Awkward Friend!

[indie_chick5]

I am looking for some friendly advice please. I wanted to post this question here as I'd like some unbiased opinions.

I am getting married in March and my best friend is my maid of honour and is organising a surprise hen party for me. I gave her a list of my friends I would like to come. One of my friends called me to say that she didn't think she would come as she didn't like hen parties, she had been to one a few months ago and didn't have a good time, which showed, and the end result was she and the hen fell out.

Whilst I appreciated that she might not find those situations comfortable I was upset that she had already made up her mind before a plan had been made. I told her to think about it, but that would understand and I didn't want her to do anything that would make her uncomfortable.

Now I understand from my maid of honour that my friend has been poo-pooing all suggestions and the whole hen party is pretty much revolving around her, she's moaning about the budget, the dates, the place, the activities being suggested and so on. My MoH is getting stressed about is, as are all the other hens. And there is no guarantee that she'll even come by the sounds of it, so I fear she is messing people around. Only myself and the MoH know about her reluctance to join.

I feel sad that my friend has behaved in this way but I need to tread carefully as she has severe mood swings and I don't want to upset her.

Thanks for your time reading this, I hope someone has some advice because I am stumped!

[jennyjoan]

If she doesn't want to go then please don't persuade. I feel totally the same re weddings and word has finally got through to my friends - PLEASE DO NOT INVITE ME.

Just go ahead and arrange date and venue etc. She doesn't want to go.

[Old_Geezer]

I think it is her choice and ought not feel obliged.

That said I don't see how she is influencing a hen party she doesn't intend to go to.

I thin the organiser is pandering too much to her to try to convince her to go. To try to keep everyone happy I can understand being flexible but if it isn't working it is up to the organiser to say that she is sorry your friend doesn't like the plans but you will all see her at the wedding then.

If she has a mood swing because it wasn't sorted to her satisfaction that seems to be her problem no one else's; as long as they made a decent try at accommodating.

[Old_Geezer]

I *THINK* the organiser
as I typed >:-(

[janbee]

I agree with JJ. I hate any of this kind of thing too and I rarely go to anything. Remember , this is YOUR day and it's to revolve around YOU and to blazes with anyone else and their petty mood sings. If she is a friend, as you say, then she should consider YOU first at all times. If she doesn't want to go, fair enough, but she shouldn't be making you feel awkward about it. Enjoy your day and to h*** with the others. xx

[grasscarp]

There is not very much you can do. An invitation can be accepted or turned down and if awkward friend doesnt want to go then so be it. I would not react to anything you have heard just go ahead with your plans with those who do want to go. Least said the better. Thats just my take on it anyway.

[Robinia]

How good a friend has she otherwise been? Could you suggest that you both meet up for a quiet drink sometime before the wedding? Hen parties have never been my thing either.

[corylus]

This sort of thing is not for me, she might feel the same. Respect her decision.

[indie_chick5]

I think my main concern is her interferring with hen party plans when she told me she doesn't even want to go to the hen party. She is happy to come to the wedding, just not the hen party.

I totally understand hen parties not being everyone's cup of tea. Our friendship has sadly been a bit testing at times, I feel she has treated me badly in the past, therefore I'm reaching the end of my patience a little...hence my quandry!

[jennyjoan]

Well your last post says it all - she is not somebody to worry about - just go ahead and make definite plans and tell her this is how it is. Good luck and have a good time at the Hen and Wedding.

[2sp_]

If she has said that she's not keen on going to the hen party, just tell your MoH to stop including her in the planning.

[janbee]

If she doesn't want to go to the hen party fair enough but she then has no right to have a say in it or say anything about it. She's NOT involved in it. Are you sure you want to keep this girl as a friend? Are you sure you now want her at your wedding?

[indie_chick5]

Thanks jennyjoan :) I am looking forward to both regardless!

[jennyjoan]

Don't be surprised she doesn't want to go the wedding - I certainly wouldn't bet on it - but I'm sure you won't care - she doesn't seem to feature too much in your life.

[indie_chick5]

Although things have been tough in the past I know she has personal issues so it's about striking the right balance of being a good friend to her without getting walked all over!

[Old_Geezer]

And there is the rub. You (or your MoH) seems not to have found the balance. One has tried to accommodate her, it has failed. Duty done. I suggested you say, "Ok, see you at the wedding anyway then", but others have suggested a quiet drink somewhere at a different date, as an alternative; which seems a really good suggestion to me. Go for it and reduce everyone's stress levels.