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Do Social Networking Websites Cause Depression?
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I’ve been doing a bit of research, and it would appear so. An enthusiastic ’Facebooker’ with lots of Facebook ‘friends’, seems to have become completely disinterested in interacting with the real world. She is wealthy, physically healthy, has a lovely family of grown-up children and little grandchildren, and really doesn’t have a worry in the world, but she does nothing much except sit all day with rubbish television, and the laptop. Housework is neglected, she doesn’t cook, or shop, and all her hobbies (she’s a clever lady) have been abandoned. She’s always had problems with ‘anxiety’, and has taken medication for years to combat it, but whilst she was sociable and enjoyed parties, theatre, etc., she is now isolating herself from society completely. She rarely leaves the house, and won’t have visitors – even family. She has gone from a fun, bright, sociable lady to one who seems to wallow in gloom, in the past, in criticism of everything, in self-pity, and more recently, has been in a state of considerable distress because someone on Facebook (who she doesn’t know) has ‘unfriended’ her for being critical. Her husband, who is out at work all day, is in despair. I speak to her on the phone and by email every day, and she seems ok – but she’s not. Every suggestion is dismissed – there’s always an excuse for not trying something – and her problems are always someone else’s fault. Her doctor offered counselling – she went twice and said the counsellor was stupid. She’s very ‘touchy’, so I hesitate to suggest to her that she forget Facebook for a while to see how she gets on without it – she’d never consider that it could, at least, be part of her problem. Has anyone else experienced anything like this – and if so, do you have any answers? We are at our wits end really.
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Rather than asking "Do Social Networking Websites Cause Depression" I think this problem is specific to this lady.
Sounds to me that she is in a state of depression.
Many people with depression withdraw from the world and tend to wallow in their own self pity (I know I have been there myself).
Many people say things like "they don't have a worry in the world" but you don't know what is going on in someone's head.
It may be she has worries, but perhaps her worries are irrational and over exaggerated.
When you get depressed you often see al sorts of "problems" with the world that you just don't see when you are NOT feeling depressed.
I don't think you will be able to help her, I don't think any friend or relative can help her.
What she needs is medical help, but unless she is willing to get that medical help it is hard to know what to do.
Many people in depression think "what's the point of getting medical help, I will always be like this" so never make an effort to get it sorted.
Depression is a very complex thing and it can't usually be fixed "quickly".
I have probably been depressed / sad / unhappy for most of my adult life. I have tried all sorts of things but nothing has helped.
But when I talk to one of my family about feeling unhappy they cant understand WHY I feel like that as I have my health, plenty of money, a wife and 4 grown up children and 3 grandchildren, a nice home, happy marriage and so on.
But it does not stop me feeling depressed.
Sounds to me that she is in a state of depression.
Many people with depression withdraw from the world and tend to wallow in their own self pity (I know I have been there myself).
Many people say things like "they don't have a worry in the world" but you don't know what is going on in someone's head.
It may be she has worries, but perhaps her worries are irrational and over exaggerated.
When you get depressed you often see al sorts of "problems" with the world that you just don't see when you are NOT feeling depressed.
I don't think you will be able to help her, I don't think any friend or relative can help her.
What she needs is medical help, but unless she is willing to get that medical help it is hard to know what to do.
Many people in depression think "what's the point of getting medical help, I will always be like this" so never make an effort to get it sorted.
Depression is a very complex thing and it can't usually be fixed "quickly".
I have probably been depressed / sad / unhappy for most of my adult life. I have tried all sorts of things but nothing has helped.
But when I talk to one of my family about feeling unhappy they cant understand WHY I feel like that as I have my health, plenty of money, a wife and 4 grown up children and 3 grandchildren, a nice home, happy marriage and so on.
But it does not stop me feeling depressed.
I have sympathies, naomi. Having suffered with anxiety and depression over a long period many years ago, I know how completely introverted it can make you - and interacting with people in cyberspace is a way of keeping contact with people without the difficulties of having to do it in person. However - it's far from a solution, and what you describe are to me the same depressive behaviours that I suffered. It's not so much self-pity as knowing that you are in a dreadful dreary hopeless place, and not seeing any way out of it.
I do remember reading that your friend's situation was not uncommon - the kids are grown up, she has all one could wish for, and there is therefore now nothing apparent to aim for in her life, so she feels useless in her own mind.
I found counselling and hypnotherapy enormously useful, but she has to WANT to get better, and I did want that.
We know ourselves how it's possible to spend all day on AB, which can be challenging and fun - FB has other connotations, IMO, and her thoughts are clearly not logical if she's taking FB activities so seriously. I recognise that feeling.
