What would you do?

[2sp_]

A family member (rather not be too specific), will insist on swearing and using racist terms in front of my children. #1 daughter is 2½, and is like a little sponge.

I've asked them nicely to curb their language in front of her and I've gone mental at them.

But no change in the language. Apparently "she'll learn it all soon enough" and this person is only doing it "to wind me up"...

Next stage - stop contact between this family member and the kids? Seems extreme, so does anyone have any other suggestions?

[albaqwerty]

If they do it in your home, your rules, kick them out.
If they do it at a family gathering, let everyone know why you are leaving.
The family member is a numpty of the first order.

[craft1948]

If you've politely asked them not to use bad/racist language, and they still do so, I'd tell them not to come around any more. You house, your rules...

[2sp_]

I hate being in their company because of this. I wasn't brought up in a household where language like that was used, I'm damned sure my kids won't either.

[Psybbo]

Would a swear box help and demand fines of your choosing?

[Bluestone]

Blimey, that's pretty awful.
How close are you to them?

[2sp_]

I did point out that if I fined this person a pound for each swear or racist term, I could fund both the kids through college no problem.

This person is quite a close relative, Bluestone. I think that they just don't see what my problem is.

I don't want my kids exposed to that kind of behaviour and then think it's acceptable.

[DTCwordfan]

As alba suggests.

They need to get the message loud and clear - also inform your parents (for them to inform he or she's parents) as appropriate re the family relationship.

[Baldric]

Agree with first two answers 100%
YOUR house, YOUR rules!

[MarkRae]

Children are entitled to their innocence. I can turn the air blue when I have a mind to, but would never eff and blind in front of children - it's totally unacceptable...

[albaqwerty]

It sounds like it's a BIL. If they have said they are doing it to wind you up, kick them to the curb.
Nasty piece of work.

[2sp_]

^^ totally agree, Mark.

I like a good swear myself (do NOT use racist terms though), but I pick my audience.

[Mammar]

Depends a bit on how close the family member is. If they are really close, I think I would be wanting to make one last appeal leaving them in no doubt as to how unacceptable it is and that the "wind up" is over. Warn them just what action you are prepared to take to shield your child. It's bad enough that she will indeed probably "learn it soon enough" sadly but not from a close family member.
If not so close, I'm with Alba.

[Canary42]

Tell them you will report them for child abuse.

[albaqwerty]

I'm furious, I really am furious.
How dare they think this is acceptable behavoiur?! It's not.
If you'd like me to come up 2sp, I'll tell them big style (I know you can do it and have done) children are ohhhh, I can't type, I'm angry!

[albaqwerty]

Canary, that's exactly what they are doing!
Good thought.

[Gavmacp]

I think this type of behavour could be described as passive aggressive. It may not matter to them but it does to you!!!!
If you want to be non aggressive tell them (a man I suspect) that it upsets the kids when he behaves as he does and of course he would not wish to do that.

[2sp_]

Thanks for being furious with me, Alba! I'm livid about the whole thing. If this person wants to wind me up, fine. But don't use my kids in such a vile manner to do it.

I'll have one last word with them, then I'm done. We won't be visiting again if it doesn't stop.

[albaqwerty]

please let us know how you get on.
I'd stop visiting with the kiddieswinks for a while. Avoid them at chrimbo and New year if possible, and see them at the end of January if needs must.

[DTCwordfan]

If they are not visiting you, make sure they know your position again before you visit 2sp......

[B00]

"so does anyone have any other suggestions? "

Nope.

Keep that toxic person away from your children.