Do you want children?

[Hazel104]

Hello all
I personally do not want children and have luckily found a partner who does not either. Saying that he does have a child that I completely love and adore but do not wish to have my own and have always felt this way.

Part or our reasoning is we do not want to bring a child into this world as we
feel it is a much more dangerous and unfriendly world we live in now coupled with the environmental issues that our children will have to face later in life,
it just seems a very unfair thing to do to another human being!
Am I being over dramatic and it's not really as bad as all that but we have access to higher levels of news/information than before, mainly bad news with nothing to give us a sense of there being good things and people in this world?

Also we can not afford to have child of our own and I think it is just irresponsible to go ahead and have a child you can not afford as you cannot offer them everything they deserve.

Basically I'm asking does anyone else share these opinions or do you have
Another take on have children?

[kat83]

love for your children outweighs all the bad things in the world, and although they cost a lot, you gladly sacrifice things, so they can have things, but it isn't a sacrifice you resent, because the joy and knowledge that your children are happy and have as much as you can give outweighs what you dont have. Obviously if you feel you are currently too selfish to have children then the right solution would be not to have them. but in my personal experience, the selfishness dissapears when they are born. all you want to do is give. and they dont always have to have the latest gadgets etc, because the one on one quality time you spend together, is just as important. the thrill you get out of knowing you have taught them something is overwhelming! Of course the world out there isnt perfect, and isnt the nicest place to bring our children into, but if we all thought that, there wouldnt be a human race at all!

[EngTeach]

I had always thought i would have children...you know grow up, love, marriage, kids. But as I approach 40 I am fairly certain none of that will happen. I have made a conscoius choice to not become pregnant up until now, as I never felt raising a child alone is an ideal situation. ( I see my sister do it and she has my help and it is rough. The father is gone in the wind) However, if by some immaculate conception, I found myself pregnant now I would most likely have the child. I do get pangs now and then, but I fill my mothering cravings with my niece, and godchildren and even my students.

The choice to be child-free should stop being condemed by others. I get tired of hearing people say things like- You can do whatever you want, since you have no responsibilities, or You must have a lot of disposable income since you have no children. I have plenty of responsibilities, they might be different than a parents', but that mortgage does not get paid by itself. Could you imagine saying something so rude to a stay-home mom? Imagine saying- Oh you don't work at all- or -Do you watch Tv all day?- They would be annoyed at comments like this and rightly so, but don't knock others choices either.

RANT OVER

[EngTeach]

Forgive the spelling errors. I was getting more and more annoyed as I typed!!!

[naomi24]

Kat, why is not wanting children selfish? If children aren't conceived and born, then no one is harmed. I'd say it's far more selfish to want to bring children into this world if you can't care for them properly.

EngTeach, I agree. Each to his (or her) own.

[terambulan]

You can have a good trusting/rewarding relationship with any willing child down your street who knows you.

I ran errands for neighbours as a child. Because we were a big family we couldn't afford pets and I regularly cared for neighbours pets.

All children need to be needed and valued.....so if u haven't got ur own, borrow someone elses.

[gelda]

Give me a puppy any day!!

[terambulan]

for 35+ career women with assets (frightening to most 'less-adequate' men) who r broody.

I suggest: a one night stand (preferably with younger man who just want to sow oats) and u have ur own babe with no further commitments.

[Hermia]

I have never really understood the selfishness accusation. I have been accused of selfishness, but I do voluntary work, raise money for charity and am a caring person. Hardly the actions of a selfish person! I am also not convinced that having children cures selfishness. I think people often just become selfish on behalf of their children. I used to work in a children's library and you won't believe the amount of mothers who would come to our craft and homework lessons and demand that the staff spend all their time with their child. Or would try and get extra free books or craft materials for their child even though they knew it would mean another child going without. If you are a selfish person you will just turn into a selfish parent.

I have never wanted kids. I actually told my mother she wasn't getting grandchildren when I was 9! My main reason for not wanting kids is that I just don't have the urge. I am at an age where I am sure my eggs are struggling down my tubes on zimmer frames, but I still don't have any maternal urges. There are lots of other reasons I don't want them (money, time etc), but the main reason is just lack of a desire for a child.

[Hazel104]

EngTeach
I am with you there, people always look so sorry for me when I say I do not want children, or just don�t believe me! Early on in our relationship my partner was told by some of the ladies he works with to be careful as I must be lying to keep him interested and may �have an accident� to trap him!!! It still makes us laugh when we think about it, completely bonkers!

Kat, I agree with Naomi and Hermia I certainly wouldn�t say this is coming from selfish frame of mind, quite the opposite. And maybe more people should think about this decision more carefully � for the sake of the human life involved.

