Would You Be Jarred Off?...

[Jenarry]

I feel like I am making a mountain out of a molehill but my bf did rubbish at
the bf doesn't make romantic gestures very often but he usually does well at valentines this year and it has left me feeling a bit unappreciated and fed up. valentines so i guess that was why I was really looking forward to Friday and a nice weekend after.
He ordered some flowers and a card to be delivered to my work but they never turned up so when I got home from work empty handed on friday he was annoyed ,but more annoyed that he had spent money and his purchase hadn't appeared than the fact that I didn't receive anything if you get my drift.
sat morning he went off to the gym and I thought he would stop somewhere and get me a little something(which is what i would do in this situation) but no he didn't. when i said to him I thought he would get me a little something he said 'well I have already spent £20 on flowers!' :O(... £20 which he is claiming back btw . he was straight onto it friday night.
I know you shouldn't give to receive but i put a bit of effort into friday. i spent half my day off earlier in the week making a homemade choc cake. bought him a big box of chocs and some fizz and made a special trip to shops for a card. ..then ended up feeling like i don't matter as much as £20. :O( how would you feel . I will brace myself for the less sympathetic responses. :o/

[Jenarry]

oops all got mashed up there at the start. i hope you get the gist of it.

[anneasquith]

bide your time. and just mention it in conversation .

[ummmm]

What does 'straight onto it Friday night' mean?

I'm not sure how I would feel. My OH makes lots of sweet gestures throughout the year and does nothing for Valentines day (neither do I) so I'd probably be disappointed if it was one of the few romantic gestures he made.

[Jenarry]

he made a call straight away to the supplier or paypal ,I'm not sure which but he is claiming the money back. I know a lot of people don't bother with valentines and see it as over commercialised but i think of it as a lovely day to make your partner feel special and loved however you choose to do it . I have felt far from special this time. :o( :O(

[ummmm]

Can you not arrange another date?

[Jenarry]

for the delivery?...no he has just asked for his money back.

[Jeza]

Not everyone is romantic. Forget Valentines day, judge him on the rest of the year, how he treats you etc. If you're happy good, if you're not move on to someone who will give you hearts amd flowers you desire.

[ummmm]

No, arrange a different date night.

[Mamyalynne]

I would have been thrilled that he had gone to the effort of ordering the flowers and card and brushed aside anything else, but then again I am long past the Boyfriend stage as such (not fully though) ;-)

[Jenarry]

good point jeza..this is a bit of factor in our relationship generally. he doesn't show much affection or make any little gestures ..ssomething to think about definitely.

[NoMercy]

Valentine's Day is just a gigantic money spinner and an opportunity for florists to hike their prices.

Why should anyone be told precisely when to make romantic gestures? It's as ridiculous as the expectations of those who think that they should automatically receive expensive, romantic gestures because it's the 14th February!

I'd rather not receive anything than receive stuff that he's sent because the date dictates it and he doesn't want to be in the dog house.

[Jenarry]

I would feel the same nomercy but the gestures are a rare animal in our house but bf does usually make an effort on valentines so I was really looking forward to it but when his order didn't turn up it was all about the bad service , paying money and not getting what you have paid for, and him being £20 out of pocket not that he wanted me to receive something nice and I ended up with nothing. Does that make sense?

[ummmm]

It does make sense.

Have you explained this to him?

[Jenarry]

No but I am going to. I feel like I am being a nightmare girlfriend but that is not how I am. Things aren't right like this.

[pixie373]

I would explain it to him. I can understand you being disappointed and i can understand his frustration that he made the effort, but you were upset anyway due to someone else's mistake. I wonder if he made a big issue about the money to try to prove to you that they really were ordered and he didn't just forget??
I think it's become more important than it should be, because you feel generally unappreciated in the relationship. So i would try to explain that to him.

[ummmm]

Maybe he doesn't realise how important it is to you. How long have you been together?

[Dee Sa]

does he make "romantic gestures" for your birthday & xmas ? if so I would consider this time something beyond his control and he probably was annoyed when he had genuinely made the effort and it had gone t*ts up. But if he only makes an effort when prompted this pattern will continue and think seriously if this bothers you do want to continue ?

[NoMercy]

Some men don't have a romantic bone in their bodies.

Is he a caring, considerate sort of chap? Or is he selfish, thoughtless and does he take you for granted?

When I was still with my lying, cheating scuzzy ex I got endless texts declaring undying love for every day that we were together. He was tactile, loving and affectionate but he still betrayed me at the end of the day.

I'd rather have less declarations of love and more trust and dependability.

Don't judge your guy by Valentine's Day alone, judge him by the guy he is every other day of the year.

Oh and I wouldn't want to burst any bubbles but the majority of guys do the Valentine's thing not because they feel particularly romantically inclined that day, but because they'd rather lob out some cash than face the consequences of not doing anything at all ;)

[grasscarp]

Sorry Jenarry but I am one of the less sympathetic responses. I have never received nor given anything at Valentines. (Apart from a couple of cards many years back unsigned from someone I was not interested in.)
The restaurants are overpriced on that day and since flowers, cards etc are all staring at you in shops with Valentines written all over them it is an occasion shops to make money if you are suckered in to the "requirement" to get something.
I would leave it as you are letting this become of much more importance than it should have. After all he did set up something which didnt happen on the day and to make him feel he has to do more is labouring the point.
You are not unappreciated. He is your boyfriend, not an automaton who has to pass tests to prove himself or face the music!

[China Doll]

I'm sorry but I don't feel particularly sympathetic either in that your fella did make an effort but he got let down; I think the people you should be directing yoru disappointment at is the people that didn't get your flowers to you and not your fella. And I don't think I would spend more money to make up for a gift that wasn't received that wasn't my fault... and I'd get my money back too. (I'd also make a fuss because it would irritate me that the nice thing I had done for someone had gone tits up so i can kind of see where your fella might be coming from; it happened to me once when my mums mothers days flowers didn't show up, I went ballistic (and they were re-delivered in fariness) but I didn't get her anything else).

I do get that you're disappointed but I do think it's not really his fault and I'm not sure what else you'd want him to do; I don't think I would want a replacment thing brought at the last minute with no real thought just so I could receive something, if that makes sense. (Not sure it does).