I think it would be a very good idea if she closed her FB account for the time being - it's not helping her feelings of insularity, worthlessness and isolation, and tried to get out into the real world. I wonder however if her reluctance to go out is some agoraphobia arising from her anxiety? That's what happened to me - not only was I clinically depressed, I became afraid to go out.
IMO - I'd like to know that your friend's GP has referred to for psychotherapy, not just counselling. It sounds as if she could afford a private therapist if her GP will refer her (which I had at that time) - no long waiting lists for referral, I had my first session with a subject expert within only a few days. Not all GPs have mental health as their speciality, so it is good to see someone with the expertise who is familiar with this sort of situation.
Naomi - I hope this helps. If you want to discuss off-site, I can give you my throwaway email address.
I do remember reading that your friend's situation was not uncommon - the kids are grown up, she has all one could wish for, and there is therefore now nothing apparent to aim for in her life, so she feels useless in her own mind.
I found counselling and hypnotherapy enormously useful, but she has to WANT to get better, and I did want that.
We know ourselves how it's possible to spend all day on AB, which can be challenging and fun - FB has other connotations, IMO, and her thoughts are clearly not logical if she's taking FB activities so seriously. I recognise that feeling.
I think it would be a very good idea if she closed her FB account for the time being - it's not helping her feelings of insularity, worthlessness and isolation, and tried to get out into the real world. I wonder however if her reluctance to go out is some agoraphobia arising from her anxiety? That's what happened to me - not only was I clinically depressed, I became afraid to go out.
IMO - I'd like to know that your friend's GP has referred to for psychotherapy, not just counselling. It sounds as if she could afford a private therapist if her GP will refer her (which I had at that time) - no long waiting lists for referral, I had my first session with a subject expert within only a few days. Not all GPs have mental health as their speciality, so it is good to see someone with the expertise who is familiar with this sort of situation.
Naomi - I hope this helps. If you want to discuss off-site, I can give you my throwaway email address.
While I do not know directly similar cases, I rather suspect that your analysis is largely correct, even allowing for the lady having a basic personality that perhaps is particularly prone to sliding into the situation you describe. I know someone who, while not housebound all the time, spends all his free time from work in front of a keyboard and screen. Admittedly, some of this is work that he does for himself (development of software, managing a site, etc.) but he has no outside interests at all. I worry for him and we disagree on what it means to talk - he uses the word to cover text exchanges online. My main concern is that this may be setting the pattern for the rest of his life - he is in his mid twenties and very (perhaps exceptionally) bright. He was very sociable in his childhood and it was said his peers used to in ways aspire to emulating him. Then interest in the various internet phenomena arose. However, he does not use Facebook at all but his weight is rocketing - he has very good looks (often admired) and had a good physique until the last three years or so. All attempts to persuade him that his habits go against his best interests raise a risk of a rift. I am certain these two cases are not at all exceptional but rather are a sign of our times - and that leaves me very uneasy.
Ed, I wouldn't say so much "social status" - based on experience, I would say "personal validity".
There was (surprisingly!) a phrase on Birds of a Feather last week where Dorian said that buying designer clothes validated her as a person of worth (to herself) - if you have low self-esteem, which can surprisingly rattle downhill very quickly if it happens, you don't look for ways to negate that - your frame of mind rather seeks to confirm that you are pretty useless. Someone dissing Naomi's friend on FB will endorse to her the feeling that she's not wanted, in her current state of mind.
There was (surprisingly!) a phrase on Birds of a Feather last week where Dorian said that buying designer clothes validated her as a person of worth (to herself) - if you have low self-esteem, which can surprisingly rattle downhill very quickly if it happens, you don't look for ways to negate that - your frame of mind rather seeks to confirm that you are pretty useless. Someone dissing Naomi's friend on FB will endorse to her the feeling that she's not wanted, in her current state of mind.
>>>> She’s always had problems with ‘anxiety’
One extra thing after my initial reply above.
Having "anxiety" is hard work. I have had it at times and it makes life hard work and very tiring.
You worry about if you SHOULD do something, you worry if you SHOULDNT do something, you worry if what you said upset someone, you worry if you are going to keep your health, you worry if you should buy something, you worry, you worry, worry, worry.
As an example. My mother died 2 year ago and when we sold the house I got a lot of money from her estate.
It had been an awful year after her death, with clearing out the house and selling the house, so we decided to have a big holiday to get over it all.
I offered to "treat" the family and 5 of us went to Mexico for a week on a luxury all inclusive resort.