[ludwig]

Hermia, the 'selfishness' accusation invariably comes from parents who are ever so slightly envious of the lifestyle enjoyed by those without parental responsibilities.

I'm not saying that they regret having their kids, just that there's often that twinge of bitterness about having to give up the life of relative wealth and freedom that they see being enjoyed by the childless.

[keyplus90]

No doubt this world is not perfect and that is one more reason I have no doubt that there is another perfect world where we come from and will eventually go back. I personally believe this as modern day life style. Like it or not yes it is selfishness. Can�t afford a child, can you afford yourself? Do not have an urge, Do you have urge to be on your own and enjoy your life on holidays, drinking, socialising, or just by being career woman.

As Octavius said that if our parents had decided the same way then���let me think��we wouldn�t have been here. All of us should be thankful to our parents that they did not look towards their pocket. This is a typical example of a material world. Money is not the criteria to give a child good life.

For me children bring love and joy in your life that can not be replaced with anything else. In fact it is a life cycle. When a child is little & vulnerable then he/she needs parents, and the same parents need that grown up child when they are old.

What happens is that few people do not have children thinking that they could not afford. But in the end they have all that wealth left over but no one to inherit. They die alone. A cat or dog gets lucky. But what the hell cat or dog would do with ���������������.

[Hazel104]

You have painted yourself a wonderful a picture of what life is like for people without children. I actually do charity work, as does Hermia. As I said earlier I understand the joy that children bring, I am involved in bringing a child up remember, I just do not want my own.

I do think I should make it clear when I talk of financial matters I mean the vital needs of a child � feeding, clothing etc I am not talking material things and one upping the Jones stupidity.

I do not understand why you ask can we afford ourselves. Yes I can, but I could not afford to support a child, and I certainly do not live the decadent, career driven life you believe I do.

As for the urge you mention, is it fair for someone to have a child they do not want and the bond does not happen, then what happens to the poor child?
All because they would have no one to leave their fortune to and dying alone, a very weak, and in fact a more selfish point than others here.

Anyway have a lovely weekend all - I won't be adding any more thoughts now as I won't be able to login for a few days. xx

[puddicat]

Are you trying to justify why you dont want kids, i can t be bothered with the same old crap saying they dont want to bring a child into this world, what a load of codswallop, dont use this excuse, just admit you dont want kids!!!

[cazzz1975]

I dont get where the issue is, its not taboo to not want kids , in fact more and more people are not having children, if some people have issues that is their problem. I dont get why there has to be heated discussion, its a life choice

[solitude]

I don't want children - never have. I have been married twice and both husbands knew that I didn't want children and were fine with it. I'm 47 and happy with my decision. I'm not really sure what the big deal is about a person's choice in this matter. It doesn't make you a better or worse person to have or not have children. There's absolutely no reason to justify either choice to anyone.

[babybow]

at the moment i have no desire to have any children, i have never had any maternal feelings and doubt that i ever will. i have neices and nephews and love them to bits. to have a child of my own is not what i see in the future.

[lulu031593]

Some people are saying that if you make the choice to not have children that you are being selfish. What about the people who have one night stands, don't use protection and end up getting pregnant? They don't have experience in raising children, they aren't financially stable, and ultimately don't even want them. Another mistake born into the world, and who know's if the child has both parents or is put up for adoption.

What I'm saying is, the decision of having a child should be a well thought out decision. For those of you who have made the decision to have children, that was because you felt you were ready and that you could handle it. For the rest of you who have made the decision to not have kids, more power to you. Ateast you thought it out, and didn't have a child because you THOUGHT you wanted one and weren't able to care for it properly.

It's your decision, don't let anyone put their opinions or criticizism on you.

[ludwig]

It's just nonsense to say that people who decide not to have kids are being selfish.

The decision to have them is probably more selfish if you think about it. It's not because of some selfless need to fulfill a duty to provide more taxpayers for the country, or to continue the human race is it? it's because YOU want them, because they will enhance YOUR life, or to satisfy some paternal urge that YOU have, so please let's cut the crap.

I have two children who I love very much, and I'm happy to admit I planned to have them for selfish reasons.

[Hazel104]

Why are some all worked up about this?
I could understand if I had said it was wrong to have children, but I agree it is personal choice no right no wrong.

I have never denied that I do not want children, I don�t have a particularly strong urge no, but if, as I get a little older I do start to get the urge I have thought about it and decided to ignore the urge for some of the reasons I cited, simple as that really. I don�t have to justify anything to anyone apart from myself.

I just wondered what others thought and how or even if they made the decision or found themselves pregnant.