Does Anyone Know Why I Can Stay In Jobs When I Have Social Anxiety

[Treacle71]

It's really odd, but I can work very well, but when it comes to outside of work I go into my shell and my social phobia kicks in. I have no friends outside of work. How am I able to hold down a job, but can't get my act together out of the workplace?
Hopefully someone who has this anxiety might understand?

[bednobs]

do you really have friends in workthough? I dunno if you dont post about them, but you seem to dislike almost everyone you work with

[Redhelen72]

I thought think this is entirely true.
Given your previous posts on the subject you dislike everyone you work with and appear jealous of your temp boss liking someone more than you.

[naomi24]

You seem to have a good work ethic but I think you lack self esteem. Perhaps it's not that you don't like people but that you think they don't like you and therefore you shy away from them. What do you see as your your attributes? What do you enjoy and what are you good at?

[Old_Geezer]

In a job you have an aim, to do whatever your job is; and interactions with colleagues are to help achieve that. That you get on well with some is secondary, and so there is little in the way of trying to be sociable and liked. A social situation is different. There the whole aim for many is to shine and win approval, which is a lot of pressure for someone who didn't naturally gain social skills and thus feels awkward and self conscious. Plus you have to make an effort to attend and interact in a social situation whereas you have a need to discuss things about work so there's no prior though about finding a subject to discuss. If you eased off at feeling any need to impress, and be more aware that others are more concerned about how they come across to other, than to pass attention to how others are coming across, social situations become easier. Plus try to find subjects you are familiar with that others might be interested in, to chat about; maybe watch some boring TV programme that those you come across may want to talk about. All stuff a work situation has little use for. Don't put pressure on yourself in social situations and they should become no more stressful than work interactions. And practice makes perfect, or so 'they' say.

[Treacle71]

Sounds so right, naomi24. Thanks, so far.

[Cloverjo]

Yes, I have this anxiety. At work you can just get on with the job, and focus on that. Possibly working with others on a team towards a shared objective.
In social occasions you have to talk to people. It’s not easy for everyone. I’m rubbish at it, and have panic attacks when I have to meet people socially.

Maybe you could suggest a drink after work with your colleagues. You know them already. Let them do the chatting and just chip in a little bit when it feels right.

[naomi24]

You're welcome, treacle. So why do you think people don't like you - and what do you see as your attributes?

[Treacle71]

So helpful, thank you people xx

[naomi24]

Treacle, you seem reluctant to share your thoughts. Bear in mind none of us here know you so you can say pretty much what you like - bare your inner soul so to speak. You never know. It might help.

[wolf63]

I think that you only have one problem. You need to leave home and get away from your toxic mother.

She makes you feel unhappy and worthless. She is not going to change and you have to get away.

[dave50]

It's what used to be known as being shy.

[Prudie]

I think that's extremely common for people who have social anxiety. At work you have tasks and you are supposed to just get on with them, even in robot mode but out socially you are meant to be relaxed, having fun and enjoying the company of others -something that is very hard to do if you are uptight, depressed, don't like your companions or just not in the mood.

I do agree with wolf, you may not realise that a lot of people read your threads even if they don't post on them. Myself I can often see a subject matter in latest posts and then think I bet treacle wrote that. Please don't take this as rude but if I had to describe you it would be someone who is very unhappy at work and very resentful of all your colleagues and the office set up all the time. I have often wondered why you don't just try and work elsewhere?

[Treacle71]

Thank you all so much. I'll keep reading all your replies over and over xx