Quizzes & Puzzles37 mins ago
The origins of Mormonism
20 Answers
I never like to knock other people's beliefs but... I was reading about the origins of the Mormons' holy book and it made me chuckle. Here's an extract (for the full article by Christopher Hitchens visit http://slate.com/id/2165033 ):
"In brief, Joseph Smith announced that he had been visited by an angel named Moroni. The angel informed him of a book, "written upon gold plates".... There were, further, two magic stones that would enable Smith himself to translate the book. He brought them home with him, about 18 months after a conviction for fraud, and set about producing a translation.
"The resulting "books" turned out to be a record set down by ancient prophets... Smith refused to show the golden plates to anybody, claiming that for other eyes to view them would mean death. But he encountered a problem... he could not write. A scribe was therefore necessary. This scribe was at first his wife Emma and then a luckless neighbor named Martin Harris.
"Harris mortgaged his farm to help in the task and moved in with the Smiths. He sat on one side of a blanket hung across the kitchen, and Smith sat on the other, intoning through the blanket. Harris was warned that if he tried to glimpse the plates, or look at the prophet, he would be struck dead.
Mrs. Harris was having none of this, and was already furious with her husband. She stole the first 116 pages and challenged Smith to reproduce them, as presumably�given his power of revelation�he could. After a few weeks, the ingenious Smith countered with another revelation. He could not replicate the original, which might be in the devil's hands by now. But the Lord had meanwhile furnished some smaller plates which told a fairly similar tale. With infinite labor, the translation was resumed... and when it was completed all the original golden plates were transported to heaven."
"In brief, Joseph Smith announced that he had been visited by an angel named Moroni. The angel informed him of a book, "written upon gold plates".... There were, further, two magic stones that would enable Smith himself to translate the book. He brought them home with him, about 18 months after a conviction for fraud, and set about producing a translation.
"The resulting "books" turned out to be a record set down by ancient prophets... Smith refused to show the golden plates to anybody, claiming that for other eyes to view them would mean death. But he encountered a problem... he could not write. A scribe was therefore necessary. This scribe was at first his wife Emma and then a luckless neighbor named Martin Harris.
"Harris mortgaged his farm to help in the task and moved in with the Smiths. He sat on one side of a blanket hung across the kitchen, and Smith sat on the other, intoning through the blanket. Harris was warned that if he tried to glimpse the plates, or look at the prophet, he would be struck dead.
Mrs. Harris was having none of this, and was already furious with her husband. She stole the first 116 pages and challenged Smith to reproduce them, as presumably�given his power of revelation�he could. After a few weeks, the ingenious Smith countered with another revelation. He could not replicate the original, which might be in the devil's hands by now. But the Lord had meanwhile furnished some smaller plates which told a fairly similar tale. With infinite labor, the translation was resumed... and when it was completed all the original golden plates were transported to heaven."
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You have to wonder why it's not called Moronism, really...
Mormonism is a revealed religion (like Scientology) so the higher you get, the more of the 'facts' get revealed. Top level Morons believe that if you're one of the few successful Morons, when you die, you don't go to heaven, but get to be a god in charge of your own planet.
Additionally, you may be married to a moron without knowing it. A friend of mine 'infiltrated' their church, and took part in a ceremony in which she was 'married' to several dead people. This is why Morons have such vast resources dedicated to genealogy.
Oh dear. I appear to have misspelled 'Mormon' a few times. My apologies. Terrible dislexia.
Mormonism is a revealed religion (like Scientology) so the higher you get, the more of the 'facts' get revealed. Top level Morons believe that if you're one of the few successful Morons, when you die, you don't go to heaven, but get to be a god in charge of your own planet.
Additionally, you may be married to a moron without knowing it. A friend of mine 'infiltrated' their church, and took part in a ceremony in which she was 'married' to several dead people. This is why Morons have such vast resources dedicated to genealogy.
Oh dear. I appear to have misspelled 'Mormon' a few times. My apologies. Terrible dislexia.
I've had a bit of a revelation myself, so I'm starting my own religion. The main points are as follows..
People called Ludwig are god's representatives on earth and must be worshipped as such. Always do what they say.
Anyone not called Ludwig has to wear a silly hat on Wednesdays, and give the people called Ludwig money whenever they ask for it.
Also, people called Ludwig can sleep with any fit birds they like.
