Men working in Pre-schools

[mountainboo]

I have come up against a rather contentious issue. Our nearly four year old son attends a pre-school which he has become very settled in and one that we are happy with. One afternoon when I collected my son I had noticed there was a chap working there. When my husband found out he was furious and told the owner of the pre-school that under no circumstances would our son be attending if there was a male member of staff present (He has no problem with male teachers by the way).

Out of consideration the owner has notified us of days when the male member of staff will be present in January. My husband has excluded our son on those days. He personally believes that no men should be working in that type of environment. His reasons are legitimate, however I am finding it extremely difficult to support him and think he is wildly overreacting. I disagree with his theory. The fact is that this particular school is one large room with absolutely nowhere for anyone to hide. I have tried explaining this to my husband but he refuses to budge.

He believes that I do not have our son's best interests at heart by arguing the case. I am honestly not worried about this chap. This is our son's second pre-school as the in the first he was being bullied by some older children. This is the first place I have felt entirely happy with and he has made friends. To add to this, the primary school that is attached to his pre-school is my first choice for him to attend from September.

I had planned to increase his hours from February in order to prepare him for September but this chap may well be permanently relocated to our son's school in which case I would have to drastically reduce his time there!!

I just wondered, am I in the wrong for contesting my husband's wishes? TIA

[Ankou]

"His reasons are legitimate"

really? what are his reasons?

[EvianBaby]

In my opinion your husband is being a complete tool. You haven't given the reasons although I think we can guess. He is basically teaching your son that all males are predatory paedophiles.

It's really sad that your husband has that attitude.

[mountainboo]

I can't really go into that Ankou, lets just say my husband trusts no one, particularly men.

[cazzz1975]

its unfair to assume that all male teachers are dodgy, what happens if there are male teachers in primary school?

there are definitely a lot on secondary. your husband is an idiot.

[Teddy_boy]

"He personally believes that no men should be working in that type of environment. His reasons are legitimate"
What are his reasons, because they dont appear obvious to me?

[jackthehat]

Is he worried that 'history is going to repeat itself'?
If he is, that is a legitimate worry but one that he needs to deal with himself.

Otherwise, he's just being a bit foolish...

[mountainboo]

I completely agree Evianbaby. Prior to school our son was never looked after by anyone but us (that includes grandparents).

[albaqwerty]

So many questions to ask you.
Does your husband look after your son? Does he bathe him, read him bed-time stories, play football with him, take him fishing?
If a male teacher was in the classroom when your son starts school, what would his reaction be?
Does your husband have memories/issues which is causing this reaction?

[chelle7272]

Agree woth others, he may have reasons but he has to realise that they are not good reasons and he is not acting in the best interests of his son. Sounds like he still needs to deal with some things in order to be a good parent in that respect.

[mountainboo]

His parents have a lot to answer for guys.

[EvianBaby]

Why is he ok with male teachers but not male nursery workers? There could be a matter of months between your son having the two.

[woofgang]

Firstly huge sympathy to you and to your husband, he obviously has some really painful unresolved stuff to deal with. BUT IMO he is being unrealistic...at what age does he think that men suddenly become "safe with children"?
I do think that you husband needs to deal with his issues for the wellbeing of your son otherwise your son is at risk of being brought up with some very damaging attitudes.

[Teddy_boy]

https://www.pre-schoo...rers-in-day-nurseries

Your husband must be in the 2.1% who object to men.He may have personal reasons but hes in a minority.

[Ankou]

you are expecting to empathise and give an opinion based on very little information.

based on what is on here at this time, your husband is indeed being a tool.

[cazzz1975]

but your husband is passing his issues and anxieties on to his son, so in time you and he will have a lot to answer for as well.

[grasscarp]

What is wrong with him. Has something happened in the past to make him react like this to all members of his own sex? I would sort it out now as where does it end? Is he never to have contact with any male teachers, or do they get to be alright one day? You are also a parent and your wishes are just as valid.

[mountainboo]

I totally agree, he absolutely needs to deal with his issues, however he is the type of person that would question a professional opinion, including that of a doctor. I cannot begin to tell you how frustrating he can be.

[jackthehat]

The most practical thing which you could do is to insist that your husband leaves the decisions and responsibilities about your sons schooling in *your* hands, whilst he goes and gets himself some counselling.

[suzywootoo]

It is people like your husband that make most men run a mile from a job like that and I find that rather sad. My son went to a nursery where something happened and it was a woman rather than a man who was the perpetrator. If it were yourself who felt like that I could understand more as women tend to be more like it. He obviously does not trust his own sex then. My husband would love to work with children as a teacher (I work in a school) so would that mean he was a paedophile too!