The whole holiday cost about £5,000 and it was hard for me to spend that much on a holiday (I don't usually splash out that much on holidays) so I did worry about it before the holiday.
In the period leading up to holiday I was worrying about anything and everything to do with the holiday. Had we all got our passports, how much Mexican money do I take, what clothes and suitcases do I need to buy etc. etc. It was an awful worrying time for me.
But we had a great holiday, one of the best of my life.
But when I came back all I could think about was that I had spent £5,000 on a holiday that only lasted a week. My last car cost £5000 a lasted me years.
The holiday was over a year ago now and STILL find myself getting angry at spending that much on a holiday.
THAT is what anxiety is like, I worried BEFORE the holiday, I worried AFTER the holiday, and all that worry is hard work.
So sometimes your body needs to "switch off" from all that worry and just chill out.
And that is when you start to withdraw from society because the less that you actually DO with your life the less there is to worry about.
I am retired now and my wife still works and some days after she has gone to work I just have a REALLY chilled out day, watching TV, being on the computer, maybe even going back to bed for a sleep.
Doing that help me relax and reduces my anxiety.
Don't underestimate how draining anxiety is, it can consume a lot of your energy without any end result so sometimes you do need to switch off from it all.
One extra thing after my initial reply above.
Having "anxiety" is hard work. I have had it at times and it makes life hard work and very tiring.
You worry about if you SHOULD do something, you worry if you SHOULDNT do something, you worry if what you said upset someone, you worry if you are going to keep your health, you worry if you should buy something, you worry, you worry, worry, worry.
As an example. My mother died 2 year ago and when we sold the house I got a lot of money from her estate.
It had been an awful year after her death, with clearing out the house and selling the house, so we decided to have a big holiday to get over it all.
I offered to "treat" the family and 5 of us went to Mexico for a week on a luxury all inclusive resort.
The whole holiday cost about £5,000 and it was hard for me to spend that much on a holiday (I don't usually splash out that much on holidays) so I did worry about it before the holiday.
In the period leading up to holiday I was worrying about anything and everything to do with the holiday. Had we all got our passports, how much Mexican money do I take, what clothes and suitcases do I need to buy etc. etc. It was an awful worrying time for me.
But we had a great holiday, one of the best of my life.
But when I came back all I could think about was that I had spent £5,000 on a holiday that only lasted a week. My last car cost £5000 a lasted me years.
The holiday was over a year ago now and STILL find myself getting angry at spending that much on a holiday.
THAT is what anxiety is like, I worried BEFORE the holiday, I worried AFTER the holiday, and all that worry is hard work.
So sometimes your body needs to "switch off" from all that worry and just chill out.
And that is when you start to withdraw from society because the less that you actually DO with your life the less there is to worry about.
I am retired now and my wife still works and some days after she has gone to work I just have a REALLY chilled out day, watching TV, being on the computer, maybe even going back to bed for a sleep.
Doing that help me relax and reduces my anxiety.
Don't underestimate how draining anxiety is, it can consume a lot of your energy without any end result so sometimes you do need to switch off from it all.
I agree with the other posts. You've answered your own question about whether social networking sites cause depression. They don't, but may be used as self-help for those with depression. Hopefully she will see a better GP next time who will give her the correct help. Counselling hasn't worked and i wouldn't expect it to. She does need to wait until she's ready. There's nothing anybody else can do and the more pressure that is put on her, the longer she'll take.
Naomi, I have every sympathy for this lady. It is a joke in my house, " don't touch flumps' laptop , her friends live in it " . I have health problems and as a result became insular leading to deeper depression. Yes, I can understand how this lady feels when a friend rebukes her or snubs her on Facebook. I have been upset and irritated by it before.
My own solution was to leave the house for a morning a week, which works for me . It means I have things back into perspective and I have a more balanced view on it all. If this lady is not going to relinquish her grip on Facebook, could you not 'friend 'her and interact with her through it ? Then if you can suggest alternative activities maybe even together? Facebook and the other sites that are similar are great if used for fun/ contact which is what I do now. Maybe, suggest she ' hop ' on and off of these sites between other things? I wish her well. x
My own solution was to leave the house for a morning a week, which works for me . It means I have things back into perspective and I have a more balanced view on it all. If this lady is not going to relinquish her grip on Facebook, could you not 'friend 'her and interact with her through it ? Then if you can suggest alternative activities maybe even together? Facebook and the other sites that are similar are great if used for fun/ contact which is what I do now. Maybe, suggest she ' hop ' on and off of these sites between other things? I wish her well. x
... and sadly, it's one of those situations where you have to be in it to be able to describe what it's like. Unless someone has suffered, others can't imagine how horribly insular it is. It is so good to be able to talk about it like this, on here and these days - when I was first diagnosed, 40-odd years ago, it was a mental health stigma, and you didn't discuss it with other people. Now, we realise how common it is, and it's good to get it out in the open!
