Divorce

[emmie]

The daily mail newspaper has been running articles citing the high divorce rate in Britain, and the fallout if you like, particularly where children are concerned. Do you think that the laws should be tightened, and mediators, counsellors should be involved when couples are planning to divorce. The suggestion from the law lords is that the laws are too lax, lenient towards couples wanting to divorce. Would you agree, or have an opinion either way.

[China Doll]

I don't really see why it should be any business of anyone else if two people decide to divorce, it's up to them. I think children could possibly be more supported but in fairness the support is out there if needed... I do think some children suffer way more than others. When my parents divorced my younger sisters suffered far more than I ever did, (I was 12).

[DaisyNonna]

How can you counsel a serial adulterer? Or a violent spouse who is a danger to children? Or for that matter to a partner? Please note I am not citing gender.

[naomi24]

If people don't want to be together, they should split - and no one should have the right to interfere and tell them they can't.

[RATTER15]

My parents stayed together until I was 18, my father felt it was the right thing to do, when he left the house was again a happy house, I so wish he hadnt waited, it was bloody miserable, especially for my mother who was such a sweety, he was a real jerk!!!

[emmie]

Ratter, same here, my folks split when i was young, but in truth if they had done so much earlier our lives would have been a lot better. He wasn't a jerk, but a violent, volatile bstard

[naomi24]

I think children are far better off with one happy parent than two unhappy parents.

[emmie]

totally agree. Though the biggest problems can come when you can't get financial help, if he does a runner, or doesn't work, you can be left with very young children, the financial side can be hard. One case where the adult daughter who's parents divorced in their 60's, fractured the family completely. she didn't want to take sides, the parents had an acrimonious divorce, so ended up having to take her mother in. With young children of her own, tried to balance, her mother, kids, job, and a husband. Divorcing later on in life is apparently on the increase, which doesn't bode well for any adult child.

[naomi24]

//Divorcing later on in life is apparently on the increase//

Perhaps that's because couples do try to stay together 'for the sake of the kids'.

[cathfromsaron]

no, marriage and divorce are a civil liberty!

BUT mediation should be compulsory to divide the spoils without lawyers!

[emmie]

could be, neither way is good really. I have been affected by their divorce all my life, even though it was many years ago. I was just as badly affected, probably more so by the violence and constant rowing, my mum trying her level best to protect us. I can't say which is best because i really don't know, but if people stay together for the children's sake, then make the best of it, not snipe, carp, and have endless affairs because they are unhappy. Better to make a clean break, to find someone else, or to have a better atmosphere, life for the children to grow up in.

[emmie]

have you ever come across well meaning couples, married friends who were able to divide the spoils without resorting to legal means, no i haven't either. It can start out that way, but it rarely ends like it.

[naomi24]

//have you ever come across well meaning couples, married friends who were able to divide the spoils without resorting to legal means, //

Yes ..... me and my first husband.

[goodlife]

Many today see marriage as temporary. They enter into it readily enough because they think that it will suit their needs, but they expect to be able to get out of it as soon as it seems to be challenging. Jesus said: “What God has yoked together let no man put apart.” (Matthew 19:6) If you marry you need to have the same view of marriage, and the answers to those questions will depend on whether husband and wife trust and apply God’s counsel on marriage. (Proverbs 3:5, 6)

[ummmm]

Same with my parents, Naomi. I don't remember ever hearing an argument. Even after the split she carried on doing his laundry....

[naomi24]

Goodlife, //they expect to be able to get out of it as soon as it seems to be challenging.//

‘Challenging’? What tripe! Unless you know the circumstances, you are in no position to pontificate.

[naomi24]

I believe it, ummmm. I did something similar myself.

[rowanwitch]

I do think the point about expectations is a good one... I worked hard at my first marriage but for reasons previously mentioned it wasn't going to last Going into the system again I know it will be different...remarrying at 55 is different to marrying at 22 ...this time marrying for love rather than the mish mash of half reasons (all wrong) last time.

I do think counselling should be more readily available throughout the life of a relationship as sometimes a relatively minor issue can become out of proportion.

I think the pagans have it right with a handfasting period of initially a year and a day, then the full rite fora period agreed by the couple or 'for as long as love lasts' There is no such thing as aapagan divorce as the couple are not 'married' by any authority the agree to be paired together

[Davethedog]

I have often thought that the "relaxation" of the divorce laws in in the 60's was the spark that lit the fire of social decline, that most of us complain about today.

I appreciate that is a little "twee" but if the laws remained as they were a lot more familys would have stayed toghether.

[naomi24]

Dave, //if the laws remained as they were a lot more familys would have stayed toghether. //

Yes - and many of them would have lived lives of misery.

[donnaanna]

i am ajuzt divorcing my husband on the grounds of complete lack of sex and complete lack of willingness to do anything to improve that. i don't think i would like a situation where my husban doesn't attend any medaiting when i want it but he does because he is forced to do so by courts. i always understood marriage was union of two willing sides and if one side is not willing the marriage makes no sense.

somebody mentioned the "no fault" divorce - i searched and searched and i am quite sure there isn't such option in uk - one side has to pettition and present the grounds, the other side has to respond/diffend. i wish there was a no fault divorce as it woudl make the proces emotionally easier, i really do not want to make it harder then it already is by publicly washing our laundry...