Childcare or stay at home?

[dave50]

After watching the program on TV last night about the experiment to take babies and toddlers into work instead of resorting to child care it got me thinking. I can understand both parents having to go back to work if money is tight and it's the only way to pay the bills. But if they could live quite comfortably on one salary, like some on this program, why doesnt one parent stay at home to look after the child? It strikes me that it is selfishness that heaven forbid they might have to go without their gadgets, big cars and fancy foreign holidays. If you cant stand the thought of staying at home with a baby and would rather hand it over to someone else to look after after 5 minutes then obviously parenthood is not for you.

[Kathyan]

I totally agree.

[beso]

Your question is loaded with prejudices such as "resorting" to child care and "cant stand the thought" of staying at home with a baby.

People have the right to live their lives as they wish without being subjected to your narrow-minded viewpoint. Child care is a good option and there is no evidence that it causes problems. My daughter was in child care a few days a week and loved it.

Little doubt that Dave50 has already had his children and there would be no prize for guessing which parent stayed home and did the childcare while the other had a career.

[dave50]

Beso - you are insinuating that I think women should stay at home. Wrong, it doesn't matter whether it's the man or the woman. It wouldn't bother me one little bit to stay at home to look after a child. I just cant understand the mentality of wanting a child but then not wanting to spend time with it, nurturing, caring for it, watching it grow and develop.

[flip_flop]

We took the rather old fashioned decision when our first child arrived 9 years ago that we wanted a parent and not a stranger to raise her.

As a result Mrs Flop gave up work.

Our second arrived 5 years after our first and therefore we have been without a second salary for 9 years and in all liklihood it will be 10 years once our second starts primary school. Even then, the job choices are very limited in view of school holidays - she is hoping to get a job in a school.

Mrs Flop was on a reasonable salary at the time and we had to make a lot of sacrifices - it was quite painful for a while - despite this, we feel the benefit our children have gained by being raised by a parent and not farming them out to strangers after 5 minutes far outweighs the sacrifices we had to make.

I pass a nursery on my walk to work and I find it very sad to see very young babies, often not more than a couple of months old, being carried into a nursery - so I think Dave has a point.

[keyplus90]

Agree with you 150%.

[beso]

Strangers? More loaded language.

[beso]

dave50 // It wouldn't bother me one little bit to stay at home to look after a child. //

Easy to say but have you actually done it?

[craft1948]

I agree that the best start a child can have in life is if one of the parents can stay at home. Unfortunately, nowadays, a lot of emphasis is placed on a second wage being needed for what I consider to be luxuries. This doesn't mean being able to pay the mortgage and bills but things that can be lived without. I managed to stay at home with my daughter for 4 years until I literally had to go out to work to keep a roof over our heads, I wouldn't have missed those 4 years for the sake of the latest must haves or foreign holidays.

[flip_flop]

Unless you are in the lucky position of having relatives provide the childcare or a friend who has set themselves up as a carer, the people you are entrusting your most important person in the world to are, to all intents and purposes, strangers.

I have no real problem with parents choosing to work if they want to - that is entirely up to them - but for us we felt the best person to raise our children in their most formative years, was a parent.

It is better for a child to be raised by a parent - it really is a bit of a no-brainer.

[flip_flop]

A parent bringing a child up from a baby until they are old enough to sustain a half day/full day of nursery in preparation of going to school is quite obviously better than farming them out to a nursery from 8am until 6pm at the age of a couple of months.

[dave50]

Strange isn't it that some people will quite willingly hand over their newborn baby to someone they hardly know but wouldn't let them anywhere near their car keys.

[friedgreentomato]

If your only planning on having one child - by going to a nursery that child learns to mix and share with other children from a young age.

I don't see anything wrong with it - it also has nothing to do with fancy holidays and big cars or gadgets!!

[craft1948]

Mine was an only child but in our street only one mother went to work so the children used to mix and play in each other's houses. She used to go to playgroup for a couple of hours a week but I didn't like the way it was run. I enjoyed taking her to the seaside, the zoo, on nature walks etc which I don't think she'd have got in a nursery................just my point of view as I'm sure plenty of children are more than happy with nurseries.

[sherrardk]

I've done both (youngest two went to full time nursery from a young age). The 'stay at home' option works best for us now and I do regret the years I missed out on with my younger children but at the time I had no option but to go to work. It is different for every family but we had to make some big changes in our lives to be able to be in this situation. It's very much a case of each to his own.

[AliceTickband]

there was absolutely no way I was going to have children and then let someone else see their first steps or hear their first word.

If you cannot afford for one parent to stay at home with a child till at least that child goes to full time school then in my opinion, and of course other opinions are available, you should not be having children. So what if you haven't got a second car and you cannot afford to go on holiday and you have to make do with clothes that are a good few years old. Some things are much more important.

I live opposite a child care nursery and it really saddens me to see parents with babes in arms queueing up (well before opening time, I may add) to 'dump' their children. I work in a primary school and it also saddens me to see an unwell child sitting around next to a bucket all day waiting for their un-contactable parents to turn up.

My child, my responsibility.

I have probably upset some parents with what I have written here, but as I have said, it is my opinion.

[flip_flop]

Toes - many people do (to use AliceTickband's expression) dump their babies off at nursery at 8am, and earlier, and do not pick them up until the evening.

Granted some may have to do this to pay the mortgage, but many do so because they don't want to compromise their lifestyle.

I find this a little sad.

[boxtops]

It may also depend on the nature of some people's jobs - if you are away for twelve months on maternity leave, you can deskill very quickly.