The Age Of The Text & Facebook Message

[Eve]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2411785/What-kind-friend-sends-condolences-mothers-death-TEXT.html

The writer is criticising those who send messages of condolence via text message.

Having read the article, I must admit that I thought that it was little oversensitive, admittedly though in very sensitive circumstances which I appreciate. Facebook was mentioned as well.

I know I have sent texts before to let people know I am thinking of them and such but it's not so much of a lazy way out, I often feel that the last thing someone may want at a time of grief is loads of people calling on the telephone etc... A message can be read at any time.

I do appreciate the point about something written and, although a text may be instantaneous, it is nice to receive something written although I guess it could make a difference who the sender was, close friends and family or more of an acquaintance.

Considering I was an avid letter writer when younger (when there were no mobile phones or email available), I admit I haven't written a proper letter for years and cards are mainly for occasions like birthdays.

I'm interested in the thoughts of others. Would you feel upset if you received such messages by text or Facebook (or similar media)?

[rockyracoon]

I think it boils down to peoples embarrassment with dealing with the bereaved, it's often very difficult to know what to say so I suppose a text, email, FB message gets round that, shows you're thinking of them without the interaction and awkwardness of having a conversation. That being said, if it was a friend of mine, I'd ring, my best friends dad died a couple of years ago and her OH told me she didn't want to speak to anyone at the time, I maintained silence for 2 days then rang her, she didn't answered so I text to say I was thinking of her and to text back when she was ready to talk and then I'd ring, as it happened she rang me after a few minutes.

I used to be quite annoyed when people posted condolences on someones FB wall, I thought it most insensitive but after speaking to a friend who lost her brother, she received hundreds of messages this way and she printed them all off and gave them to her mum who was overwhelmed by the lovely words and thoughts from people who her son knew going back years, so I've changed my mind a bit on that.

[Zacs-Master]

A friend of mine lost his wife last year at the age of 42. He found facebook a good way of communicating his loss to his general circle of friends without the emotion of having to phone everyone. It probably saved a few occasions of having to explain to everyone he bumped into also.

[belrec]

Something similar happened when my dad died. He was a memeber of several online groups and literally hundreds of people posted messages.

Some were short and some were longer and one of the guys who managed one of the sites copied them all out and put them in a book.

He gave them to my mum and us at the funeral and we were overwhelmed by the positive feeling he had generated.

It may seem unfeeling but actually I think rocky has it right, you just never know what to say to someone who is greiving and we all deal with stuff differently x

[AB Editor]

I think it's perfectly acceptable - it's the content of the message and the feeling with which it is sent that counts, right?

[woofgang]

I view texting as a polite and sensitive method of communication actually. If the phone is off it won't be received and even the "you have a text" tone is much less intrusive than a phonecall. You can think before you reply or need not reply at all.
I would write a letter of condolence if I knew the person well. If the news about their passing was posted on facebook, then i would respond through facebook. When i lost my husband I was very grateful for the "no pressure how are you's" and brief expressions of sympathy I received by text. One thing I would say though is that IMO if you are going to text, then the use of text speak is highly inappropriate.

[pixie373]

I think it depends more how you say it, and, of course, how well you know the person. I don't think a text is really enough on it's own. I have been informed of deaths by e-mails and texts and sent condolences back the same way. But i follow it up with a visit and card, which would have a more personal message in.