Wedding day/evening?

[Rubyrose]

I had never had this happen before until a few months ago but a woman at work, invited about 7-8 of us to her wedding but only for the reception after the actual wedding and speeches and lunch. We were there to enjoy the music, buffet and evening event. Clearly we were there to make up numbers and not for our company. But two other women in the office are getting married this year and have sent out invites for the 'evening' event! Has this always been done?

I went to a wedding back in June and I was invited to the whole day, church, speeches, dinner, dancing. I thought that was just how weddings go? I mean, either you want that guest there or you don't? If they are important enough to be at your day, surely they can witness the whole thing?

[darlingnc]

Hi Rubyrose,
Maybe the couple just want their close friends and relatives to be at the actual ceremony and then enjoy a p!ss up at the end of it maybe

[suzy64]

I had a daytime do and an evening do, close friends and family to the whole day, not so close friends but still people I wanted to share the occasion, to the evening do, if I'd invited all of them to the whole thing we'd have been bankrupt lol

[tiny e.a]

No, inviting guests to the evening do only is completely normal

[Reverandfunk]

Hi Ruby, I DJ so at the moment i have the pleasure of attending a wedding per week.

The way I find them to work are close friends and family to the church & wedding breakfast.

Friends, work colleagues, more casual acquaintances to the evening "do". IMO the evening is the best one to get invited to as you dont have to listen to stuffy old vicars and pis*ed up fathers making hour long speeches and you can get away with a more casual attire lol

[Shadow Man]

Remember a decent wedding breakfast (stupid name for dinner!!) will cost at least �60 per head often much, much more. So if money is an issue they will lighten the numbers for the actual day.

However, I personally see this as a negative thing. If I was only invited to the evening do, which I have been, I only spend 20 odd pounds on a gift, or nothing at all. Yet if I am invited all day, I am certainly more generous and spend way above the cost of my dinner.

Bear that in mind Rubes. No dinner means smaller gift!!

[Pippa68]

I have been to quite a few work mate weddings, or should I say wedding receptions!

I don't have a problem with that at all. I totally understand the cost of a meal can be horrendously high, space can be limited etc and if there is a large family and CLOSE friends to accomodate you have to draw a line somewhere. It seems to be customary to have an evening invitation option now.

Funnily enough the only one I have turned down was one from my cousin ~ who was invited to my whole wedding day the previous year!

[andrea81]

This is totally normal,

It costs a lot per head for a dinner so close family/friends are usually invited then. I wouldn't feel down about it as I've always know it to be this way!

[suzy64]

What if there's a massive buffet in the evening too? lol...none of my guests went hungry not that I could tell you if they brought gifts or not lol

[Rubyrose]

Surely though it means I am not a good enough friend to see you get hitched but I am good enough to help fill the hall afterwards and bring you a present? I have been to about 5 weddings in my lifetime and it was the only time I had been invited to the evening do only. I didn't know this was done.

[suzy64]

Everyone was welcome at the church lol....I'll go back in my cupboard :o)

[Rubyrose]

I am not bothered about the dinner, I mean the church bit. Personally if I go to a wedding but never actually saw the couple get married then to me it's just a party!

[andrea81]

My wedding was very small as I only wanted a few there. Reson is bacause I have a bif family but my hubby has a small one. So we decided to keep the day close family only. It would be fab to afford everyone there, but not an easy task!

[redcrx]

so at all the weddings youve ever been to they didnt have extra people turn up for the eve do?

Perhaps it depends on the bride and groom and the family and friends but Ive always known weddings to have a larger evening party where there really is no limit to the amount of guests.

Close friends and family would be at the actual wedding service and breakfast but not every tom, dick and harry that you have a drink with down the pub etc

[PatriciaH]

Im with shadow man on this one, could you imagine inviting all the "friends" to the whole day? it would cost an arm and a leg for the "wedding breakfast", my daughter is getting married next year and itl be family to the meal and "friends" to the evening do, weddings are so expensive as it is

[Shadow Man]

Referring back to my last.

Whilst i appreciate that the cost of a sit down meal is exspensive, I must say I have been to �500 + per head weddings but the best one I have ever been to was when we all had cod and chips with BYO champers. Fantastic!!!.

Although my wedding was a flush affair (traditionally paid for by the brides' father) there is no way I would have paid the ridiculous amounts people pay, even if I won the pools!!!!!

�1000+ for a dress worn once?? �750+ for flowers that die? �500+ for a car not as nice as most of my friends cars �1000+ for a crappy band, �300 for a violin player, �600 for Aled Jones choir boys �450 for a cake etc etc etc etc.

Fish and Chip weddings are the way forward!!!

[Reverandfunk]

I love evening do's especially when the bride & groom don't know half the people there because their parents have invited the next door neighbours from 20 years ago lol.

Plus at least half the buffet ends up in black bags...

[redcrx]

tbh if any friend of mine felt that the evening reception was some sort of second prize then id rather they didnt go and someone else had the chance of the invite.

Perhaps if it was an invite to your brother or sisters wedding and you were only invited to eve you would be in a position to moan about it, but not a friends wedding.

[China Doll]

Well perhaps you're not a 'good enough friend.' However, you did refer to her as 'a woman at work' which doesn't imply that you're bosom buddies with her either.

She likes you enough to want you to participate in her day. I'd be happy with that and not worry about it.

[Octavius]

If you feel that affronted by not being invited to the whole day then simply don�t go.

As said and clearly explained above, it is about cost and space, not about the �level� of friendship. In most cases family take precedence over friends, and work colleagues are quite low in pecking order. I was only able to invite work colleagues to our evening do because I have a very large family and lots of close friends. Even though it was 200 miles away from them, I was delighted that they were willing and able to come for 'just' the evening.

[Pippa68]

I agree with you there, Wardy.

My second wedding was far from extravagant (unlike the first one). We invited close friends only..hardly any family, and the food (local seafood and traditional desserts) was fantastic. A couple we had invited remarked that it was a much better day than the �30,000 wedding they had attended the previous week.

Ruby, evening invitations are not there to 'make up the numbers'. I was once invited to a wedding breakfast which had originally been just the evening reception. The couple admitted that someone had decided they couldn't go..so could we eat their dinner instead? now THAT was insulting!