My boyfriend has left me for a yukka.

[coggles]

i've been thinking something must be up for a while now, as he has always talked more to the yukka than he does to me, but i have now found out he is sending really rude txt messages to it and he has started calling it babe and i just don't know what to do, shall i just chuck the yukka or ditch them both?

[Jenny Tools]

I would advise a trip to your doctors first. Have yourself tested for YTD, if he has been having sexual relations with this thing, tha last thing you need is a case of yucca transmitted disease. I believe the symptoms begins as tiny blisters. These blisters eventually burst to reveal small wet patches of red skin that may weep fluid. Gradually, a tan or yellowish-brown crust covers the affected area, making it look like it has been coated with honey or brown sugar.

[coggles]

OMG! i've been wondering what those were. What shall i do?

[Jenny Tools]

What ever you do dont pick at them, although they may look like they are coated with honey or brown sugar. they are not very, very tasty, tasty.

[Today's]

How many foreign countrys did your boyfriend visit last year ?

[coggles]

Too late i'm afraid, i have already eaten one of the scabs and it tasted horrible, nothing like my acne scabs. He did go to the Isla White a few months ago and now you mention it, he didn't call me much at all and when i did finally get him on his mobile the first thing he asked was 'how's babe' and when i said i was missing him he said, no, i mean how is my yukka. i know i said he has left me and then i asked if i should kick him out, but, what i mean is, he still lives here but isn't 'with me' if you know what i mean. Except when he gets his giro and we have a few vodka redbulls and whatever.

[Jenny Tools]

Sorry coggles, this is not looking good. What is the average height of the yucca and is it blonde by any chance ? Does it wear cheap bling and a baseball cap.

[coggles]

Well, when it is upright in it's pot, it is about this high, but when it has been knocked over it isn't so high. It is mainly green but has a few brown leaves on it and some brown leaves in the pot as well. We put some tinsel on it a couple of chrismasses ago and and there is some left on it, but not much and my sort of ex boyfriend does put his kappa baseball cap on the top when he gets in from the pub.

[DuzyEverwork]

You are seriously in trouble here Coggles, I expect all that booze your bf bought from the duty free on the Isla White ferry has seriously damaged what few brain cells he had. Jenny Tools has already warned you of some of the dangers in your situation but beware cos the side effects are dire and you could get a nasty outbreak of Statistix.. they crop up everywhere and there is normally no known answer to this problem. I suggest you dump the guy and rip all the remaining leaves off the yucca, cut it off at soil height and send it to Ann Summers to get batteries fitted, she might not put them in the middle but might put them in your end though. :o)) Trudi

[coggles]

Maybe that's what the problem is. My boyfriend plays with his Statistix all the time, when he isn't talking to Babe, erm, the yukka. That Ann Summers is a nice lady, i went to one of her parties and we had to close our eyes and tear the shape of a thingy and coz i did mine the best i won a thong and it was great. Well, until i washed it, anyways. Will she put the batteries in the yukka or me? And if in the yukka, what end?

[coggles]

I meant that we had to tear the shape of a thingy out of a piece of paper, not the yukka, though i spose i should tear up the yukka.

[Tat]

it may not be a YTD you've got... it could be impetigogo.

[coggles]

But Tat, i haven't been bitten by a spider.

[Jenny Tools]

But have you been near that Mr Winner.

[woofgang]

I read about this on the "Trisha talks to michael Aspel's children" website. apparently it has increased the market share of healthy sandwiches due to people not wanting to catch dutch yucca disease.

[Jenny Tools]

Ohhh coggles, fink I can see the rub here, yur geezer aint as cool as e finks e is, I mean Kappa is sooooo last year and he takes if OFF in doors ..... Jeez wot a toser !!!

I bet the bandit even sobber too haa. Look darling come round here and check out a bloke with real stats

[Jenny Tools]

COGGLES have you been txt'ing my man or his someone trying to wind me up !

[TommyC]

You are not obliged to say anything, but anything you do say wil be taken as evidence that I was right to apply for an immediate Sectioning Order for all contributors to this thread. And the Yukka advises me it's taking legal advice.

[DuzyEverwork]

Coggles, a word to the wise as things seem to be heating up and from the above posting it seems Babe has take legal advice. Do not, I implore you visit that Jenny under any circumstances, it seems she is trying to lure you with a promist af a man with real stats but be warned she comes from a very dodgy household where all is not as it seems, they wear masks and fancy dress and brandish weapons at the unsuspecting. I believe also she may be trying to lure you there to relieve you of your yukka as she only has a small one of her own. Ditch the guy, the cure is worse than the disease! You have been warned! :o))

[darth vader]

coggles, assuming your boyfriend is person A and the yukka is person B then i would say there are thousands of other plants in the sea so go find Mr C by striking up a conversation with a silver birch or a nice rhodododododendrodenrururmrurmdrmum bush. ps Yukka chucking is bad for the back

[darth vader]

...but don't look for them in the sea. that's a silly thing to do as they can't swim