Marriage invitation dilemma

[Dom Tuk]

A close friend from Uni (15 years ago and we keep in touch for childrens birthdays/christmas etc) has invited us to his second marraige. He left his wife and 2 children and got back with his girlfriend from Uni (theirs was an obsessive kind of relationship all those years ago and broke up constantly so we never knew in Uni when they were an item and when not). I really want to tell him that leaving his wife and kids for his ex was a shameful thing to do and i want to play no part in his forthcoming marriage and as far as i am concerned he and his girlfriend can go and take a flying jump. But now with the invitation in front of me i cannot find the courage to do it. Should i just decline to go and forget about making a point

[woofgang]

Difficult one. I would be inclined to send formal (very) regrets and just not go. Unless you are one of the two (3?) people involved in the break up, you are most unlikely to know all the facts and sometimes not even then.

[IndieSinger]

Swallow it and decline gracefully. It's his wedding.

[LordyGeordie]

you yourself have admitted that you only keep in contact with your friend for children's birthdays etc. it's unlikely therefore that you know excactly what happened to break up his marriage. to make that judgement that your friend was wrong would be unfair and ill-judged. to tell him so at best you could be accused of sticking your nose in where its not wanted, at worst you risk abandoning a friend who wants your help.

it's always bad when marriages split, especially when kids are involved, but if the couple aren't happy together it can often be worse if they try and stay together.

your friend has gone back to his old girlfriend. if he's happy let him get on with it, he is your friend after all. if you really can't face going to the wedding just make up some excuse and don't go. he's trying to make a new life for himself, don't ruin it before it's begun.

you say his relationship with his girlfriend was stormy 15 years ago. well that was 15 years ago. things change. the fact that they're getting married would indicate they're prpared to make some sort of commitment.

if it does go wrong well just make sure you're there to pick up the pieces

[andy hughes]

Agree entirely with the previous responses - although it's tempting to put your 10p worth in, it isn't asked for, and even less likely to be accepted.

If you don;t want to attend the wedding, send a formal regret, and carry on as before, and if your friend needs you, and you want to be there, then all doors are still open.

[purplefish]

i would decline the invitation, if the friend asks why, you could then tell him how you feel.

[Artemis]

I agree with all the above answers.

[Dark Angel]

If I were you, I'd make an excuse and not attend the wedding. Agree with purplefish - its not like you can tell your friend what he is to do in his personal life, but you can explain, if he asks, that you cannot accept what he did.

[kick3m0n]

from the content of your post you're clearly not very friendly towards this person at all, so I don't see the dliemma in turning it down and leaving it at that.  Quite why you want to butt in is beyond me, it has nothing to do with you.  If you were truly a friend, he would have discussed this matter at length with you (esp since you knew them both at Uni) and you could have offered your opinion then. 

[joko]

You have no point to make.

How dare you judge this man when you obviously know very little about the situation.

The marriage could have been over and miserable for a long time and meeting up with his old flame may have made this clear to him and given him the courage to leave, to follow his heart and be with what may be the love of his life.

You used the word 'shameful' and that makes me think that perhaps you are religious person?

If so, your judgement is even worse

Why should a person spend the rest of his life in misery if they don't want to? If he is not religious then he won't care about the religious aspect, but I doubt he has gone into this lightly.

You only get one life and you have the right to be happy. Children don't want a life of unhappy, rowing parents. This will only make them unhappy too.

You should go to the wedding, keep your mouth shut and be happy that your friend has found happiness.

that is what a real friend would do