so sad ;-(

[lotsafun]

a neighbour and a really good friend of mine is going through a really hard time lately, she was admitted into hospital last Friday as a result of the troubles too. I never knew the extend of them until i went to visit her to ask why but Basically she tried to commit suicide, she admits it was a moment of madness and is getting help now but still it was a shock. The reason.......debt! She's been struggling to make ends meet for over a year now, she was made redundant and has had no luck finding another job, when she did find one she couldn't get her child into childcare, her husband left her a there 3 kids for a slapper down the road 6 months ago and doesn't pay maintanence or see them. She has admittedly been burying her head in the sand as far as her debts have been concerned, she hasn't been opening her mail, answering calls because she was so sick of the demands and threats and has been living on her nerves. She tried to get help when she lost her job over a year ago by calling one of these debt managment companies but was told they couldn't help her as she ''wasn't in enough debt'' believe it not???? and things have spiraled out of control, she felt she had no way out. I broke my heart when i saw her mother today when she said she found out that my friend has been going without food because she felt guilty eating, that she felt she was taking food out of the kids mouths. I feel so sad about it all because i wish she had just said something. I knew it was hard on her being a single parent so i would often sort out my kids clothes and pass them down to her and invite them all round for tea now and again. She always put on such a happy front, none of us had any idea she was feeling so low, not even her own mother, this has come as such a shock. Her mother has opened some of her mail and is contacting some of her creditors to let them know the situation but some of them dont give a toss, they want there money and thats that, cont on next page

[lotsafun]

some have been quite rude and obnoxious and its no wonder my friend has felt the way she has.

[NoMercy]

First thing she needs to do is get onto the CSA about her pondlife of an estranged husband.

[TheOtherHalf]

Its is very sad. No one be judgemental of others as no one knows what goes on behind closed doors I always say.
Hope she is ok

[ttfn]

The Citizens Advice Bureau give excellent advice on debt handling and how to ward off the creditors. You must feel awful about your friend - goodness knows how her mum is coping either. At least help is there for the asking - I wish her well.

[lotsafun]

shes been trying for maintenance since the day he left them but has had no joy from the CSA or solisitor as he is claiming to be out of work, yet i often see him driving around in a swanky car and wearing work clothes, oh and hes often seen going into the local for ''one''! It totally p******s me off that people like this get away with this kind of thing all the time, and good honest people suffer, evenmoreso the kids suffer!

[Old_Geezer]

You may like to consider posting this in the legal forum. A husband who doesn't pay maintenance ? Must be able to do something about that.

Burying her head is understandable. One can get to a stage where it is all just too much. You need someone to help take the burden off. But she needs to know she has to kick something off to climb back out.

As some have mentioned, CAB is a good place to start.

[NoMercy]

Well then perhaps someone needs to photograph him arriving at work on a daily basis...

[sidkid]

The Consumer Credit Counselling Service (CCCS) come highly recommended. They offer a FREE service. Beware of the many Debt Agencies who charge for the same kind of service!! Your local CAB will probably recommend the CCCS as well,,,,

[NOX]

Don't bother with the CSA for now it'll just upset and frustrate her more as sadly if someone knows how to play them they do very little. Concentrate on getting her debt free as soon as possible and stabilised in the way she feels. There are things that she can do to empower herself. Firsty prioritise debt in order of what is most important (keeping a roof over her head etc) and see what the exact extent is. Then get advice on bankruptcy which could very well be her best way out, but not necessarily. Thirdly make sure she is getting any and all benefits she's entitled to and fourthly try to address the childcare issues. It's most important that she gets some help with her stress and depression as that can bring a very strong and level person to their knees in a very short time indeed. Fifthly think about earning potential she can do without childcare ( there is a surprising amount) but she does need to be strong enough to think outside the box and that might take a while. Forming a working mothers collective might be of help, I know a few ladies who have done that who have had childcare issues, but above all remind her that she has nothing to be ashamed of and no need to feel guilty. I'm really so sorry for her.

[lotsafun]

hi everyone, thanks for the messages. Ali came out today and has been put on medication and a waiting list for some counselling and in the meantime we have a appointment for her to see the local CAB this friday. Its hard seeing her so fragile but she does seem to be accepting it all now and talking more about it. xxx

[albaqwerty]

I'm glad your friend is out of hospital and an appointment has been made for the CAB.

Please let her talk without any interruptions, (I'm no way medically qualified) but talking can be a great place for her to start and to prevent any bottling up.