becoming a legal guardian and or adopting a child

[ladylei1988]

I have a good friend who has a 8 month old son who means the world to me, she was a great single mother at first and now is heading down hill. she and her girlfriend have decided to move to a very high trouble area out of state and she has decided to leave her child for good and to leave him in the custody of his father who is in and out of jail and rehab for drug use and has no reason in his eyes to stop his ways of thinking and living. when the mother wants to party with friends for the weekend or go out of town just to get a break from her son she leaves him with his father. on several ocations when she left him to "get a break" and he was with his father, and the mother came to get him he was very under fed and never wached or had his clothes changed and even his diaper was the same one he had been left in from the first day, and he had a horrible rash and bleeding and just was in a horrible place..when i found out that the mother was moving and decided to leave her son with the father perminately i was disgusted and harrified for this baby and his well beeing...sadly neither one of the parrents want to give this child the things that he need and the care that he needs in his life so i mentioned that i would take legal guardianship of him and possibly adopt him but i have a lot of questions about this, i know for a fact that i will be able to provide for this child and give him the love and care that any child deserves in their lifes....any helpful input would be greatly apperciated!

Thanks again!~
Ashley

[pinktwink]

firstly this needs to be done legally to ensure the rights and protection of the child, his parents and you. Depending on whether both parents have parental responsibility it will need to involve the consent of both. Any perspective adoptive parent/(s) require an assessment of thir situation and parenting capacity and in this instance would be beneficial to ensure the best for the child. Access and contact issues would need to be addressed , not only parental but also the childs extended family. Are their relatives that would be in a position to care full time for this child. Generally it is in the best interest of all children to grow up within their own family where possible

[annie0000]

I am guessing by your use of "out of state", that you are in the USA. This is mainly a UK website, so you may find that people here are not familiar with US or local state laws regarding child adoption. That situation sounds tragic, and if you are able to help I would say go for it. Are either parent likely to care where the boys is? Personally I would say posession is 9 tenths of the law and if they are happy for to have him, then give him a good home and this would surely go in your favour when you start to go through the legal process.

I can only suggest google for some local info.

[ladylei1988]

The father has no legal rights to have him as of right now and has stated to many that he is a "pain in the ass" and doesnt like having him around because it cuts into his time...and the mother as i had said doesnt want him anymore so neither parrents want him around unless it gives them a way to buy their addictions....

[pinktwink]

where are you living as said above different laws have different legislation.

A lot deoends on your circumstances and age if your user name indicates your age you would be 21 and it is a huge responsibility to take on someine elses child.

Equally if you have serious concerns about this babys welfare report it to social services indicating your availabilityt o care for him

[annie0000]

Poor little sod - makes your heart bleed doesn't it. Hope you can manage to sort something out for him.

[jedimistress]

Do you have an equivalent of the NSPCC in the US? I have found them tobe helpful. Else you can ask the police to do a welfare check when you think things ar amiss or approach the social services.

[Bettyboo22]

I think that if you speak to the parents and they say that they are willing to sign the child over to you. You could all go into a lawers office sign the papers and that would be it.

If you adopt the child then he becomes your child and you will be his mummy ( or mommy). He will not be able to have any contact with his parents until he is 18

If you become his legal gardian then you will have to speak to social sevicies.

Hope this helps :-)

[pinktwink]

you will also need to think about how this is explained to the child given they alreafy know their parents. You can opt for an open adoption which means the parents can have limited contact letters and photos. This is often bettter for children in the long run

[ladylei1988]

I thought about going to social services and reporting both parrents but i know how that effects 99 percent of every child that gets shiped around by the state...im trying to get both parrents to just give me legal guardianship over him that way if they want to see him they can but i am the sole provider and caregiver to the child..i just cant stand seeing a childs life just pushed off to another bad home...sadly this is how the parents were raised and they think its ok for him to be raised that way to even though they hated every minuet of it as well.
i am 21 years old and i do understand how much of a responsability it will be for me and believe me i have taken all of that into concideration!!

[Bettyboo22]

I would speak to the parents

That is alot of responsability for a 21 year old - no more wild parties :-).

What do your parents think ?

[ladylei1988]

Im not a normal 21 year old i guess, only been to 2 parties since ive been 21 lol and not all that wild....my parrents are all for it allong with the rest of my siblings and grandparrents and aunts/uncles they understand the situation and are there 100 percent of the way...and i have everything in line to where if i do get guardianship of him then i will have a room fully equiped with everythig a little boy would need!

See i was homeschooled since second grde by my mother who was a teacher, simply because the school me and my siblings went to was not in a great area so they took it appon themselfs to teach us! anyway when i got old enough to take care of myself my mother went back to work full time allong with my father so i was left there to take care of the house and brother and sister while they were working so i have always been at a higher maturity level than the kids my age for a while now so i have the mindset of probably a 25to 30 year old grown person... so i have put all the pro and cons on a sheet to weigh them out and make my move...and so now all i can do is wait for the parrents to make their minds up on what they are going to do.

[newtron]

I say go for it. If you are in the position to help this child, then do it! My wife and I have "permanent custody" of my wife's great nieces. This designation is a little scary, as the parental rights have not been severed. So, the parent's might very well try to get them back some time in the future. Supposedly, it will be very difficult for them to get their kids back, but you never know. I truly wish that we were in a position where we could just adopt them with the parents' consent, but that will never happen. Trying to go through the courts to force the adoption against the parents wishes is sure to be an expensive and messy endeavor. Right now we cannot afford it, but we will try when we have the resources.

[newtron]

Continued...
The good thing about our position is that because the children were taken away by the state, there is no formal agreement that the parents will have anything to do with their children. That is completely up to us. Right now, we do not communicate with the parents. Maybe when the children get older and express interest in seeing their parents, we will think about it, but not right now. My brother and his wife were in a similar situation, where they had partial guardianship of a young girl, except the state did not take the child away. There was an agreement between my brother, his wife and the mother through the court system that the mother had the right to spend a certain amount of time with her daughter. Well this turned out to be an extremely bad situation that ultimately ended in my brother and his wife having to necessarily cut their ties with both the mother and the little girl and threw my brother into a deep depression that I think had something to do with his early death (yes, the situation was that bad).

So, if you can adopt the child with the parents consent, that would be the best option. If you do adopt, you can still let the parents have contact with their child or not at your discretion. Seriously, beware of any official agreements giving the parents a right to see their child. People that lead the type of lifestyle that you describe above are unpredictable and the situation can turn really ugly very fast.

Let me know if you have any specific questions. The laws about adoption are different for each state.

Good luck!!

[newtron]

Also, because the child is so young, there should be minimal issues resulting from switching parents. Our girls were 1.5 and 3 yrs old when we got them. The 3 yr old remembers her parents and does have some anger issues. I think she will be fine after living in a more stable environment for a few more years. The 1.5 yr old is doing fine. She is a happy well adjusted little girl!