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Hey all - please help!
12 Answers
Now I know this isn't the right place to post, but!
We had a new supervisor (call her B) start at work a month ago, she supervises me and another women (lets call her J!)
Now things are not good, B does not ask me to do work, she just tells me, or she will just send out an email to management and I will see she has told everyone I will do something, without asking me if I can, let alone have the time! She is rude when she speaks to me and ignores what I say, as in I will tell her something (I have worked in the dept for 18 months) about how a job is done or something we need to do, and she just completely does the opposite or will then question everything.
J has also said the same things, (it sounds so silly typing things, but it is one thing after another) In a meeting with J & B, B basically made me feel so small and useless and like I've done nothing over the last 18 months and even J came and said to me the day after that she new B was wrong and was sorry she hadnt said anything.
J & B had a run in today kinda, and J told B she thinks she is rude and I also have some issues, and now I'm going to be called into a meeting with her tomorrow and have to tell her what is wrong!
Only thing is im terrified, and would never say boo to a goose, let alone any one at work!
How do I go about it? Knowing me, I will just sit and say everything is ok, which is not true at all, or ended up getting upset about being put in the position!
Heeeeeeeeelp!!
Ta! :) xx
We had a new supervisor (call her B) start at work a month ago, she supervises me and another women (lets call her J!)
Now things are not good, B does not ask me to do work, she just tells me, or she will just send out an email to management and I will see she has told everyone I will do something, without asking me if I can, let alone have the time! She is rude when she speaks to me and ignores what I say, as in I will tell her something (I have worked in the dept for 18 months) about how a job is done or something we need to do, and she just completely does the opposite or will then question everything.
J has also said the same things, (it sounds so silly typing things, but it is one thing after another) In a meeting with J & B, B basically made me feel so small and useless and like I've done nothing over the last 18 months and even J came and said to me the day after that she new B was wrong and was sorry she hadnt said anything.
J & B had a run in today kinda, and J told B she thinks she is rude and I also have some issues, and now I'm going to be called into a meeting with her tomorrow and have to tell her what is wrong!
Only thing is im terrified, and would never say boo to a goose, let alone any one at work!
How do I go about it? Knowing me, I will just sit and say everything is ok, which is not true at all, or ended up getting upset about being put in the position!
Heeeeeeeeelp!!
Ta! :) xx
Answers
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Your colleague should NOT really have mentioned YOU in the run in.
Your supervisor sounds like a bit of a bully. Either that or she is scared of YOUR COMPETENCE.
You do NOT have to say ANYTHING at the meeting.
You can have the meeting with someone else if it helps.
You might want to put the post in Law Section too as there are plenty of folk there who know about Employment Law and can be very very helpful.
You have my Best Wishes.
katie. x
Your supervisor sounds like a bit of a bully. Either that or she is scared of YOUR COMPETENCE.
You do NOT have to say ANYTHING at the meeting.
You can have the meeting with someone else if it helps.
You might want to put the post in Law Section too as there are plenty of folk there who know about Employment Law and can be very very helpful.
You have my Best Wishes.
katie. x
There is nothing worse than having an atmosphere at work. The meeting isn't till tomorrow. If you feel this strongly about B, it might be a good idea to write down the things that are causing the most problems. That way, it shows that you have really thought it through and are prepared to talk about it instead of saying everything is fine.
Hi Katie,
I mentioned to my manager (who was my supervisor) and is also a good friend of mine (although she very much keeps friendship and work completely seperate) today, and she said even in the conversation we had I had mentioned 4 times I could write down when I have been ignored, spoken to badly, made to feel like Im useless.
She said that he would arrange for her to be in my 1 to 1 and I need to be honest and not just say things are ok and she would support me, but also has to support B as she is new to the company and cant just help me because she knows Im a woss, cant do confrontation or anything.
And then J came out the meeting and said B would be calling me in to a meeting tomorrow!
