What does a 14 year old wear to a funeral?

[spudqueen]

Next week, very sadly, my 14 year old son will be attending the funeral of one of his classmates, accompanied by myself. On the letter he has brought home from school it would seem that he is allowed to leave school up to 1� hours early to come home or I can pick him up from school and go straight to the Church. The letter also states that 'pupils' dress is at the parents discretion'. I am thinking that in this instance school uniform would be perfectly acceptable, or do you think he should go dressed in black trousers, white shirt and black tie?

[scruffscat]

how very sad,it must be awful for your son and his friends.I personally would ask him to wear black trousers white shirt and black tie.. and im really sorry for your loss.

[Pippa68]

I think school uniform would be perfectly acceptable. Indeed, it would be just right.

I don't know what else to say...what a sad time :o(

[Nummy]

i agree Spudqueen, i think school uniform would be perfectly acceptable, especially as it the funeral of a classmate.

However, ask your son what he would feel most comfortable in, he may prefer shirt and tie...and, of course, it may depend on what his school mates will be wearing.

[fee-is-me]

What a sad thing for a 14 year old to go through.

I would be inclined to ask other parents, if possible, if you are uncertain, but i would think that school uniform was 'smartly' appropriate for such an occasion.

Best wishes.

[sexyrussian]

I don't think there is anything wrong with a school uniform especially as it was a classmate.However he might prefer to go in his own clothes.He certaintly should not go in a black suit asd he is too young but perhaps some of his own clothes that are dask in colour.I am young and I have attended many funerals in the past few years.I usually wear casual and light colured clothes and actually people have copme up to me and said it was noce to see someone in colours as everyone else was in black.

[Pippa68]

I actually agree with SR here.

I don't think there are many mourners wearing black nowadays ~ I know it is tradition, but it is on the wane (especially if the funeral is for a younger person).


Mind you, I went to my great aunts funeral and the dress code was purple tones. We all had to wear purple, absolutely no black.

This is why I would definately go with the school uniform idea.

[raysparx]

Hi spud,
that is a very young age to be touched by reality of life, I would ask him what he is most comfortable in,the clothes don't matter,being there does,I hope it isn't too traumatic, take care, Ray

[noxlumos]

anything that your son is happy in is appropriate since it was his friend. Let him choose. If he goes in a t shirt no-one will think badly of him because it's whatever was special to he and his friend so let him decide.

[Paul22118]

This is your opportunity, albeit unwanted at this moment, to give your lad some life skills. I believe that one should always be seen to be respectful at funerals in both behaviour and aspects like being quiet and moving around quietly. Black tie for me is essential, even with a white shirt and no jacket, but teach him skills he sadly will use for the rest of his life. It is good grounding and adds to his maturing process. Very sad though. Hope all goes smoothly and by the way do not stifle his tears.

[SaxyJag]

School uniform, or something similarly 'smart' would be respectful and sombre, and more in keeping with his age group.

I would suggest you have a talk with your son and see what he feels he should wear. If that is something totally unnacceptable to you, then try to reach a compromise.

I know when it's my turn, I shall insist that everyone wears jeans or combats and/or bright colours. I shall come back and haunt anyone who wears black!

[spudqueen]

Thank you for all your answers, I've spoken to my son and he says he'll wear his school uniform. It's going to be a very sad day and I just know I'll need a whole box of tissues. Thank you all for your kind thoughts. Paul22118 - I agree with you about life skills, my son did wear a black tie with black trousers and white shirt at my Mothers funeral two years ago, and I think realises the etiquette but I think that on this occasion we will stick with the school uniform.

[curiosity]

When my mam died, we had 8 grandchildren from aged 5 to 12 between me & my sisters to dress for the funeral. It didn't seem appropriate to dress them in black or equally all turn up in different colours as if it wasn't a "thought about" occasion, they were all dressed in their school uniforms (3 different school colours) but loads of people commented on how this was a wonderful mark of respect that was age appropriate and not sombre. School uniform definately for me. You will probably find that he himself will make sure his hair is done, uniform straighter than normal and posture better, because as you say he knows the etiquette, no one knows what to say in these situations, so even though he may think it's just him who doesn't know what to say, feel or do, probably the rest of the room are bewildered too. Best Wishes

[spudqueen]

Thanks curiosity, yes we are going with the school uniform and I may even take a clean shirt with me when I go to pick him up from school so he can do a quick change if he wants to. Thanks you for your reply, I'm sure we'll get through the day as best as we can, though probably with me in floods of tears.