Couples who refuse to get married

[david51058]

Why is it there are some couple who refuse point blank to get married? I have nothing against unmarried couples, I just don't understand their reasoning. They live together for years but don't make the commitment to each other by getting married. The usual line is that they don't need a piece of paper to be committed to each other. Why not just do it, especially if they have children? It's not difficult. What is the problem?
It strikes me that the real reason is they are not 100% sure and want to leave the door ajar just in case it all goes wrong and if they are not married it will be easier to escape. The fact that they have had children which most people would think is the ultimate commitment seems not to have any bearing on the matter.

[Bbbananas]

Marriage is a choice though, not an obligation after a 'certain amount of time' - so how is it "refusal" to marry?

Been there, done that, twice... would only do it again if absolutely sure about it, well 93% sure anyway - no-one can be 100%.

[pastafreak]

I think the only worrying aspect of not being married,can be possible legal issues if one partner becomes ill or incapacitated. The healthy partner may not be viewed as next-of -kin...and may not have any say in medical choices,etc. I'm basing this in my ex brother in law and his then partner when he had a brain haemmorage (sp)....this was quite a few years ago,so things may have changed.

[LoftyLottie]

But it needn't cost you anything much Fluffy and it gives you more legal security without having to pay out for it!!!

[mccfluff]

i could find better things to spend £60 on, food probably :-). its just not for me, i think a lot has to do with i don;t like being the centre of attention and as a bride, well you are - no mattter how low key your ceremony is

[snags]

^ Even more so if you wear that mac on the big day...

[ljdksa]

I disagree about the commitment point. Children are a far bigger commitment. Being married actually makes very little difference - unless you are intending to get divorced at some point.

[mccfluff]

as i'm single legal security is not something i worry about, but i do appreciate that should i live with someone again then i need to take steps to protect my finanical interests, which is quite laughable giveing the state of my finances :-)

[e.crespo]

There are many financial pit falls for couples with children should anything happen to their relationship. There are judges and others who want to address those problems at this moment, but they aren't sorted as yet.
It is therefore important to sort out just what will happen to finances if something happens to the relationship, there is no such thing as a common law wife in the eyes of the law.
jj

[Jemisa]

My eldest daughter is not married, she's been with her partner for 12 years. I constantly nag her to get married and so does her sister. Yes we've had the excuses like "Can't afford it" or "Too much hassle" Whats the point"? they live in a beautiful house in Hertfordshire, have no kids (too selfish) he and he have fab jobs & flit all over the world at the drop of a hat.
Her sister said she'd do all the arranging of the wedding, all they would have to do is turn up (& sign a few cheque's) Neither have been married before so no hangers on.

I don't understand it, as was mentioned it may be that final commitment.

jem

[237SJ]

What`s the private pension situation these days? With our company pension it used to be that if you died single, your pension died with you. If you`re married, you can care financially for your partner after you`re gone.

[e.crespo]

If one or other partner dies is a very difficult scenario if not married and there are children.
jj

[e.crespo]

the pension is a really important problem when not married, I believe a large proportion is held in trust for any children, not sure if an unmarried partner gets any.
jj

[LoftyLottie]

Perhaps she doesn't want the hassle of a wedding Jemisa. I wouldn't. I just went and got married.

I never understand how people who don't want children can be labelled 'selfish' though. Who are they being selfish too?

Just my opinion.

My son and his girl live together and I don't care whether they get married or not. If they do, I hope they go off and do it quietly. It's up to them though.

[mccfluff]

why is it selfish not to have kids?

[cazzz1975]

jem would you be happy if your daughter got married at a las vegas drive thru wedding chapel?

is it the ceremony or the getting married that you want?

[cazzz1975]

its more selfish to have kids then not want them ..

[mccfluff]

i would be a terrible mum lol :-)

[milly143]

The one thing I don't understand is couples who have children together but claim they are 'not ready' to get married. It's as if they are saying having children is less of a commitment then marriage. I think I have old fashioned views on this but I don't understand why you have children with someone who you don't intend on spending the rest of your life with.