J is alot more confident then I am, and will have no problem saying what she thinks like she did today, so she didnt mean anything bad mentioning my name, just wanted to bring it to Bs attention how different I am to her and will have big problems sitting and saying if something is wrong!
I mentioned to my manager (who was my supervisor) and is also a good friend of mine (although she very much keeps friendship and work completely seperate) today, and she said even in the conversation we had I had mentioned 4 times I could write down when I have been ignored, spoken to badly, made to feel like Im useless.
She said that he would arrange for her to be in my 1 to 1 and I need to be honest and not just say things are ok and she would support me, but also has to support B as she is new to the company and cant just help me because she knows Im a woss, cant do confrontation or anything.
And then J came out the meeting and said B would be calling me in to a meeting tomorrow!
J is alot more confident then I am, and will have no problem saying what she thinks like she did today, so she didnt mean anything bad mentioning my name, just wanted to bring it to Bs attention how different I am to her and will have big problems sitting and saying if something is wrong!
hey wiggal! please sit down tonight and write out what you want to say to this woman. list all of the problems and if possible dates and times that any problems occured.
when at your meeting remain composed and simply read out what you have written down. if this woman tries to contradict you,simply tell her that it is not up for discussion but that you are simply there to put your point of view across and it would be benificial for her to listen to any issues that you have. please please do not be nervous,just try to summon up all the courage you have and deliver what you have written down with confidence. get angry,do not let anyone talk you down! sometimes even the quietest people have to make themselves heard...after all it was not you who called this meeting and you are not there to "throw other peoples snowballs" just to inform her of your own difficulties. in the future,keep a diary of any incidents at work,dates ,times and witnesses..that way you will always be prepared to face up to this office hitler. also use this opportunity to tell this woman that in future you would like to be asked before being volunteered for any duties or work etc....this is your right.
i know it's hard babes but just throw caution to the wind and let rip if you have to..don't let her brush anything you say aside. good luck and i hope you feel great after you sort this woman out. let us know how it goes! :)
when at your meeting remain composed and simply read out what you have written down. if this woman tries to contradict you,simply tell her that it is not up for discussion but that you are simply there to put your point of view across and it would be benificial for her to listen to any issues that you have. please please do not be nervous,just try to summon up all the courage you have and deliver what you have written down with confidence. get angry,do not let anyone talk you down! sometimes even the quietest people have to make themselves heard...after all it was not you who called this meeting and you are not there to "throw other peoples snowballs" just to inform her of your own difficulties. in the future,keep a diary of any incidents at work,dates ,times and witnesses..that way you will always be prepared to face up to this office hitler. also use this opportunity to tell this woman that in future you would like to be asked before being volunteered for any duties or work etc....this is your right.
i know it's hard babes but just throw caution to the wind and let rip if you have to..don't let her brush anything you say aside. good luck and i hope you feel great after you sort this woman out. let us know how it goes! :)
Hi Wiggal.
I suggest you write down EVERYTHING. That's great that you can have someone in your 1 2 1 with you. This way your supervisor cannot speak over you and she will have to listen to your constructive critisisms. You are NOT the instigator of this. You must keep telling the truth in a calm, collected manner and not make any excuses AT ALL for her bullying behaviour. It is not right and it is not fair. WHY SHOULD YOU go home from work upset at night.
This meeting should be logged and I hope that by your courageous efforts tomorrow it will stop her being a bully to anyone else.
She is SCARED hun! SCARED of showing how incompetent she really is - that's why she is a bully !
You just keep remembering that.
Of course, this is simply my own humble opinion but having been bullied in the workplace before (I took on the NHS to Court and Won) I sympathise with you.
Will you let us know how you go on.
Take Care. Have a good nights sleep, do NOT let this B***ch let you lose any sleep over her.
Deep breaths when you go in there tomorrow and REMEMBER ............................. IT IS NOT YOU THAT IS IN THE WRONG hun.
Good Luck.
