Moving away from parents

[smudge742]

My fiance and I are planning on moving away from our current town to the south coast. This will be able a 3/4hr drive. Our children 10 & 11 are all for it, and want to go now! We also have a son who is 1. My worry is that my mum particularly will not want us to go, I think she suspects and is constantly telling me to put my sons name down for nursery and school (as the lists full up quick) We were planning on moving in 2006, but due to our eldest being ill, we stayed, so it isn't like we haven't discussed it before. An additional point, is that I have been having problems with my ex, trying to cause trouble for us, and my mum says if we move we are just running away. My ex isn't the sort of person you can reason with! We aren't just moving because of that, we are looking to provide our kids with the best future we can, and as my fiance is a marine engineer he has a chance of a better job on the coast than inland. How do I tell her, without hurting her too much, or end up feeling bad? I know if I stay here, I will upset my partner and children, and myself, but if I go I will upset my parents....but I can't stay here just for them. I am already feeling bad, and haven't told her yet. Has anyone been through this and can anyone advise....after all it's not like we're emigrating to the other side of the world. I just want to go with her blessing. Sorry to have rambled on!!

[poohshunny]

Hi there smudge. I have moved away from home. I live about 4 hours away from my parents. My hubby was offered a good promotion, but this meant working in Liverpool. We were living just outside Glasgow. My son was 8 at the time. His dad had moved to Derby, so spending time time with his dad meant a long drive to meet half way. More time with his dad was a good idea according to my son. As for my parents, they didn't really want us to move away, but were of the opinion that as long as we were happy and healthy, they were happy for us. My brother lives in Wales, so my parents don't have any of their children living nearby. That can sometimes be hard, not seeing their 3 grandchildren as often as they would like. At the end of the day, it's your life and you have to do what is right for you and your family. Of course your mum will miss you all, that's natural, but don't let that influence your decision. Good luck.

[mumof3angels]

Hi Smudge
I live about 1 hour from my parents and although my mum and dad miss us and the kids, the kids actually spend a weekend every 6 weeks or so at their house. This gives my parents quality time with the kids as that whole weekend the kids are the focus and mum and dad put everything to one side to do fun things with them. It's also a nice break for me and mr mum as we get 2 nights of grownup time. Everyone's a winner. lol
mumx

[coccinelle]

When your parents realise they're welcome to stay for a few days like at Christmas or whatever it'll soften the blow. I realised that spending a few days with people create better links than just 'popping in' for a couple of hours. Just make sure you buy/rent a house with a guest room.

[smudge742]

Thank you so much for all taking the time to reply. We are looking to move to Weymouth/Poole area. I relied on my parents heavily when my ex and I split, so I think my mum believes I still need her as much. My fiance is the best, and so supportive, and I feel the time is right to move on, and although I will still 'need' my parents, I feel able to manage with my family on a day to day basis. I know I wouldn't ever be able to say 'its hard having moved' as my Mum would tell me it was my decision and I have to live with it, so I do worry she wouldn't be supportive if things were tough to begin with. I guess I just have to strengthen myself and cut the apron strings!! Thanks again, I really appreciate your time. I just have to wait for the right moment to tell her!!!!

[spudqueen]

Go for it girl - you'll always wonder 'what if' if you don't. I moved to London (200 miles away from my parents) when I was 20. My mother was devastated (or so she said), but when, seven years later, I moved to just 40 miles from her she said she was upset that she wouldn't have her weekends in London anymore!

I then married and had two children, and though we could manage a day trip to see my Mum we usually went for the weekend or a few days in the school holidays. I think that the children actually had a good relationship with her through these visits as they got to spend a lot of quality time with her, not just an hour or two. It meant that they saw each other at all times of the day, she could read them bedtime stories and make them breakfast, which they all enjoyed.

If your Mum is anything like my Mum was then I wouldn't expect her blessing. But I'm sure she'll come to enjoy her visits to see you, and equally, look forward to your visits to her.