The C Word Dilemma !

[Rockrose]

OK, we have over the last 10 years invited MIL to join us for Christmas she always says she will think about it but never gives us an answer - when we finally ask her if she is coming so we can book flights, its always 'no I have made alternative plans'
Well this year I have invited my stepmum and stepsibilings and their partners for Christmas and they are all driving over on mass.
So he and I were talking last night over his mother and the fact that she dropped into the conversation that she feels ignored at Christmas. Now given how many times we have invited her over and how I feel about her and how she behaved when my father died - I obviously don't want her here.
But he thinks we should put the invite out there.
My worry is that if we invite her this is the year she would say yes - i can't trust her to behave and not upset my Stepmum.
Opinions please.

[bhg481]

I would not invite her. If she complains tell her that, after refusing your invitation for 10 years, you had realised she preferred to spend Christmas alone and that you had made other arrangements this year.

[aelmpvw]

a dilemma isn't it? you can be sure that if you invite her, she will accept ...

[woofgang]

I think you need to sort this one between your partner and yourself. I think you need to tell him exactly what you have told us and sort it out between the two of you including planning what you will do if she turns up and misbehaves. Honestly what any of us think is not relevant.

[dannyk13]

Agree with woofgang.

[Rockrose]

We have reached an impass - he knows she will misbehave and put both feet in it as do I - he says we should just ignore it and treat her like a 5 year old! but she's not she's an adult who thinks she can hurt who she likes.

[dannyk13]

Would he be agreeable to inviting MIL on Boxing Day?

[Rockrose]

lol he maybe but i wouldn't be
I don't want that woman in my house (if I am frank)
Plus we would need to arrange for someone to take her to the airport - which is nearly 3 hours away.

[woofgang]

Has he explained to you why he thinks she should be invited every year? Does he really understand why you don't want to invite her this year?

[spathiphyllum]

I think after the eventful year you've had, doing christmas at all is a brave move.

You don't need that kind of negativity and angst in your life simply don't invite her this year, due to how it's been regarding your father passing.

[Rockrose]

I think he is feeling a tad guilty, she is 81 and lonely, but its a bit of a circle, she is lonely because she is nasty so people don't want to spend time with her, so she gets more lonely and more nasty.
She complained that we spent to much time with my family in August!

[wolf63]

Send Mr RR to spend Christmas with her and you, your guests and your mini Zoo can have peace.

[Rockrose]

LOL that is such a good idea

[teacake44]

The way things are going, Christmas will be blocked by Jeremy Corbyn, so all sorted.

[pixie374]

Or.... :-)... ring and invite her, tell her you need her to be there to give support to your other family members and that you are relying on her and very much want her to come...
My guess is you won't see her for dust lol :-)

[AuntPollyGrey]

So all your relatives are coming for Christmas and your OH has only his mother who you 'don't want'. I presume your relatives are grown up and quite capable of realising what a ------------ your MIL is and treat her accordingly, maybe even bring her down a peg or too. Invite her , and if she comes pre-warn your relatives what she's like and give them advice to ignore her. Personally I doubt she'll come, as people like that prefer to moan about not being invited, or about being alone, than actually going somewhere and having a good time.

[ummmm]

If you enjoy Xmas I wouldn't invite her. You don't get on so won't be able to relax.

[Rockrose]

//So all your relatives are coming for Christmas and your OH has only his mother who you 'don't want'//
My Husband also has a brother and wife who have children but they no longer invite MIL either because of the way she has behave to his wife - calling her a golddigger and a w*or*.

[douglas9401]

I'd just treat her as the entertainment.

You can all pile in and reduce her to tears before the mince pies.

It's what Christmas is about after all.

[Rockrose]

Oh Douglas she would be in tears before then!
The last time we had her over, I spent a long time making a low fat Christmas lunch for her as she wasn't allowed a lot of fat, only to walk out into the hall whilst she was on the phone to her friend telling her that the food was awful and dripping in grease!

[bednobs]

personally i would go away with my husband and just avoid the whole scenario. However im sensing that's not really an option