Katie. x
I suggest you write down EVERYTHING. That's great that you can have someone in your 1 2 1 with you. This way your supervisor cannot speak over you and she will have to listen to your constructive critisisms. You are NOT the instigator of this. You must keep telling the truth in a calm, collected manner and not make any excuses AT ALL for her bullying behaviour. It is not right and it is not fair. WHY SHOULD YOU go home from work upset at night.
This meeting should be logged and I hope that by your courageous efforts tomorrow it will stop her being a bully to anyone else.
She is SCARED hun! SCARED of showing how incompetent she really is - that's why she is a bully !
You just keep remembering that.
Of course, this is simply my own humble opinion but having been bullied in the workplace before (I took on the NHS to Court and Won) I sympathise with you.
Will you let us know how you go on.
Take Care. Have a good nights sleep, do NOT let this B***ch let you lose any sleep over her.
Deep breaths when you go in there tomorrow and REMEMBER ............................. IT IS NOT YOU THAT IS IN THE WRONG hun.
Good Luck.
Katie. x
Hey gonzo, thank you for your reply!
As for the staying composed, I'm a wreck and feeling very tearful tonight even at the thought of it.
With my old supervisor (now manager) she could always tell if a said everything was ok and was lying, and she could tell pretty much everytime what was up! So I never had to sit there and say what it was.
B is a very overly confident women who spends enough time talking over me, let alone when in a meeting with just me and her.
As for the staying composed, I'm a wreck and feeling very tearful tonight even at the thought of it.
With my old supervisor (now manager) she could always tell if a said everything was ok and was lying, and she could tell pretty much everytime what was up! So I never had to sit there and say what it was.
B is a very overly confident women who spends enough time talking over me, let alone when in a meeting with just me and her.
take it easy babes..i've been involved in loads of industrial disputes over the years and belive me,nothing is ever as bad as it seems,you may spend all night worrying only to come out of it tomorrow wondering what all the fuss was about. just go in there determined to steam roller this cow and you'll find that her confidence will be replaced by a look of shock..thats what happens when a bully is finally rumbled.
remember she has the most to lose in this situation but it is of her own doing and YOU are in the right. it's not easy to stand up to these people but is always worth doing...please belive me whan i say it's never as bad as you think it's gonna be so calm yourself and i guarantee you will feel much better afterwards.
now sit down and write it all up,then put it away until tomorrow..watch something funny on tv and get yourself a good nights kip and get up in the morning annoyed with the cow and ready to give to her LARGE. we'll all be thinking of ya:)
remember she has the most to lose in this situation but it is of her own doing and YOU are in the right. it's not easy to stand up to these people but is always worth doing...please belive me whan i say it's never as bad as you think it's gonna be so calm yourself and i guarantee you will feel much better afterwards.
now sit down and write it all up,then put it away until tomorrow..watch something funny on tv and get yourself a good nights kip and get up in the morning annoyed with the cow and ready to give to her LARGE. we'll all be thinking of ya:)
Hey wiggal, look I'm sorry, I haven't got any advise for you to take on board, but just stay strong & confident & you will get through this.
I know only too well how an atmosphere in the workplace is literally hideous, I've been on the receiving end too. And I, like you would not say boo to a goose either.
Good luck with the meeting & you do have my best wishes. Perhaps let us know how it goes??
I know only too well how an atmosphere in the workplace is literally hideous, I've been on the receiving end too. And I, like you would not say boo to a goose either.
Good luck with the meeting & you do have my best wishes. Perhaps let us know how it goes??
Hey,
Thank you all for your great replies, and I will try so so hard to keep strong!!
I just hope I dont end up doing something silly like walking out if the meeting doesnt go well :(
And of course, will let you know how it goes, may not be tomorrow evening as off to mums for dinner, will be in need of a biiiiiiig hug from her! But will try and get online if I can :) xxx
Thank you all for your great replies, and I will try so so hard to keep strong!!
I just hope I dont end up doing something silly like walking out if the meeting doesnt go well :(
And of course, will let you know how it goes, may not be tomorrow evening as off to mums for dinner, will be in need of a biiiiiiig hug from her! But will try and get online if I can :) xxx
Good advice so far, I would also be careful about how you say things, you want to be assertive but not confrontational.
