Damaged goods ????

[legend760]

following on from shadowmans post on single bmothers.
as a guy , or a woman .
do you see single mums as damaged goods?
or single fathers as damaged goods?
or are you rare amongst people and judge on meeting folk rather than prejudging and then sticking to your preconceived ideas no matter what ?

or are you neither of these?

[legend760]

can you gimme an answer plz capn kirk ??


she canny tak anymore capn.

its the dilithium crystals.

[Pippa68]

I don't know where this 'damaged goods' idea comes from. OK, I can see the primal theory in that you want a mate who will only pro create with you. But really?

I would never judge a person simply for having had a life before me. Especially if you are in your 30's..what else is there? that sounds bad, but what I mean is where is the harm in bringing someone into your life who can enrich yours with their experience?

[legend760]

im not saying it myself.

its a term used by older folk.

i wondered if it crossed over to younger folk?

though im sure some guys would consider an early twenties woman of their age with a few kids , either damaged goods or too much bother with the baggage.

[Pippa68]

Oh yes, I didn't mean to imply that it was you saying it legend.

I would say that there would be equal amounts one way or the other. Some would say that younger folk are more likely to see partners with kids as damaged goods, however I have seen (and met) many younger people who do not go along with that idea at all.

One thing is for sure if you haven't met your life partner by a certain age you will either have to change your mind or grow old lonely!

[Goodsoulette]

I would gladly become stepmum and love someone else's children but then I have a nurturing instinct.

I on the other hand look at myself as damaged goods. Cant really see what I can offer someone as a single mum. I dated one guy and got on very well, I have never let a date meet my children as I havent got to that place but I am sure me being a mum scared the pants off him (not literally :S).

On the other hand someone else has repeated asked me if we could ever have a proper relationship but my response is always I don't know what I can offer you. Its very scarey thinking about how a potential partner will be with your children.

I know a girl up the street who has a different bloke in her house, almost living there every two weeks. Its only a matter of time before she picks up someone who isnt after her but after one of her kids.

[legend760]

somke mothers introduce new guys very quickly.

in the past i took a short time to introduce a partner to my daughters.
though they lived with their mother who was very hostile towards me and any partners,though she was remarried.

over the years my daughters grew very distant to the extent they wouldnt go against their mother to see me.
people told me theyd come round.
sadly those people were sadly misguided.
now at 16 and 18 they have no need for me.

my exwife wasnt damaged goods but by excluding me i was neither damaged or perfect.

left in limbo.

i was damaged but on the inside.

women can be very cruel , as can men.

perhaps were all damaged in our own way ???

[cazzz1975]

I dont see anyone as damaged goods, maybe some people find it hard to accept that they have had a life before?

maybe its the fear of the baggage? (ex husband/wife, dealing with kids )

I have a fairly open mind, I am full of admiration for single parents both male and female

[Goodsoulette]

Anyman who would take on my nutjob of an ex is a saint!

[johnlambert]

Why was she hostile?

[cazzz1975]

they are still young legend, dont close the door of opportunity, my partner tracked down his dad at 45 (his dad was in his 60s and hadnt seen him since he was 5)

although you may not think it they probably will always think of you, they need to grow up first and sort out their heads!

[legend760]

i have accepted it cazz.
ther ball is entirely in their court.
their mother still wont even talk to me , though she fooked off to marry her supervisor.

makes you think she mustve been good at her job lol.

it never stopped me from meeting other women .
but i have heard folk refer to menm or women as damaged goods on many occassions.

[cazzz1975]

I hear the phrase mainly used by younger 18-30 age range single people both male and female.

or on occasion the more immature adult over 30, more often always single and find it difficult to comprehend the complexity of being in a relationship with someone who has kids, also that they would feel that they have to vye for attention with the kids

[witchone]

i hope i aint damaged goods, yes i am a single mum of 3, whose husband was removed from my home for attacking me infront of our children.
I dont think i am damaged goods, i however may class him(my husband) as damaged as he has never seen or paid a penny towards them in 3 years, i have the day to day control and committment towards them.
If that makes me damaged then alot of people have the wrong opinion. Its easy to clump single parents in a single pigeon hole, but many people have reasons for being a single parent.
Mine was get him removed or i would end up being seriously hurt, in full view of my children. I choose the path right for me and the children.

[legend760]

others may consider you damaged ?

[joko]

i don't really think ''damaged goods'' is the correct phrase here... it implies there is something wrong with you or you have had great sorrow or trauma in your life and that you arre miserable...
i would say its more ''unwanted baggage''
which implies that the problem or issue lies with person without kids...
it is them that has to deside if they are preapared to 'pack more luggage into their life' - it could be the best thing they ever did and make them happier than ever, then again it may not - to imply its automatically a bad thing is unfair.

[pastafreak]

Life is too short to judge and lable people...so,some of us are on our own, and are single parents ....tis just part of our history-the lessons that make us who we are. AS for your daughters legend...they are still young-make sure you keep contact with them and hopefully it will be mutual one day.

[Smurf Queen]

witchone - no one would look at you any the less for leaving in those circumstances

however the very fact that you brought up your past and then justified your actions suggests you might have some of the baggage that legend760 bluntly refered to