These are not my ideas you understand, god revealed them to me by burning them into the skin of a mystical banana. No-one else can see the banana because it becomes invisible whenever anyone but me looks at it.
So far there's just me and another bloke called Ludwig in this religion, but if there are any halfwits reading this that would like to join (especially if they're fit birds), please get in touch.
People called Ludwig are god's representatives on earth and must be worshipped as such. Always do what they say.
Anyone not called Ludwig has to wear a silly hat on Wednesdays, and give the people called Ludwig money whenever they ask for it.
Also, people called Ludwig can sleep with any fit birds they like.
These are not my ideas you understand, god revealed them to me by burning them into the skin of a mystical banana. No-one else can see the banana because it becomes invisible whenever anyone but me looks at it.
So far there's just me and another bloke called Ludwig in this religion, but if there are any halfwits reading this that would like to join (especially if they're fit birds), please get in touch.
That's great Naomi, glad have you aboard. Send the CV to..
His magesterial holiness Ludwig Koresh-Jones
behind the blanket
Ludwigville
Coventry
Don't forget to enclose the �100 application fee which I will donate to good causes of my choice - ie jewelled ornaments and fine wines to grace our church (my house).
God says anyone not donating will spontaneously combust.
His magesterial holiness Ludwig Koresh-Jones
behind the blanket
Ludwigville
Coventry
Don't forget to enclose the �100 application fee which I will donate to good causes of my choice - ie jewelled ornaments and fine wines to grace our church (my house).
God says anyone not donating will spontaneously combust.
Amazing aren't they?
I found myself in Salt Lake City on a couple of occasions and they leave the Book of Mormon in the hotel rooms along with the new testament.
It really is a scream, you might have thought that Jesus ascended into heaven but actually he took a quick vacation to the States to go and see a lost tribe of Israel who decided that America was where it was all at.
Utah really is a decidedly odd place - great skiing though!
I found myself in Salt Lake City on a couple of occasions and they leave the Book of Mormon in the hotel rooms along with the new testament.
It really is a scream, you might have thought that Jesus ascended into heaven but actually he took a quick vacation to the States to go and see a lost tribe of Israel who decided that America was where it was all at.
Utah really is a decidedly odd place - great skiing though!
Yes, I agree Jake. I've got the Book of Mormon, and I find it quite amusing that the American 1820s author(s) have attempted to write it in the same style as the King James Bible. Maybe that's just one of the reasons why it doesn't quite gel.
Luna's right though - the Mormons do have very good teeth. :o()
Luna's right though - the Mormons do have very good teeth. :o()
naomi24. I accept that the two words are not interchangeable, but you wouldn�t disagree that NJOK is an expert in both arts?
Debating is basically taking a stand and articulating a clear point of view.
A traditional definition indicates debate in an argument given for the purpose of persuading others.
Debate has been described as a systematic contest in which two points of view are advanced with proof.
Critiquing: This activity is not limited to noting what's wrong or bad about an article. Critiquing a piece of writing involves considering what the author has either told you or implies she or he is going to do (prove, explain, interpret) in the article and evaluating how well or not the author has done so. A critique can also serve to explain to its readers in what ways the article advances knowledge in the field.
In this context, it means an evaluative, thoughtful overview of literature (articles and books) in a particular field.
Personally I have no confidence in any organized religion and find them all absurd, Mormons included, it was just that NJOK appeared to me to, contradict him/herself and as a admirer of NJOK I was very keen to enter into a dialogue that would at least test my intellectual powers. Sometimes you have to pull on a tail to get noticed.
Debating is basically taking a stand and articulating a clear point of view.
A traditional definition indicates debate in an argument given for the purpose of persuading others.
Debate has been described as a systematic contest in which two points of view are advanced with proof.
Critiquing: This activity is not limited to noting what's wrong or bad about an article. Critiquing a piece of writing involves considering what the author has either told you or implies she or he is going to do (prove, explain, interpret) in the article and evaluating how well or not the author has done so. A critique can also serve to explain to its readers in what ways the article advances knowledge in the field.
In this context, it means an evaluative, thoughtful overview of literature (articles and books) in a particular field.
Personally I have no confidence in any organized religion and find them all absurd, Mormons included, it was just that NJOK appeared to me to, contradict him/herself and as a admirer of NJOK I was very keen to enter into a dialogue that would at least test my intellectual powers. Sometimes you have to pull on a tail to get noticed.
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