Use phrases such as:
When you tell me rather than ask me to do X, I feel that you haven't given me the opportunity to explain where that fits into my workload. Rather than
You make me angry when you tell me what to do.
You need to own your own feelings, but explain that they way she deals with you doesn't suit the way that you like to work.
It seems obvious that she is a bully, but you don't want to be tarred with the same brush, but at the same time you need to stand up for yourself.
Also go in with suggestions of ways that you think things could be approached better and what benefits it would achieve.
If you have some things in mind before you go, it will help the conversation to go the right way.
Take someone for support if you can.
Have in mind a positive outcome - i.e. that you will be polite but positive and that she will be receptive and that you will resolve the issues - never underestimate the power of positive thoughts - very good for interviews. I am by no means a genius or a top class model, but I have gotten every job I have ever been interviewed for. Pity I am not that ambitious, I could be prime minister by now!
Use phrases such as:
When you tell me rather than ask me to do X, I feel that you haven't given me the opportunity to explain where that fits into my workload. Rather than
You make me angry when you tell me what to do.
You need to own your own feelings, but explain that they way she deals with you doesn't suit the way that you like to work.
It seems obvious that she is a bully, but you don't want to be tarred with the same brush, but at the same time you need to stand up for yourself.
Also go in with suggestions of ways that you think things could be approached better and what benefits it would achieve.
If you have some things in mind before you go, it will help the conversation to go the right way.
Take someone for support if you can.
Have in mind a positive outcome - i.e. that you will be polite but positive and that she will be receptive and that you will resolve the issues - never underestimate the power of positive thoughts - very good for interviews. I am by no means a genius or a top class model, but I have gotten every job I have ever been interviewed for. Pity I am not that ambitious, I could be prime minister by now!
Hi wiggal....up until 6 months ago,I had a boss who was a bully. A subtle one-but a bully none the less. She was the cook where I work and I was her dogsbody(slave). I constantly asked her for more cooking duties and more hours(she frequently whinged that she wanted to work less)....her reasons not to give me what I wanted(and others believed I deserved) were vague and untruthful. "it would mean re-working the rota,Oh you already have the hours you want,another cook is going to be employed from outside,blah,blah."When i started an NVQ,she told me she already had qualifications(which no-one had ever seen).....and that the NVQ was for stupid people. That is when I got management involved-just to make them aware of what was happening, tho it was not the first time she referred to me as stupid. Apart from all this,she was also the sort of person who ALWAYS blamed her co-workers for her own mistakes...everyone knew she did this......she would say so-and -so said-and they never did. When i realised what she was like, I decided to make sure I ALWAYS did my job better than she did, I also made sure that the RIGHT people were aware of my capabilities.When the time came, it all paid off.....I now have her job...and I know I would never treat anyone who worked for me the way she did. Make sure you state your case in as logical and straight forward a manner as you can..yes,you may be angry...but make sure it is contained-don't let the bully see you flinch. Stare her down and stand firm......and it may also be a good idea to present your evidence of her bullying in a formal meeting with whoever is above both of you. Finally-keep the right people on your side-they will know what you are capable of. Good luck!!
Annie & Pasta, thank you for your great answers!
The strange thing is, before I never ever got on with J, we really clashed, worked completely seperately even though being the only 2 in our department and so on, it was hell! But since B has started, we have been getting on great, working together so much, helping eachother out and all that!
I tell ya, if things with J hadnt improved and I had been having these problems with B, I would of been straight out the door! Which I would of hated as I do love my work and everyone else I work with!
The strange thing is, before I never ever got on with J, we really clashed, worked completely seperately even though being the only 2 in our department and so on, it was hell! But since B has started, we have been getting on great, working together so much, helping eachother out and all that!
I tell ya, if things with J hadnt improved and I had been having these problems with B, I would of been straight out the door! Which I would of hated as I do love my work and everyone else I work with!
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