parents disowning you

[POTTSY52]

hi there,
strange question I know but having been disowned by my dad 5 years ago do many people go through this? with me I was 20 and it was because I got in contact with my mum after 8 years of not seeing her. has this happened to anyone else? its a sick decision to pin on your child to choose between your mum 'or' dad but to this day I am finding it hard to get on with life and need some help on what makes these situations better. the only positive out of the whole thing is that I am now living two roads from my lovely mum and am glad she loves me unconditionally. people tell me my dad must be mentally ill to do this, what do you think? would love to hear some advise and opinions on this? (can't tell the whole story as would take pages! but rest assured my mum never did anything to deserve my dads attitude about this all)
thank u

[willspal]

My Mum wiped her whole family out years ago. Her family consists of

Me. 3 children.
Brother. No children.
Sister. 3 children.

Her Mum who is 90 and not in good health now.

My Dad left her Oct 92 and she wiped us all out about 2 years after that.

I hate to say it but I think when she found out my Grandad (her Father) had sexually abused me she lost the plot a little and turned all her shock or whatever words you want to use for it against the rest of the family. She never turned her back on him for some reason and nursed him at her house until he died in 2002.

So she has never had any dealing with 6 Grandchildren (4 Girls & 2 boys) or any of her 3 children since. We have all tired many times over many years but have all finally excepted her feelings and have 99% given up. There will always be the 1% hope she will change but I will not hold my breath.

Shame really as we could all be a happy family but over the years it has split the family so so much.

My brother now tells people she is dead and I just avoid talking about Mums to anyone as never really know what to say about her.

WP

[joby1]

(X) sent with love wp.

[clarebear86]

hey potsy,

a bit long winded but i'll explain,

its never happend to me but its happening around me at the moment, my boyfriends mum left him n his 2 sisters 6 years ago after having an affair they all stayed with the dad but he banned them from seeing their mum (my b/f didn't want to through choice) but the girls did want to see her. anyway a few months ago his youngest sister who im really close to turned 18 and decided she wanted to get in contact with her mum and now sees her regularly, their dad went mad and said she was a traitor to him and said she didnt care about his feelings n all that rubbish he told her she wasnt to see her but she said she was an adult now and he couldnt stop her so he said she had to choose him or her mum so she chose her mum and he told her to move out and not to speak to him again and they havent spoken since.

she is now living with her boyfriend and his parents whist her mum sorts her out a room in her new house and has never been happier, her mum seems to care loads about her and they have spent the past few months catching up on the 6 years she was to scared to speak to her mum because of what her dad would say, my boyfriend still doesnt want to talk to his mum but not because his dad says. his sister says though that in the end it will be him who loses out as when she has children and gets married it will be him who won't be there to see it all.

i find their dads attitude appalling he is nothing more than a bully and in my opinion has no right to tell them who they can and can't talk to especially their own mum but I guess thats what happens with divorce.

sorry ive waffled on but all i can say is just think about the good relationship you now have with your mum after the years you were apart and your dad has only got himself to blame and will be the on who loses out in the long term.

good luck for the future clare xx

[noxlumos]

I had a ***** realtionship with my mother for years as I blamed her for ignoring my father's systematic physical and emotional abuse of me when I was little. He was killed when I was 7, and she sort of enshrined his memory as she was very much in love with him and so blotted out totally what had happened to me and ignored me completely aside from actually feeding me.I ended up very bitter and angry towards both her and my father and I had nothing to do with her for years. Then I re-married and in sorting myself out with my wife's help ( because I was a wreck) I thought life's too bloody short and went to see her. She was very shocked to see me and I insisted that we discuss everything and wouldn't let her hide from it any longer. We shouted and screamed and cried and hurled abuse at each other and then decided to try and make something of it as she was the only mother I had and I was at the end of the day her eldest son. Things are still a bit uneasy sometimes ( 9 years on) but at least we have a relationship of sorts,and not too bad a one at that, so my advice to you is please just go and see your Dad whether he or you really want to or not at this stage and get whatever it is out into the open and deal with it or one day it'll be too late to do so, and then you'll wish you had.

[suzi-q]

I am sorry to hear your experience.

My ex-husband did the same to our two teenage boys (they were 12 and 14 at the time). It was because they came to see their grandparents (his side) with me. He'd already disowned his parents and didnt want anything to do with them. I wanted them to see their grandparents as so much else in their lives had changed I wanted them to have the continuity.

He said they'd lied because they hadn't told them they were going. He still feels the same to this day because he sent a letter a couple of months ago basically justifying what he had done and saying he would do the same again.

He disowned them and sent the most foul text messages to them saying they were dead , threatening, disgusting language. It was so traumatic. It was awful and yes I think there is something fundamentally wrong with these people to be able to inflict such mental cruelty and suffering on their own children who had done absolutely nothing to deserve it.

Its 3 years on now and I wonder how their lives will be affected by what happened.