Are You Aware?

[chaps]

After posting on here a while ago and talking about sex before marriage and previous sexual partners and all that, I was wondering if you are aware of your partners sexual past?

I was talking with friends at the weekend, a guy we know, lets call him Tom, is getting married soon to a girl, lets call her Sarah. Well it turns out that one of my friends has had sex with Sarah before but Tom does not know about it. This friend also had sex with another girl who it turns out is also due to get married soon and once again, the fiance does not know.

My last question: http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Body-and-Soul/Q uestion245426.html Was about me, looking for that special someone and not being able to accept any previous sexual activity.

Do people not want to know about their partners past anymore? Do they accept that women these days are rather promiscuous and would rather not know or indeed do women lie to their partners?

Sorry to ramble, so, are you aware? Do you wish you never found out? Has it ruined your relationship? Have you lied about your past?

[redcrx]

What are you questioning here? That Sarah hasnt told Tom the correct number of guys shes been with or that she hasnt given Tom the names of those guys?
My partner does not want to know how many men i have slept with but I would tell him if he wanted to know (he doesnt). I would not necessarily tell him who they were if it was someone close to home and was likely to cause friction in relationships.

[laurence2]

No skeletons in the closet, thats my philosophy.

in a relationship you need to put all your cards on the table, otherwise your past could come back to haunt you. i don't believe that you should boycott someone because of their previous sexual activity, as you are limiting yourself, you will know whos the right one for you when the time comes, trust me

[China Doll]

Hey Chaps, some good questions actually. Personally I'm not in to one night stands or anything like that but I do have a sexual past which I am honest and up front about if and when asked by a partner as I have nothing to hide or be ashamed of.

I think it comes down to the fact that people will do what they want and as long as they're having safe sex and not hurting anyone, that's fine. If you're ashamed of something you've done, chances are you shouldn't have done it and you won't do it again.

Also, in terms of what people have done in their past, you get to a certain age and you have baggage and experiences in your life, the main thing to remember I find is that you're not going out with a past person or who someone used to be, you're going out with who they are now and you have to accept people as they come. Otherwise I think you're just hiding from letting people in to your life because they don't live up to some idealised standard of how you think a person should be.

[Drusilla1S]

I think most people are mature enough to accept we live in a society where sex before marriage is no longer considered taboo.

In such a society, adults accept they have no right to demand knowledge of a partners sexual history and don't torment themselves by imagining their partner in the arms of a former lover.

Discussions about sex should occur and will hopefully include concerns about sexual health and personal likes and dislikes, but should never be used as a means of inducing a sense of shame in anyone.

People who are unable to accept such sexual liberalism would do well to find other like minded people and find happiness in more traditional minded groupings of people. These groups are not likely to be in your local 'yoof' pub or nightclub, though.

[miffy63]

My boyfriend was a complete tart when he was younger. As a big game hunter in SA women threw themselves at him and as a red blooded male he didn't turn it down.
I have no problem with any of that because I have a past too, not quite like his though! He had a great time doing what comes naturally, and let's face it, it's more natural than most other past times. It happens and a persons past goes into who they are so enjoy your partener for who THEY are.

[joko]

you have mentioned this before and got much the same response.

you ideas are largely out dated, old fashioned and offensive.

you have no right to expect women to fit in with your idea that they are delicate little flowers, and can only be deflowered by you on your wedding night.

you can hope for this all you want but you will struggle to find what you want - even if you do find a girl who is a virgin and willing to marry you, you would undoubtedly find something else to find fault with...guess what - women burp and fart and pick their nose etc etc etc - they may not do it in front of you, but they do it - are you going to be squeamish of that too?

seriously, don't cut yourself off from what could be the love of your life because of these ridiculous thoughts - you will regret it if you end up alone

why not see a counsellor to try and work through why you can't escape these feelings?

[RebeccaSJ]

We know about each other's past. We both knew that neither of us was a virgin. He has had more partners than I have, but that doesn't bother me. The way I look at it, I benefit from his past experience and vice versa.

[RebeccaSJ]

He knows my past and I know his.

[RebeccaSJ]

My hubby and I know how many partners we've each had.

[RebeccaSJ]

Yes, and he's aware of mine.

[Rebecca_SJ]

Yes, we know each other's past.

[JFinch]

Yeah I am.

We're both athletes. (I played softball, he played baseball.) So we've both had our share. I've had 8, and he's had more than I have. He's in double digits.

He knows my number and I know his.