ChatterBank3 mins ago
not sure why ex's life is having an effect on me??
5 Answers
you may have seen on my posts that i have ups and downs with and about my ex. andy has given me very good advice in the past as well as other good peeps on here.
The prob at the moment is my ex split up with his gf around a month ago(the girl he cheated on me with and left me for) this is the 2nd time they've split up and they got quite vocal on facebook this time which i must admit i enjoyed reading and it even sounded like she'd cheated on him which gave me a great feeling that karma had come round.
I feel much more over our whole split,being cheated on and lied to etc when i think they are finished like a line is drawn under it but then i hear they are back together and i feel gutted.
i don't know why this all has an effect on me and i so wish it didn't. i don't want my ex's actions to be able to affect how i'm feeling but i do know that i feel much more settled when i think they are no longer together.
and I 100% don't want to be back with my ex.I couldn't think of anything worse so that's not a factor.
so can anyone help me understand why this effects me like this and anyway that i can get it to stop.
He is no longer on my facebook which will make a difference i'm sure as i will be less likely to know what is going on with him. he unfriended me which i'm quite pleased about as i've been wanting to do it myself. any advice gratefully received.
The prob at the moment is my ex split up with his gf around a month ago(the girl he cheated on me with and left me for) this is the 2nd time they've split up and they got quite vocal on facebook this time which i must admit i enjoyed reading and it even sounded like she'd cheated on him which gave me a great feeling that karma had come round.
I feel much more over our whole split,being cheated on and lied to etc when i think they are finished like a line is drawn under it but then i hear they are back together and i feel gutted.
i don't know why this all has an effect on me and i so wish it didn't. i don't want my ex's actions to be able to affect how i'm feeling but i do know that i feel much more settled when i think they are no longer together.
and I 100% don't want to be back with my ex.I couldn't think of anything worse so that's not a factor.
so can anyone help me understand why this effects me like this and anyway that i can get it to stop.
He is no longer on my facebook which will make a difference i'm sure as i will be less likely to know what is going on with him. he unfriended me which i'm quite pleased about as i've been wanting to do it myself. any advice gratefully received.
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The reason its having this effect on you is because your letting it.. and by reading his facebook etc is fueling the effect.. Get over him and get on with your life. Don't ask anyone anything about him..why should you care about him, when he obviously doesn't care about you,because if he did he wouldn't have cheated on you would he..
Human nature makes us inflict discomfort on ourselves.
In the same way that your tongue prods a dental cavity even though you know it hurts, so we allow ourselves to scratch open the itches of healing wounds - so don't beat yourself up over it.
That said, it is not good for you, and you need to try and remove all the temptations if you can - staying away from any Facebook entries that may give you info. is a good move.
Of course its tempting to know that the relationship he ditched you for is in trouble - you would not be human if you didn't take some pleasure in that, but ultimately, this is not helping you to get past this difficult time.
Make sure your time is filled as productively as posible - time with friends fills the gap you have left, and you will get past this, and it will take some time, but you can help the healing process by keeping your emotional tongue out of the painful cavity, which takes discipline, but pays off in the long run.
Getting over someone who has cheated on you takes time - rebuilding your battered self-confidence is a painful process, but you are getting there. Stay strong.
In the same way that your tongue prods a dental cavity even though you know it hurts, so we allow ourselves to scratch open the itches of healing wounds - so don't beat yourself up over it.
That said, it is not good for you, and you need to try and remove all the temptations if you can - staying away from any Facebook entries that may give you info. is a good move.
Of course its tempting to know that the relationship he ditched you for is in trouble - you would not be human if you didn't take some pleasure in that, but ultimately, this is not helping you to get past this difficult time.
Make sure your time is filled as productively as posible - time with friends fills the gap you have left, and you will get past this, and it will take some time, but you can help the healing process by keeping your emotional tongue out of the painful cavity, which takes discipline, but pays off in the long run.
Getting over someone who has cheated on you takes time - rebuilding your battered self-confidence is a painful process, but you are getting there. Stay strong.
Thankyou. you're all right. i've never been one to hold a grudge and to get hung up on something and was always the 1st to say to other people that if you can't change things there's no point dwelling on it.
time to take that advice myself now i think. this has been a very hard thing for me to come to terms with but I need to put it behind me now i think.
time to take that advice myself now i think. this has been a very hard thing for me to come to terms with but I need to put it behind me now i think.
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