My partner has depression and I don't know jow to deal.

[anubis]

I am lost and confused, exhausted and just generaly don't know what to do. My boyfriend of 7 monts has depression and has had it all his life. He has recently hit another 'bad spot' and is beginning to spiral down and withdraw into himself. He is pushing me away and I don't know how to deal. I know it is the depression doing this but it hurts all the same. I spend most of my free time now crying or trying to finds ways to distract myself. He cannot aford the meds and claims that this bout is not serious enough to require them. This is the first time I have been with him through an actual 'cycle' of his depression. I just don't know how to deal with this and I am losing hope. What advice can anyone offer to help with our situation?

[mrs zom]

Sorry to hear of your situation anubis. Might I suggest that your boyfriend go to the doctors and ask for some counselling to get to the root of the problem...

Hope things get better soon

[miss_me]

I know what your going through (well not exactky but you know what i mean..) My now ex since yesterday has just hit rock bottom and will not let me help. He says he's too embarassed to see me, wont speak to me cuz its too hard and generally just unhappy. I love this guy but theres little you can do if they wont except help. They have to help themselves first and hope they dont wreck everything in the mean time. I guess you just have to realise that depression is an illness, and it is his illness that is making hime the way he is. He has obviously got through it before and am sure he will again. Keep yourself busy cuz i'm afraid it may be the waiting game for a while. When you say he cant afford meds, surely if he goes back to docs and tells them this they can help in some way?? Its not right he's not getting what he needs cuz of money. Take care of yourself, and of him as much as he will let you xxx

[Lonnie]

The above post was my thought when I read it, and it may work, its woth giving it a try.

Some years ago, I went through a very bad period of depression, the docter gave me Prozac, which, because of my job, I didn't take, and wouldn't advise it anyway, but your other half may have a good Dr, what helped me, because you need someone to talk back to you, was seeing a priest, (i'm Jewish), but I didn't want to see someone I knew, we sat down, and I could unload and talk through what was bothering me.

That more than anything else, is probably what he needs, someone to talk to, but it would have to be someone he could trust implicitly.

I wish you both well.

[andy-hughes]

Any cycle of deprerssion is bad enough to need treatment.

Try and encourage your boyfriend to see his GP, for either meds. - he may be eligible for reduced charges, or he can get a pre-payment certificate - http://www.ppa.org.uk/ppa/ppc_intro.htm

For yourself - I deeply sympathise, as a sufferer, I know how hard it is for loved ones to deal with this terrible illness.

A major part of depression consists of hating yourself and feeling unowrthy of love, attention, and support. Because he feels this way, he will put coniserable effort intro trying to make you feel that way about him as well! It is the illness, and it won;t last.

I do urge you to get him to a doctor, he needs medication to control this episode, and maybe referral for counselling to try and address the issues that are causing this condition.

Hang in there - you will win, and your boyfriend will get his personality back.

[andy-hughes]

Looks like miss_me and | were posting simultaneiously, but hopefully you can see that you, and he, are not alone in the symptoms and suffering this condition causes. It is dreadfully isolating for the sifferer, and worse for loved ones, who feel helpless and unloved.

It will get better, with help.

[Dr Salyikova]

Try and work out the root of the problem.Once you have worked this out the next step is to work out how to fight it. I t is goosd to have a close friend who can support you.Anti-depressants can help but I would say these are a last resort.Good Luck!

[WendyS]

Depression is a serious illness, and left untreated, can spiral down and down until the sufferer often contemplates suicide as the seemingly only way out of their misery, so don't let your boyfriend push you away. Try and be a mixture of assertive but determined to ensure he has a serious session with his GP, the right medication and counselling if necessary to help him deal with it. Those trying to help the sufferer can end up at their wits' end sometimes as the moods of negativity sometime seem so great that carers feel there is nothing they can do to trigger an improvement. There may well be something in his backgound that is causing a serious feeling of low self-esteem and counselling may help with overcoming this. I think you must prepare yourself for a rocky ride. Depression isn't easily cured and even when it seems to over, another bout can be lurking in the future to re-appear. Read up all your can about it. If your boyfriend has suffered from it all his life, I suspect there will be no miraculous cure and you might even need to ask yourself the very hard question: "If he continues to suffer bouts like this for the remainder of his life, will I be able to cope with it?". Not everybody is patient enough to be able to deal with situations like this. I hope things improve for him but if he becomes very negative about dealing with his symptoms, you may simply have to take over control and force him into the situation.

[aka estie]

I find it shocking that a "doctor" would not recommend counselling in this situation, at the very least.

[bellasasha]

actually "doctor" anti-depressants are normally the first thing a gp would give a patient, then they would suggest counselling.... anubis i am curently suffering from depression and i am on 80mg of anti-depressants, i am also in counselling and i have to say it is fantastic....i dont know of your boyfriend has tried any of these, but please try and encourage him to do so....its a horrible thing for him to deal with and i'm sure its just as awful for those around him...please dont give up on him.

best of luck with it all

sash xx

[alijangra]

Anubis please take no notice of the so-called doctor! As bellasasha has stated, GPs will normally encourage someone to commence antidepressants in the first instance because they take a few weeks to get into the system and work. They are not right for everyone, and I believe they should always be used in conjunction with some kind of counselling. Unfortunately there are often quite long waiting lists for this. I have suffered with severe depression for a long time and would not touch anti-depressants until I finally gave in 2 years ago. They really helped me and along with counselling have helped me feel good again. I have now been off the pills for 6 weeks and feel fab, long may it last!!