Worries about 16 yr old behaviour

[suzi-q]

My son has changed so much over the past 3 months. He was such a friendly, affectionate boy albeit very laid back and with very poor organisational skills. We went on holiday to Greece at the end of July and now hes a different lad.

He seems to have a different circle of friends, who are older than him. He has lost weight, spends loads of time out, comes in past his curfew. He hardly seems to shower. He does eat but not our regular family meals - just snacks and tells me hes eaten at his fathers.

Also he has truanted from college and his Saturday job to hang out with these friends. Now his moped has been stolen and trashed but he hardly seems bothered. He's started smoking too. Also he owed �50 to some lad so after being paid last week he has no money left for the rest of the month.

Its all adding up to a lot of worry - wondering if hes started using drugs or something. I can't find anything in his room to suggest this and he swears blind hes not but kids can be such good liars.

Im really worried. By the way its not easy to ground him. He spends quite a bit of time at his fathers who lives in the same town. If we get mad at him he quite often storms out and goes round there for the night.

[vehelpfulguy]

I am afraid to say he sounds as though he may be taking drugs.

[badboyaj]

Hi my names A.J. I am 18 and that sounds like me when I was 16 I lost a lot of weight and I was eating nothing but crap and I was hanging around with older lads I am sorry to say it was because I was smoking cannabis but my parents just said to me it�s a waist of money and it will not help me with anything in life. Now I don�t do any thing like that anymore because I found out that I was spending over �100 a week on it.


I think you should just sit him down and speak with him just ask him how things are and stuff like that and then just come out and ask him if he is doing drugs in the nicest was possible.

I don�t know if any of this helps but that�s what happened to me let me know how it goes.

[MiniN]

It sounds that it may just be the age and hormones. if he is closer to his dad perhaps you could get him to talk and open up to him.or any other adult that he gets on with and respects.

try changing tactics with him. if he wants to eat separately , dont prepare his meals for him, if hes spent all his money dont lend him more than amount for necessities eg bus fare, if he keeps truanting from college tell him if he doesnt like it at college he should leave and tell him he has to get a full time job.

hes at that difficult age when your not quite an adult and not quite a child. try giving him his freedom with conditions attached. its worth a go!

[suzi-q]

Thanks a lot for your answers. My boy seems to have calmed down a little although still smoking and his roll ups look like spliffs and he says thats the only way he knows of rolling them. So very likely he is dabbling with cannabis. Its a worry but no point me going off on one at him because I guess that would make him angry, rebellious and smoke even more. Im just going to do as you say, be there for him and try and make it seem like its no big deal.

Kids eh? Who'd av em.

[lady_p_gold]

Well .. not sure about that .... I think it is a big deal as I have seen too many people go down that road with terrible consequences, including a close friend of mine who has suffered from mental problems all her life from smoking cannabis ... nobody can say what is the right way to treat this situation, he might come through it fine and I sincerely hope so, but it is a dangerous tightrope and I think you need to talk long and hard to him, at least you can say you tried.

[ganesh]

As you've lost all your answers off this thread it's a bit strange to see the same old lines trotted out-no offence-it must be the way AB works.I'm not saying cannabis is totally harmless but I've known many many people who have smoked and some who still do,and it's not a problem.Thousands of people die from allcohol related diseases and I would be more concerned if my son was drinking every day.The main problem is that it is illegal and may get him into trouble,and also that he is probably mixing it with tobacco which is lethal.
Ladypgold-your friend may have suffered from mental problems all her life with or without cannabis,and cannabis unlike tobacco and alcohol is a lot easier to give up if you want to.

[taichiperson]

My son experimented with cannabis at the same age, but it came to a stop when he started experiencing panic attacks and anxiety - so much so that he could not bear to go to school. Things improved when we recognised what was happening and went to a child psychiatrist. It can be a hard thing to go through, and I'm sure our experience was a relatively mild one. Make sure that you keep avenues of communication open and make him feel valued. Above all, don't nag! Hopefully when he realises (like AJ) that it all costs money he'll pull back a bit. good luck!

[anonymoushel]

i would be there for him but at the same time keep track of his life. once kids start getting into drugs, even cannibas, it may be hard to stop..especially at 16 and with peers who do the same thing. ask his school to keep track of his behaviour and report to you. many kids do minor drugs like cannibas because they are "harmless" and "not a big deal" but later on, they test new drugs and head down an even worse path. sorry to say it but i see TOO many people throwing their lives away even for cannibas and it's a shame. i say get help asap and find out what the underlying problem is.