks for the reply

[TillyNilly]

My 'lottery winning' friend has moved on and is in a new relationship and very happy, so maybe it will all work out in the end for your friend....Early days yet.....I think we can all get 'desperate' when a relationship ends but I suppose its how we deal with that loss that can be so different and depends on our coping mechanisms....I'm sure you were just a pawn in your friends efforts to get his ex back!

[wazzaa]

poor man, he can't help wanting attention, it stems back to childhood and is part of his personality which can't be changed. The best thing 4 him would have been to approach one of the group and explain the situation. Being a 'man' isn't conducive to bearing his soul like a woman would. So, I think this man needs patience and understanding, not ostracizing. Have a heart.
Caz X

[TillyNilly]

Hi wazzaaa...I totally agree..but whos ostrinizing?..I thought dennilson and I were being VERY understanding...

[dennilson]

Great answers, think your right when you say it probably does stem back to childhood, suppose its better to look at the bigger picture, as Tilly said initially I was furious and bemused but now that I am considering the wider picture you can understand what has happened. Unfortunately the rest of his / our friends have turned their back and regard him as a crank, you reep what you sew

[TillyNilly]

dennilson...too right...You do reap what you sew...
I understand friends giving up on him though because he has deceived you lot aswell...but it does show he hasn't gained the skills to deal with his situation as an adult...I suppose its up to you if you can get over this and patch your friendship..

[dennilson]

I think you are right Tilly, but do you see the problems you could encounter the next time he confides even the slightest problem. Very difficult he is obviously severely emotionally unstable. Dont know the answer

[TillyNilly]

Maybe when he has had time to heal from this break-up...He will be more stable...I don't think your friendship will ever be the same though but maybe you can accept that he's like that and get on with it...At the end of the day it is up to you whether you want to bother with him or not...

[WendyS]

This does rather sound as if he's desperate for attention and fussing which may stem back to his childhood. . Possibly his divorce has left him feeling very low and vulnerable and maybe he just couldn't pluck up the courage to be honest with others about how he was feeling. However, this is a particularly cruel deception to pull on his friends. Hopefully the effect it has had on his friendship may now cause him to re-evaluate the way he behaves and to ask himself why he needs to adopt such extreme measures to gain attention. The sad thing is that once you lose your credibility with others in such an extreme measure, there is often little that can be done to rebuild trust.

[TillyNilly]

Wendys......I think it could have been attention seeking....or an attempt to control and manipulate everyone particulaly his ex...I dunno...