Ex

[Roughquest]

Further on from my post re my elderly dog, I consulted my ex husband on this - and asked if he would like to see 'our' dog for the last time as I have been thinking about having him put to sleep, I also broached the subject of us both going to the vets with our dog as we had him from 8weeks old. All I received was abuse - telling me that our dog was good for a few more years and vets dont know what they are talking about, he then said he was coming over to my house next week to take ownership of him and give him the quality of life he deserves, this has naturally angered me and this being such a sensitive and upsetting time my ex has made me feel like I cannot and have not looked after dog properly, and this has saddened me enormously. I phoned my ex up who then told me his parents were going to have the dog now....I know my ex doesnt want to face up to the prospect of losing our beloved dog and now I dont know where to go from here.....

[robotics]

I so feel for you, If your dog is suffering and there is nothing else that can be done, then I agree with your decision.

Can you not hold a meeting with your vet with you ex present so that he has all of the facts

My dog is only 21mths old, and I myself is pondering the fact do I let him suffer or do I end it now.

Can you not put your ex to sleep

joanne
mygermanshepherd.co.uk

[divegirl]

Hi hun....Why oh why did you get ya ex involved? I know you thought it was for the best, but I could have told you it would end in tears [that's why he's your ex!]. Take no notice of what he's saying, he's obviously just lashing out at you and trying to hit you where it hurts. If he didn't think you were doing a good job of looking after your dog he could have taken him a long while ago, that's, if he's anything like my ex, he could be bothered. You know you are doing the best you can for your dog and if he won't help you through it....we will. Still thinking of you loads.

Lisa x

ps..... Haven't you got bottle top models to be getting on with?

[ganesh]

Perhaps if they were to actually have the dog for a while they would realise the state he is in. As your ex and his parents don't see the dog that often(I presume) they are unaware of the reality of his problems.How can he say vets don't know what they're talking about.? Usually , and in my experience,they try and keep them alive for as long as possible,until they are obviously suffering anyway.
Either he is being completeley unreasonable to get at you,or he is genuinly upset at the dog having to be put to sleep ,and is desperately hanging on to him.
If you think the dog will be happy to go with him then let him go for a few weeks,but if not I would take charge and do what you have to do with YOUR dog!

[YvonneM]

If he takes the dog who is obviously ill and doesn't get proper professional help for him he could be breaking the law by letting an animal suffer unnecessarily.

[ganesh]

Just to add another thought,,perhaps you could talk to his parents about it,that's if you're on speaking terms. It doesn't really sound fair anyway to move the dog away from his home at this late stage, and if they care at all about him they will surely understand. It sounds like your ex is just desperate to keep him alive at all costs.

[lankeela]

Do you really think the parents would want to cope with all the mess? I don't think so!

If you are sure its the right time, then take him and let him go. If you are not sure, then ask the parents to visit him and see if they would really be happy to take him on.

I think you already know the answer though.

[kita1]

As lankeela says, I think you do know the answer.

I know that part of you is also wanting to take the option of giving the dog to your ex. (it will save you making the decision and take everything out of your hands). But is that really what you want?

The vet would not have advised this if he/she did not think it was the only way. Believe me I have not met a vet yet that wanted to put a healthy dog to sleep. It is not a nice thing to do, and not something they become a vet to do!

You owe it to your dog to let him go in the environment that he has known all his life with the people he has known all his life. It would be cruel to rehome a healthy dog of this age, let alone one who is getting confused anyhow. At your house he knows the rules, where the water bowl is, where the food is, where he is allowed to sleep etc. and he is still getting confused what would he feel like in a strange house?

I have had to overule my partner over issues like this - some people just cannot let go (I don't blame them - they just cannot do it). I choose to be with my dogs at the time, but my partner chooses not to be there, people are different.

I think you know that the decision is with you, you have to be strong and do what is in your heart and head. Believe me if you do not and allow the parents to have the dog (and he ends up in a worse state if/when you get him back) you will never forgive yourself. The end will come one day and if the decision is not made now you will have this problem again one day soon.

You know in your heart that you have looked after the dog well, don't let your ex put doubts into your mind - he is hitting you where he knows it hurts.

You are the one who has to live with this, don't let these few weeks spoil the many happy memories your dog has given you.

Take care - believe in yourself (you do know best) and be strong!
<

[sue11]

Ahh, this is such a sad post. My thoughts are perhaps that your ex does not realise quite how bad your doggy has become and the dog appears fine when he sees him? So possibly your ex is worried and upset and taking it out on you. I think the suggestion that you offer to take the dog to the vet with your ex is a good one, then at least he will know that the idea to put your dog to sleep has not just come from yourself.
I am so sorry to read about this, my thoughts are with you.
Sue

[kita1]

One other thing - do you have any children? If you do then please do not let this drag on too long, before long we will be into Christmas and you really do not want (this might sound frivolous - I don't mean it to) to have to make this sort of decision around Christmas time if you have children.

Your ex sounds like he is in denial, it is probably bringing it home to him about your split (the dog is a link to your marriage/relationship). He might need a bit of time. Explain that your vet suggested it and also does he realise that your dog is equivalent to 98 years old (I think he is 14, 7 of our years is equivalent to one of theirs roughly).

Let us know how you go on.

[gelda]

I've been reading all the posts on this but I'm wondering if the dog SHOULD be pts, I'm not being funny but you say the dog is eating okay and is normal in every other way apart from pooing indoors. My friend has a little cavalier who has been doing this for the past year, the vet said that he would put her to sleep if that was what she wanted but implied that it was only because she ( the owner ) was finding it hard to cope with the mess. The dog is still going out and enjoys her food a year later and seems happy enough, my friend will keep on cleaning up until she thinks the quality of life for the dog has gone. Please don't think I#m being harsh, I'm the last person who would want to see any animal suffer, just think about it. My thoughts are with you whatever you do. x

[ganesh]

I don't want to be harsh either,but it's just not socially acceptable to have a house and dog constantly smelling of poo. The dog is probably feeling guilty when it soils it's own bed too,as it has been trained not to do it indoors. It is 14 and it has lost control of its muscles,and although it is eating well it sounds like dog and owner are both suffering,especially when the vet has advised Roughquest to end it.
I put up with my dog in the same way (she was 14 too)and I eventually put her to sleep after the third heart attack. She was eating well and wagging her tail up to the last day.
The last year was so difficult,we couldn't take her to relatives houses,and she looked guilty every morning when I opened the door to her room to find a pile of mess and wee on the floor.
Admittedly she had heart problems as well so the decision was clearer for me,but I think advising Roughquest to rethink is just delaying the inevitable,and prolonging the suffering.

[pelican8000]

I once made the mistake of keeping an old dog too long. He was extremely old (19) and I took him on as my work colleague did not have time for him. He was doddery and blind, but OK for about 4 months as he was eating well. Then he started having problems using his back legs, only slightly at first. Looking back now I should have had him pts then, but I didn't. Over the next couple of weeks he had more difficulty getting up after lying down. In the last two days of his life, he was peeing himself whilst lying down. I was able to wash him, but when I discovered a fly had laid maggots eggs on his rear (it was high summer) I took him to the vet to be pts. It was an extremely shocking experience for me. As for him I don't think he knew much about it. However the logistics of trying to get a dog that can't walk to the vet is a nightmare. I now have another dog that is 14 and is starting to get doddery. I took him on 5 years ago from some people who didn't want him as he has an incontinence problem. However, this time I know when to take him to be pts.