Ok well if you do have gender dysphoria that can be dealt with, and you live in a great time for better acceptance so actually although I'm sure you feel lonely and isolated and as if nothing will ever be right, that's not the case and you are very early on in your life at the moment, loads of time for all the stages in transitioning to happen if that's what you choose, but firstly excellent advice from everyone, especially Rowan and OG go and get some proper help and counselling and make sure that your position on your sexuality isn't coloured by anything other than your genuine gender dysphoria. don't feel things are hopeless, everything will get so much better, it won't always be easy but it is possible so shine your light and be who you need to be, but do it in a way that makes your life in the meanwhile as easy as it can be and take the proper steps so that you can begin hormone treatment early because as Rowan says that's really helpful. xx