As others have said, she does sound a tad depressed, but you can't force her to do anything, she might be quite happy to sit at home on her laptop all day.
When I started reading it, it reminded me of myself - just not the wealthy or clever bit :)
It's an easy 'rut' to get stuck in, but without her wanting to actually see someone, there's not a huge amount you can do.
Sorry that's so unhelpful, but I don't really know what to suggest.
From a personal point of view, I have real issues when it comes to any kind of social interaction, even with family. I have one friend who I very rarely see, but I have lots of Facebook friends, people I went to school with, worked with, or had relationships with, that I interact with every day.
I don't often leave my house, unless it's to pick my daughter up from school (something I absolutely dread!), and I do everything I need to do online.
My family think it's weird, and try all the time to get me to do 'stuff' with them, but I'm quite happy with the way I live my life, and I'm also quite happy to spend the majority of time on my own.
I don't see that as depression, I just see that as me being an introvert - I like my own company, and feel uncomfortable in the presence of others.
When I started reading it, it reminded me of myself - just not the wealthy or clever bit :)
It's an easy 'rut' to get stuck in, but without her wanting to actually see someone, there's not a huge amount you can do.
Sorry that's so unhelpful, but I don't really know what to suggest.
From a personal point of view, I have real issues when it comes to any kind of social interaction, even with family. I have one friend who I very rarely see, but I have lots of Facebook friends, people I went to school with, worked with, or had relationships with, that I interact with every day.
I don't often leave my house, unless it's to pick my daughter up from school (something I absolutely dread!), and I do everything I need to do online.
My family think it's weird, and try all the time to get me to do 'stuff' with them, but I'm quite happy with the way I live my life, and I'm also quite happy to spend the majority of time on my own.
I don't see that as depression, I just see that as me being an introvert - I like my own company, and feel uncomfortable in the presence of others.
Oh, absolutely. I'm definitely not saying she sounds just fine and dandy, but I'm just pointing out that not everyone see's living like that as a negative.
I never used to be like it either. I had lots of friends and a good social life. I just came to realise that it was all a load of *** and I was happier on my own.
As above, I don't know what she, or anyone, can do if she doesn't want to see a doctor.
I never used to be like it either. I had lots of friends and a good social life. I just came to realise that it was all a load of *** and I was happier on my own.
As above, I don't know what she, or anyone, can do if she doesn't want to see a doctor.
The housework being neglected is a glaring clue.
When I was down in the dumps, not depressed, just very down, the first thing that got neglected was the housework. All motivation disappeared, I was struggling to get up in the mornings and I didn't really want to see anyone.
I knew my problem though (my dads illness and his subsequent death) and I knew time would heal me. Did I use the internet as a form as escape? A little bit after his death. It helps you stop thinking.
When I was down in the dumps, not depressed, just very down, the first thing that got neglected was the housework. All motivation disappeared, I was struggling to get up in the mornings and I didn't really want to see anyone.
I knew my problem though (my dads illness and his subsequent death) and I knew time would heal me. Did I use the internet as a form as escape? A little bit after his death. It helps you stop thinking.
I agree with some of the comments below. She needs to want to help herself and recognise that there could be a problem? She might be fine though, and is just doing what she enjoys now that her grown kids have moved out. I know my mum gave up on making so much effort with the cooking and cleaning once we were gone! I also think Facebook can make you feel really rubbish about yourself. Then I remember that people only put things on there that they want you to see, to make it look like their lives are wonderful! We all know that life isn't perfect all of the time......If I were in your shoes, I think I would take a very subtle approach with her. Instead of asking her outright what is wrong and if she is ok, invite her and her partner round for dinner? (safe environment). Perhaps ask her if she will come and support you in a class you'd like to try out ( make her feel useful. Yoga and calming hobbies are good for anxiety. The gym can hype an already nervous person up too much). At some point perhaps you could subtly bring up a conversation that you and one of your 'friends' had about Facebook and how damaging you both think it is ;) I know I sound devious but sometimes it works better than the direct approach. I have a friend who lives in cyber space and is constantly on her phone when she is round. I left it a while and when we were at the pub I told her that another friend (which was true) came to visit and all she did was sit there on her phone, messaging men, on these stupid dating sites. I then continued to moan about how rude it was and I think she got the message eventually! Never get's her phone out round me now. I do hope she gets better and you start to see the 'old her' again soon.
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