Children

[FP]

What are the funniest things your little ones have ever said or done?

[booksworth]

In a small cinema, watching Mary Poppins, during a brief lull in the soundtrack, and very clearly: "Do you have to pay to get out?"

[Bangkok]

My friends 5 year old daughter is half Thai half British, and her (Brit) daddy was trying to talk Thai.  Daughter said 'Daddy, don't try to talk Thai, it is too difficult for you', before carrying on bi-lingually

[FP]

My son asked me how babies got into mummies' tummies.  He was only four so I gave him a straightforward honest answer about daddies willies and mummies special hole and special loving 'cuddles'.  Short silence followed by  'I was looking forward to being a man and now I've changed my mind'

 

He's grown up now and he's changed his mind back again!

[enigma]

I remember when my eldest daughter was about four , we were sitting on a bus chatting away when an elderly lady came on with her pet cat in a little pet carrier. Within minutes , my daughter and I both noticed an awful pong - which quite clearly was coming from the seat in front of us. (I'm giving the old lady the benefit of the doubt that it was the cat who had fouled it's basket and not her herself !) My daughter turned to me and said mum - which given her history of cutting straight to the chase in a foghorn voice - I quickly interrupted her to keep her talking about anything in general. On she went though , mum , mum until finally she shouted out at the top of her voice "But mum , I have to ask you .... have you pooed yourself ?" You could have heard a pin drop on the bus and the worst thing was , the old lady turned round to look at me quite indignantly as if I HAD ! Even when I tried to protest to my daughter that I hadn't , she kept on saying "Are you sure mum ? Well what's that funny smell ?" Oh the shame ! In April this year as well , we took her to the 'Big In Falkirk' event and they had the fairground there. She loves taking a shot of the hook the duck and looking proudly at her big cuddly toy which she won , she shouted out "Mum , dad - look what I won. I just love hooking it and i'm a great hooker eh ?" We were left coughing and spluttering !!! Sadly she gets that from me - I'm constantly putting my foot in it and i'm the queen of Double Entendre.

[Kay]

I was on a bus with my grandson aged 5, two elderly ladies got on and one had a very hairy upper lip,my grandson asked loudly " Nan why has that man got a dress on" I almost curled up!

[Clanad]

At about age 6, my oldest daughter climbed on my lap one evening and stated that she was "invincible".  I told her that was a beg word for such alittle girl and asked here is she knew what it meant.  She said "sure, it means you can't see me"... 

[kookiandmojo]

my nephew of 5 insisted that worms turn into butterflies,

and when my sister (which is his mum) was little she had a speach impedament, we lived by a field with two horses one called domino and the other venus but my sister would shout - 'PENIS!!!'

[andy hughes]

My eldest daughter came home from school with a Nativity picture of Mary, Joseph and Jesus, and a large rotund individual in the foreground. When asked who he was, she said, with the patience reserved for imbiciles that is the hallmark of the six year old mind "That's Round John Virgin!"

My youngest daughter and I were on a bus to nursery when she was three, and an elderly black gentleman got on and sat near to us. Studying the gentleman for some time, my daughter, who had never seen a black man, advised me, him, and the entire bus, that "That man's got black skin!" "I know," I said quietly, hoping she'd take the hint, "He's a black man." My quiet voice must have worked, because after a few more minutes of intense scrutiny, my daughter confirmed the further observation, with a stage whisper the whole bus could hewar, "He's got black ears!" The gentleman was gracious enough to smile, I could have slid under the bus doors without opening them! 

[Jules001]

a friend of mine's little girl was shopping with them the other day when they passed a Big Issue seller. The little girl asked "what size?" when the parents (slightly confused) questioned her she replied "he said he wanted a bigger shoe" - suppose you had to be there although I thought it was funny!

[kags]

I have laughed out loud at all of these. Good job I have a sense of humour as we have just got in from a meal at a restaurant during which my son asked very very loudly "what's an orgasm". Turns out he was reading the cocktail menu. I'm laughing now but I nearly died in the restaurant!

[stoo_pid]

you should have told him to ask his father Kags ; - )

[kags]

now why didn't I think of that???

[Greedyfly]

My sister always used to ask that if her belly button was a button then why couldnt she open it - and she would try for hours!

[ulaboola]

My little brother of two was sitting at the table, straining (whilst trying to do his business in the nappie) I asked if he was ok, to which he replied "It is too big for my bum!"

 

[Emma G 1650]

When my daughter was about four she used to love watching Ready Steady Cook, one day when we were out shopping we stopped for a rest on a bench and she saw a group of black guys walking towards us, she suddenly piped up "Look mummy there's Ainsley!" i could have died!

[Emma G 1650]

My daughter had just started school and one day came home to tell me somebody had said a naughty word to her, i asked her what did the word begin with, she said "****!"

[PurplePixie]

At a 40th Anniversary party I was sitting around the table with the family (some quite posh) & a bottle of 40 year old brandy was presented to the host. He poured out a small glass & it was passed around for everyone to have a bit of a taste. Everyone had a little & each made some sort of comment on how delicious this 'sacred' brandy tasted...when it was passed to 5 year old Emily, who dipped her finger into it,wrinkled up her nose & said "Urrrrr...THAT'S MINGING".

Cringe.....

[beweypm]

My 3 yr old daughetr freaked me out today - she stood in front of me, went rigid then started to wobble.  I thought she was having some sort of seizure - turns out she was being a jelly!

[dinsdale]

3 year old daughter Sophie during a power cut:-

If there is no electric, how are the windmills over there turning dad?"

[Yinzer]

Oh my, I have a lone tear forming in my eye from laughter! Thanks for cheering me up guys.